Maude's Tuckahoe Saga: The Movie
by Rhonda Petrie
Summary: Years after events of the T.V. series, Maude struggles to rear a young lion cub named Omari; however, when a local talent show comes to Tuckahoe, Maude must confront a series of bizarre events and a cast of diverse characters, including a strange woman.
1. The Story Of Omari And Maude

**Hello, this is Rhonda Petrie! This is my third official fanfiction in this website and it's going to feature Maude, her adopted son Omari and the gang from the 70's television show, (although Omari is my original character). I have to warn you, this is going to be a very complicated story and it's not what you think this story is due to unusual elements incorporated into the story; it contains some intricate and complex aspects of the plot and some scenes may be a little controversial. I would call this the epic feature movie that Norman Lear never made. However, I highly doubt that Norman Lear would make a movie of this magnitude and even if he did, he would probably make this "movie" a whole lot different than I would have made it. Even though I have written a couple of other stories centering on Maude and Omari, they are usually very short and therefore this would be the first official story about Omari. If I adapt and rewrite any of these stories for this website, they would most likely follow this novel. So, rate and review this fanfiction and enjoy this epic tale! R.P.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters relating to the Maude/All In The Family series or any work that pertains to Norman Lear except for Omari, Maude's 4-month-old lion son (I know it sounds weird but please read on and it'll become clear to you), and his best friend and girlfriend, the promiscuous, independent, feisty and spunky female lioness cub, Tessa.**

The darkening, grey, gloomy, overcast sky cast an ominous shadow on the Findlay house as winds wafted and blustered through the portentous and dismal neighborhood with mighty gusts of wind; a crack of lightning flashed in the rumbling skies and ripped out a resonating roar as the earth trembled and quivered and the hollow, shaking metallic sounds ricocheted off the exterior of the house. Omari had dove down off the elevated roof at the loud bang of the lightning bolt and then scampered and bound onto the wooden picket fence with his tail swishing and lashing in the air as he scrambled to avoid being struck by lightning. He capered off the fence in just two skips just as rain descended upon the lonely, dreary and cold world and bolted onto the flooding and submerged grass in the backyard with a splash and then chased his tail energetically with his feet churning and kicking and scooping out dashes of water and began to emit and hiss out growls like a young puppy as he yipped and whimpered playfully in the water for a total of 5 minutes; he then circled around the patch of stiff, bristling, wavy, tall grass he stood on and then settled onto his chosen spot as he submerged his entire being underwater while curling up into a ball and then he flicked his tail cozily onto his side and exhaled air bubbles from his mouth before he closed his eyes to go to sleep.

Omari was a dark burgundy lion cub with fluffy, feathery, smooth, jet black raven hair and light brown ruffles around his neck, with his azure tail tufts and navy blue/cerulean toes. He also had a silvery, hoary underbelly and there also was suede indigo fur tucked in the inside of his ears, plus with tiny, gray hair tufts protruding from his chin that resembled a goatee. Omari was a very unusual looking cub indeed, and had an angular, curved, oval-shaped head with a narrow, long, elongated face and smooth, even texture on his skin. His ears were flat, wide and broad and were stretched out to the point where they nearly became as narrow and slim as his face. His body was slender, slight and very lanky with gangly, miniscule legs and diminutive feet. Omari also possessed a stunning, alluring combination of dark mauve/violet and cobalt sapphire blue which was the most interesting choice of eye color, and his innocent and lively, animated, vivacious eyes would make you look right in his face because of its peculiar hue.

His stature was very stunted in growth due to the fact that his own birthmother never amounted much in height and this concerned his pediatrician, who would come to examine him on his monthly check-ups to see how he was flourishing in the Findlay household. Omari weighed twice as much as a two-month-old puppy but was the size of a newborn lion cub. Poor Omari tried so hard to pull in his own weight by eating more than he was accustomed to, but he would often be dissatisfied by his lagging progress, and besides, he would occasionally vomit some of the undigested food back up minutes after consuming his meal.

"Don't let your height discourage you, Omari," his adoptive mother, Maude Findlay, would say to him. "It's just a number and it is not part of who you are. Everybody comes in different shapes and sizes, including myself. Besides, variety is the spice of life and life would be pretty mundane and boring if everybody were to be the same size." "I suppose you're right, Maude. But I hate being small! How can I ever become king of anything if I'm so tiny?" Omari sighed while griping and grumbling about his inadequate size. Maude then pulled him aside and then gave him a big squeeze. "You're the perfect size for me, Omari. You're my little boy; I would never trade you for anything else in the world, even being Senator of Congress. Do you want to know why I named you Omari?" she smiled at him as she peered right at her young adoptive son with a benevolent, altruistic, motherly gaze. "Why?" Omari ventured with an interested question.

"You were this small," Maude explained to him as she held two of her hands in the air while distancing at least 2 feet from each other. "You had absolutely no hair, except for a couple of strands of thin, black hair, and you also had the most expressionless, blank look in your eyes. You were so peaceable, serene, calm and quiet with your reserved facial expression and I remembered screaming for joy when you were born. However, you were in fetal distress, you had to get out and when you came out you were gasping for air, the umbilical cord coiled and constricted around your neck…" Omari just gaped in astonishment as Maude regaled him with the sordid and poignant tale of his traumatic birth.

"Your chest was rising and falling with each swift and rapid breath and your eyes were flailing and quavering while swaying from side to side and your arms were thrashing and waving around as you valiantly fought for your life. I was immediately distraught and flustered upon seeing the sight; my heart broke for you and I couldn't bear to see you suffer and seeing a cub quickly suffocating and choking before my eyes aroused and elicited my anger and wrath, so I snatched the scissors from the doctor, who was about to cut the umbilical cord in half, and then snipped the cord into two and it wasn't long before I picked you up and held you in the palm of my hands. That was when I first fell in love with you; I knew right then and there you were born to be my son. You were so tiny, so shriveled and wizened from the exhaustive birth, drenched and splotched with raw maternal blood, but otherwise fine."

"I then looked at you and then my eyes started to brim and water with tears and before I knew it they started to rain and cascade down my face… It was the first time in a really long time I've ever cried for joy. I didn't give a damn whether or not you were a lion, I knew you were mine the moment I first held you. I never thought I would get another chance to raise another child, especially since I had Carol from my second husband and I passed up the chance to rear another child before but when you came along, I felt like God had sent down an angel from heaven. I thought to myself, _I will not pass up this chance to foster this young boy, for God has designated me his true guardian. I should be the one who should care for the boy; he has chosen me to do so._"

"'What should we name this boy, Maude?' your mother asked me inquisitively. I said to her as I knitted my eyebrows in thought, 'Well, his fur is the darkest and deepest of brown I've ever seen in my life. It's burgundy, I think. I want him to have an African-like name, for he reminds me of a boy who dwells in Africa.' 'He reminds you of an African boy? Somebody who lives in Africa?' my mother questioned me curiously. 'Of course he does! How about an O name? He seems like an O type,' I suggested pointedly as I cuddled you close to me and cradled you gently in my arms. By now you were alert and observant of everything around you, and I grinned and turned to Walter, who had also been with me to witness your birth. I tell you Walter, he's going to be a genius. He's unusually active and raring to go,' I informed my husband crisply while making an admonishing side glance and pointing my finger at him as I did so. 'What the hell are you talking about, Maude? The boy's even lucky to be alive!' Walter hollered at me in disbelief. 'Walter, watch it…' I growled at him irascibly. 'Why don't we name him Oliver?' Walter proposed a suggestion. 'God, Walter! That name's already been used too many times; it's repetitive and redundant! Don't stereotype this kid like he's a Disney cartoon character!' I snarled at him in quite an aggressive manner.

"'How about Omar? After that Omar Sharif guy?' your mother issued a recommendation. 'Put in an I at the end of that name and we got a done deal,' I advised your mother briskly. 'Omari?' your mother quipped, puzzled and bemused. 'Omari? What the fucking hell is that name? No one in the right mind…' Walter was about to start another argument with me once again when I cast a burning and scorching glare right at him that subtly warned him that if he were to raise another objection about the name I was about to bestow on my new son, even though you weren't legally mine yet, I would RIP HIS HEART OUT!!!!! Then I cocked my head to you and then leered before whispering to you softly in a solemn and deep, rumbling voice, 'To the high born, and to God the highest, I officially bestow you the name Omari, the name you shall live by, and by which the world will recognize you. I recognize you and acknowledge you as my son and as the newest member of the Findlay family you will be treated as an equal and I will raise you as if you were my own natural son.' And the moment I swerved around to see Walter, he was so awestruck and flabbergasted by what he had heard that he immediately slumped to the floor in a faint."

"And when your mother was finally forced to give you up, we stepped up to take you in; I myself insisted we adopted you right away, so we signed the adoption papers and then we took you home and you've been our son ever since," Maude elucidated and ejaculated in a dramatic and passionate tone as she went on with the tale. Omari then smiled and then snuggled next to his adopted mother. "I love you, Maude," he murmured as he purred and rubbed his head against her bosom. "I love you too, kiddo," Maude returned the comment by enfolding the young boy in her arms and then she lovingly stroked his fur and then caressed his face and then they soon lay asleep together in the sofa.

"OMARI!" a deep, commanding, gravelly voice boomed and rang in the heavy downpour and then Omari sat up from his cat nap. "Damn," he muttered as he looked up and realized he was now being rained on; the downpour continued to rain and shower down a cascading and gushing stream of water down on the young cat and he wasn't too happy about getting thoroughly soaked and sopping wet with rainwater. "Coming, Maude!" he called out obediently and then he trudged onward into the house, where he could dry up and shake the excessive weight of the much despised element off his shaggy and mangy fur, which was now getting coarse and thick with age.

He was now growing up and his fur was beginning to thicken out and set in for the summer months were now approaching its end and his winter undercoat, which was grey silver, would soon take over his body. Omari was appalled by the thought of adopting a silver coat for his diminutive body and he was also apprehensive at the thought of being perceived as much older than he is; this ability is highly unusual due to the fact that lions in the wild don't normally change coats during the changing seasons, if at all, but since Omari is being raised as a house cat, his already superhuman biology is now making his body adapt to the strange environment by compelling him to molt and shed whenever the seasons begin to change. The young lion cub hated molting and nothing embarrasses him more than being caught shedding his overgrown, old fur in front of his adoptive mother and older sister, Carol. Furthermore, Omari's teeth were becoming sharper and prominent and his lust for meat was increasing with each passing day.

Maude had noticed this the day she was preparing a steak dinner for guests that were to arrive. When she had strayed away from the unprepared, raw steak and turned away to preparing some Bush's grilled beans and mashed potatoes, Omari clambered onto the counter and then dug his claws right into the steak, snarling and groveling on the way until he could sink his fangs right into the tantalizing meat. God… How delicious victory was! Omari had succumbed to his bloodlust for meat and was now preparing to have an early meal when Maude spun around and gasped when she beheld Omari trying to make mince meat out of the well… meat, or steak if you prefer.

"Omari Israel Ben-Von Remarr Findlay, I order you to get the hell off the goddamn table and leave the fucking meat alone! Now, or I'll get the vacuum and drive you out into the backyard!" Maude thundered and roared in a stentorian, vociferous voice as she caught her adopted son in his latest act of sin, which for this seemingly religious woman was impermissible and strictly forbidden. Omari hated vacuums and shuddered at the thought of them, just like any other cat or dog would, and even though Maude hated utilizing the vacuum against her own adopted son, she felt it was the most logical way to reach him and get him to comprehend that some behaviors are just not appropriate and he must learn to control them as much as possible. Besides, if he wanted to catch some prey, he should have done some hunting outside. That would have kept him busy for a while. But no… he had to go to the steak and satisfy his selfish desires by devouring the tasty slab of meat for himself.

Omari then vaulted out of the table and then approached Maude with his ears hanging down and his head bowed in shame. He then rested on his legs and then laid his head in his arms while staring straight at his adoptive mother with cold, indifferent, plaintive eyes. He just stared out straight ahead as if she were nothing more than invisible air; his eyes were glazed over as their hue dulled and dimmed with a contemplative expression and they were widened and dazzled with a kind of awe that could only be elicited by a God-fearing person. He was frozen stiff in his crouching pose and his tail barely moved an inch as it was up in the air. "Omari, I do not want to punish you, but if you test my patience a little further, I will have no choice but to do so. Go hunt outside right now if you're so desperate for a meal, please," Maude admonished him with a grim and grave tone, even though her voice hinted a mixed emotion of irritation, frustration and hesitation to do anything drastic to him.

Omari remembered the pained and heartbroken expression on her face, even though her eyes told another different story – and her body language also betrayed her emotions. Her arms were bent over in an akimbo pose and her eyes flickered and blazed an indignant and infuriated glow and a furious rage was permeating and twinkling in her eyes. The young Omari loved his adopted mother so fiercely and was so devoted to her that he was willing to face down her indomitable will and her intimidating demeanor and most of all, her overbearing, opinionated, uncompromising, often difficult personality. He loved her unconditionally, totally, and absolutely, without any judgment or bias towards her and even if he knew that she had an ability to rip out his heart, he had only wished that he could die with tender and loving tears in his eyes.

Maude acknowledged his obedience with a stern glance and then snapped her fingers coldly before pointing him to the door with a curt and testy frown on her lips. She only wanted to prepare her dinner for her arriving guests in peace without having to deal with Omari's hunting instincts going haywire. Omari then flew out the door and then stalked around in the lush, tall, green grass scavenging and scouting for prey for about an hour before he found a canary and savagely killed it with his own bare claws and ripped its head apart and swallowed it whole down his throat after gnawing on it for a few minutes. Then, he proceeded to munch and chew and pick on the body daintily with his teeth and finally after about an hour feasting on the dead bird examined the skeleton in the dark with his ultraviolet eyes and then began digging in the dirt to bury the corpse to give his slain prey at least some respect and dignity to be laid to rest in peace.

Omari was a savage, cruel and ruthless killer when it comes to hunting for food, but he was also compassionate, sympathetic and merciful and manages to treat his lunch or dinner with as much respect as he would give any other human, lion or animal. After the murdered canary was buried deep in the soil he then perked his head up to listen to the crickets chirp in the pristine, beauteous surroundings before he glanced on his shoddy body and began to lick himself to clean any evidence of murder off his body in order to spare his family having to suffer the horror of seeing him in his most vicious, callous and brutal state. Although he was a young lion cub he was highly intelligent and had already learned from primal, innate instinct that some things must be done in spite of human-mandated morals, even if you're a lion cub being raised by upper middle class New Yorkers in the city of Tuckahoe, New York. Especially when it comes to killing your natural prey. Granted Omari wasn't evil, of course, but he must learn to channel and manipulate his primitive, savage, ferocious, somewhat eerily sadistic and heinous instincts without having to harm and endanger the ones he loves.

Ugh, God… He remembered accidentally killing a blue jay in front of Ms. Naugatuck, the Findlays' housekeeper, and she had thrown herself into hysterics. She had tore right into the house screaming and weeping, reciting to Maude what she had just been forced to bear witness, with her solemn, terrified, and sickened tears trickling down her eyes and as she tried to calm herself in sobs, and with her whole body trembling and shuddering with the most severe tremors that ever rocked her body as her body thrashed and flailed with frenzied terror. "Ms. Findlay! Oh, dear Lord! Dear God! I, I-I-I just saw the most awful, dreadful thing! I saw something that no human must ever see! Your own son, the dear boy Omari, he has murdered a blue jay right in front of my own eyes! I saw blood and gore being displayed and splattered and splashed all over the bloody grass – forgive the pun, ma'am, but the sight was quite ghastly indeed. The young boy was tearing at the poor animal's throat; I reckon he is a savage one indeed," Ms. Naugatuck squealed and shrieked in a petrified and mortified voice as she shook Maude roughly while grabbing her by the shirt and rambled rapidly on what she had just seen. Maude was instantly livid; she would not tolerate having any members of her family nor her friends traumatized and shaken by any of Omari's violent and brutal antics. She was determined to teach him a lesson.

And so it was when Omari went prowling in the kitchen looking for another mouse to eat that Maude seized upon Omari and immediately had him collared and muzzled and she also fastened a blue collar around his neck with a golden name tag on it. Additionally, she also latched a leash on his collar so that she would monitor and control his every move. Omari was immediately startled and unnerved by what had just transpired and attempted to flee but then Maude yanked on his leash and remarked to him firmly, "Looks like you need a lot of help controlling your most basic instincts, and I'm going to assist you in doing just that. If you continue to let your unbridled lust for blood cloud your judgment and cause you to frighten a lot more people, you are going to land in more serious trouble than you can ever think of. If you trust me, I can teach you tricks that will help you keep your lust in control and still enable you to carry out your hunts although in a discreet manner." Omari then nodded and then jumped right into Maude's arms; he was worried about what plans she may have in store for him but he still trusted her completely for him to be able to allow her to take control of everything.

And so it was that Omari's house training began. Maude started teaching him all of the basics of training that a normal house cat would typically receive, such as sitting, coming when called, staying put, and then she started to focus exclusively on aiding Omari in keeping his urges to hunt in control. She would start by taking Omari out for a walk in the park or in the neighborhood on his leash without his muzzle and direct him to stay close to her while she let him has his exercise and whenever Omari would glance at a little bird perched on a branch and patching and building a dome-shaped nest along with her mate Maude would study him very carefully to see if he would attempt an ambush on the amorous couple who were preparing to mate and start a family of hatchlings. And whenever Omari would stalk towards a tree and attempt to launch an attack on the birds, Maude would pull on his leash tight and give it a strong tug to signal to Omari to leave the birds alone. Omari would emit an exasperated snarl toward her and then Maude would take out a water spray and douse her son with it to discipline him.

Omari then shook the water off his fur like a dog and grumbled in disgust while he muttered in unintelligible gibberish and the pair continued their brisk walk in the park without any further interruptions. It was then that they came to a lake situated in the middle of the park and then Omari sauntered over to the lake and then peered at his reflection as he sat on his haunches while his tail twitched to and fro in a relaxing motion and the surface of the water gleamed and shimmered as if it was a thin, slim, film of ice; he also noticed the fishes swimming and darting under the water as they leapt and somersaulted out in midair alternatively in a bizarre dance and observed the ducks frolicking and splashing around as they thrashed and struggled in the water. They were constantly clashing and fighting with each other over prospective mates while delivering jabbing pecks and swift, deadly, violent beating of the wings to each other as they glided and sashayed all over the water and even one male duck smashes right into a rival and then wrestles with him underwater in an audacious attempt to drown him.

The female ducks just plopped their heads beneath the surface and skimmed the deep in a cruising motion searching for tasty, loose, stray seaweed and fish to eat with their tails sticking high in the air. It was mating season and even though Omari himself had a girlfriend named Tessa and they had a passionate, intense, deep love for each other, they were too young to become mates, and the Findlays, especially Walter, his adoptive father, were not too keen on having to raise another cub in the house and were not sure if they had enough resources to afford to take care of another dependent living being. Besides, having been a stray most of her life and having no home of her own, Tessa was perfectly capable of taking care of herself and was a very resourceful and clever lioness cub. To Maude and Walter, Tessa was practically a friend of the family.

Omari then grew tired of watching the ducks and slunk off to go and eavesdrop on Maude's conversation with another woman, who happened to be a friend named Madeline. She owned a Pekingese/Shih Tzu puppy with silver, wavy, crimped tufts of hair and she mainly had crème, pallid, ashen fur with ginger/amber rounded, beady, glassy eyes with a tint of blue-green in the right eye. Her ears were flat, narrow, and elongated, dangling right to her chin; her round, large, enormous head was the size of a bowling ball. This dog also had a square and oversized snout with fangs jutting out of her mouth with a narrow, haggard, ferocious face with an arrogant, majestic, haughty expression and she also had a curved, pointy and elevated chin, complimented by a thick, furrowed, curvy unibrow. Her neck was slender and chubby and her body was skinny, sinewy, and lithe, with layers of thick, soft, velvety fur. Her legs were graceful, long, and bony and her feet were gigantic, scruffy and hefty with thick, black feet pads underneath.

Her name was Pettigrew, and she wore a scarlet ribbon around her neck with a golden bell attached to it and a cherry bowtie on top of her with whippy, fluffy graying tufts of hair tucked in behind the ears and her winding, luscious, supple tail swished and flickered indifferently and dispassionately as her narrowing and sullen, glowering, reddish-golden eyes glimpsed at her short, blonde, scruffy haired British owner that had frilly and curled bangs resting on the small forehead; she was wearing blue faded jeans, a white, strapped tank top covered with a khaki/beige woman's vest with an uplifted collar and incorporated with a large breast pocket, and white rubber black and white sneakers twisted and laced with fiber shoelaces with hard, plastic tips and was also conversing and chatting with the middle-aged woman.

Madeline Nightingale was a tall, gangling, slender woman with a wiry, lean, robust and slightly husky build and her sloping, skinny, and bone-thin legs were about 4 to 5 long and they would swing, swish and sway with such a graceful, delicate stride it seemed like she was born a deer and had been incarnated into a human; she also had a compact and small torso. Her dangling and rangy, angular arms were double jointed, elastic, and supple, enabling her to reach over her back and retrieve objects and also snatch something from another person unnoticed, if she wanted to and she was also perfectly capable of executing bending tricks with her elbows that most people wouldn't be able to do. Her uplifted, circular, and diminutive ears were protruding out of her head like the tail feathers of a peacock and she also had a prominent arched, emaciated, enlarged nose. Her cheeks were drawn out tightly and the size of her flat, smooth, flawless cheeks outlined her high, thick, bony cheekbones. Speaking of which, she had an angelic, innocent, fair face and the most light-toned, flaxen and peach/cream complexioned skin, and to top it off, she had the most radiant, brilliant smile that brightened and lit her entire visage like a blistering, scorching, blazing sun.

Pettigrew then glanced around her shoulder and stiffened with an enraged snarl upon laying eyes on the young Omari and then immediately assailed him with incessant barks while snapping her pointy, sharp, fearsome jaws at the young lion cub and he cowered right in front of her. "Pettigrew, pipe down!" Madeline scolded her pet reproachfully with a frown while lightly tapping her on the head and then she settled down while peering at Omari suspiciously. Her blue/green ocean eyes sparkled and shimmered with a tint of golden saffron in the irises and electrified with intensity and intrigued ardor and then she refocused her attention on Maude.

"So, Maude, how are things with you and Omari?" Madeline made a casual inquiry at Maude as she swerved around to her with a soft simper. "Omari is doing fine; he just is having issues with hunting in full view of people because he tends to scare them fairly easy whenever he makes a kill in front of them; I had a housekeeper who just the other day had tore right into my house screaming and blubbering in hysterics and she was recounting to me the horrors she had beheld in front of her eyes. He is a very consummate hunter and he is also the most skilled and efficient one there is and right now I'm trying to train him to keep his activities discreet and not to disturb and alarm people with his gruesome tactics," Maude replied to her acquaintance reassuringly with a smile.

"Oh my, Omari is only a few months old and already he is growing up to be a fine gentleman! Archie is certainly going to be having a hard time keeping up with this young lad when he goes straight into politics!" Madeline commented with a coy and demure chuckle at which Maude had to smirk at. Madeline Nightingale was a shy, timid, yet intellectual conversationalist who liked to discuss deep, controversial issues with Maude and loved to receive advice from the liberal-minded New Yorker when it comes to liberal politics and some pretty polemical subjects that others would be pretty squeamish and hesitant around. But not Madeline; she was very liberal-minded herself and was very strong-willed and independent-minded about matters that aroused and elicited her most raw emotions and would not take no for an answer when her mind is set on something. Only she herself can change her mind when circumstances convince her otherwise and when she decides on something you might as well not even bother on trying to persuade and convince her otherwise.

Pettigrew continued to snap and growl at Omari and then in a flash she let out a deep, raspy bark and Omari flew at Maude in a terrified bound with a yowl and then settled onto her lap uneasily as he circled and paced around agitatedly and buried his head in his arms as he trembled with trepidation and his tail shook and wiggled with terrified tremors. A shudder ran down his back and his ears folded against his head and the moment he peeked at Pettigrew through his arms while quivering in fear, Pettigrew bared her teeth with a threatening stance while her face contorted with a malicious sneer and her ears flattened and flickered as she hacked out a snarl and she then lunged right for him. Omari was then forced to attack and then he charged right at her in a quick sprint with claws outstretched as his tail lashes out with a flick and then with a cub-like snarl he took her down and got into a serious tussle with her.

Pettigrew was then overpowered by Omari as he rolled her over him and swatted and beat her with his paws plummeting on her body and head and he struck her repeatedly with his claws; they then tumbled and toppled over each other before Omari plunged onto the ground and then pinned the small dog on her back while snarling and breathing heavily, with his eyes flaring and sparking with rage. Pettigrew then sprung on him and then started scratching and tearing at his face in a full blown assault and then she nipped her in the nose. "Omari!" Maude shrieked in terror and then she quickly snatched up Omari and then cuddled her wounded son close to her bosom while Madeline muzzled and hooked her own pet to her leash.

Omari then whimpered and sobbed in an anguished voice and was screaming in pain; blood was gushing and spilling all over his face as a result of the cuts inflicted on his skin and his body was also bruised and covered with slash wounds. "Pettigrew! You bad, bad dog! Come on, we're going straight home and you're going straight to the doghouse!" Madeline reproved and chided her dog angrily and then she glanced at Maude with a sympathetic, apologetic face. "I'm so sorry, Maude. I am terribly sorry about your Omari. If there is anything…" she apologized lamentably. "No need to apologize. Omari's a fighter; he'll make it somehow," Maude choked a sob as she rose to get up from the bench and then walked away while carrying the unconscious Omari in her arms and then Madeline soon followed suit by dragging Pettigrew along with a leash.

Maude never left Omari's side in the days that followed after Omari's brutal and sadistic attack by Pettigrew; she would often gently dab his face with a hot, steamy, damp towel and had washed the blood off him with a lukewarm bath upon bringing him home. Carol had nearly fainted when she saw her younger adopted brother in a bloodied, tattered, beaten, bruised state and was so outraged and infuriated that she immediately demanded her mother for answers. Maude then recounted vividly what had happened in the events that led to Omari's attack, and then Carol scooped up Omari and then ushered him to the living room to rest from his exhaustive fight with Pettigrew.

Maude spent days on end nursing her youngest child back to health by supplying him with orange juice and creamy slops of milk along with some chicken soup and she would often sleep with him on the couch to keep him company. Omari's wounds then congealed and healed up as they clotted and coagulated and gradually began to close up; eventually, they cleared up altogether. Unfortunately for Maude, the psychological and emotional effects that resulted from the attack remained and Omari would often be wary of dogs, especially small ones. It would be a while before the young lion cub would recover completely from the incident and be able to put it behind him.

**Author's Note: So basically, this chapter gives a brief glimpse into Omari's past and summarizes his daily life and adventures with the Findlays, as well as his relationships with various members of the family, including Maude. It also demonstrates his personality and there is also a mention of Tessa, his childhood friend and girlfriend and also another original character of mine. However, you would not be able to see her until much, much later. Speaking of Maude, it also gives an insight depth into their personal relationship as mother and son and of how Maude interacts with him. I know that this story is kind of weird, especially for a television show such a this, but well, this show was kind of bizarre and wacky to begin with and besides these are the type of stories I usually write so bear with me. Other characters that are briefly mentioned include Maude's cousin-in-law and nemesis Archie Bunker, Walter, (Maude's husband), and Omari's birth mother, Suzannah, who is also briefly shown in my other fanfiction, a new one in fact, called "Lady Sedona: Origins." As soon as I'm done with this AND the Lady Sedona tale, hopefully I might be able to write a prequel to this story involving Suzannah's back story as a royal princess and superhero and how she got exiled from her home planet and how Omari came about and what led her to ultimately abandon her children and husband and disappear somewhere else. If I do write a prequel for this fanfiction, it will most likely be classified under the Maude subcategory, since Maude and Walter will be the featured characters in the story. And as for a flashback of Omari's birth, there is an indirect reference to the infamous abortion episode when Maude decides to have an abortion after talking it over with Walter. And for the brief Bush's grilled beans reference I'm a big fan of those beans and I'm always excited to eat them every time my mom or daddy would cook them. So, if you like this story so far, I encourage you to keep on reading. It gets weirder and more bizarre but it gets better! **

**R.P.  
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	2. Chuck VS Omari: To Hell And Back

**A/N: Yes! I'm finally having a Chapter 2 coming up! I have to warn you though; this chapter takes a VERY strange turn. And I do mean strange. And please do not post any reviews complaining on the sharp and unexpected twist the story takes at the end of this chapter, for I myself did not see that coming, but if the strange twist bothers you anyway, please be polite about it. I will not tolerate bluntly rude reviews. It all started after Omari had been beaten severely by Pettigrew...**

It wasn't until one day that Maude received a telephone call from her best friend, Vivian. She picked up the phone from its base and then held it to her ear as she sauntered around with Omari still sleeping on the couch. "Hello? Oh, hi Vivian; how are you? Good, good. Listen, I would like for you to come over to my house today. Yes, Omari's still recovering from that vicious, brutal dog attack by Pettigrew, you know, Madeline's Pekingese/Shih Tzu mix? It was a very brutal attack indeed, Vivian. You should have seen how hysterical I was when I witnessed Omari being viciously beaten and throttled to the point where blood was drenched all over his face; he was also riddled with several slash wounds all over his body, and Carol nearly fainted to the floor when she saw Omari being bludgeoned and battered nearly to death like that."

"I cannot tell you how much that pains me as a mother to see her own son in pain. Uh huh, okay… Wait a minute, honey, are you sure that bringing Chuck over to my house is okay? I think Omari is still thoroughly traumatized by what Pettigrew did to him; he'll be very nervous and agitated around him…" Maude converses with Vivian over the phone and notifies her about Omari's progress and what had happened on that day and her jaw dropped when she hears that Vivian and Arthur are going to bring Chuck over to her house to get acquainted with Omari.

"Maude, I think this is very serious; I strongly believe that Omari should be reintroduced with dogs, although I personally believe that Chuck himself is a vicious brute…" Arthur cut in as he snatches Vivian's phone from her hand and then lectures to Maude in his usually arrogant, haughty, sanctimonious manner while in a juxtaposed right side of the split camera-view frame and Vivian scolds him by retorting, "Arthur!" Then she swipes the phone from him again and proceeds again with talking to Maude. "I'm sorry, Maude, but you know how much Chuck means to me," she apologized sympathetically. "And you know damn well how much Omari means to me. I would give MY LIFE for that boy. He means the whole world to me. If anything were to happen to him, I'll be completely destroyed," Maude responded with a maudlin, emotional reply. "I'm sorry, Maude. I'll make sure Chuck is perfectly behaved and won't attack anyone in your house," Vivian blubbered on candidly and innocently. "Thank you so much for your time, Viv. Now I must get going; I have to check on Omari," Maude expressed her thanks with a smile and then she promptly placed the phone in its base, ending the conversation and switching the camera focus back to normal.

She then ambled over to Omari and knelt down in front of her son as she started to stroke him fondly on the head. "Hey there, you; how's my little boy today?" Maude grinned at her little son lovingly as Omari blinked and smiled back. "Hey there, Maude; how are you today?" Omari murmured to his adoptive mother softly. "I see that my little Omari is getting his rest today, isn't he?" Maude chortled as she continued to caress his face tenderly and then Omari closed his eyes at her touch and was starting to fall asleep. Maude then kissed his eyes and then covered him with his favorite light blue blanket and then propped up his head with a pillow. She may be stern, iron-willed, domineering, and imperious, and she treated Omari just as much as she treated others most of the time, but she really had a soft spot for the forsaken young cub. Just then the doorbell rang, and Carol walked over to receive the visitors.

"I'll get it, Mother," she informed Maude and she reached the door and then opened it, revealing Arthur, Vivian and of course, Chuck. Chuck was a spiteful, foul-tempered, nasty fox terrier who despised Arthur greatly for reasons unknown, but whom Vivian adored like her son, just as Maude loved Omari as if he were her natural son. Chuck then snarled with a stiffened, upper lip and then swerved his head with his ears pricked to glare at the young Omari viciously. Omari shuddered with terror and then retreated under his blanket while trembling and quivering in nervous and agitated, apprehensive tremors.

Chuck's dark marble eyes glistened with malice and a spark of red tint flickered in his eyes and then with a sprint he charged right at Omari with a resounding bark while Omari's terrified cries could be heard. Maude froze in horror and alarm – her best friend's dog was about to assault her own adopted son! Maude was about to snap herself out of her trance and rush in to save Omari when Vivian unexpectedly sprung on Chuck and restrained him by his leash, pulling and tugging all the way while trying to prevent him from hurting poor Omari, with Arthur coming to her rescue and grabbing his wife's back and attempting to assist her by pulling his wife backwards and further constraining the dog in his tracks; Chuck's jaws snapped and he emitted quick, sudden, sharp barks and growls as saliva dribbled all over his mouth and his eyes glistened and radiated with a malicious, vicious, malevolent sheen; his lips curled up even more, revealing his ghastly, carnivorous teeth; he then clawed and dug his feet right into the carpet, leaving scratch marks right in the floor as he pulled and struggled against his owners to break free from their grasp so he could launch his assault on the defenseless young lion cub. Omari's fur bristled and frizzled and he unsheathed his claws in preparation for attack; he growled low in his throat and then clambered out of the blanket with a fierce and ferocious visage and gave a raspy cub-like snarl. Maude did not like how a potential conflict was developing between Chuck and Omari, and she wanted to stop it before it began – or worse.

"Omari, smooth down your fur and sheath your claws; I do not want to see you attacking someone's pet, you hear me young man?" Maude ordered a strict command to her son, hoping it would reach him, but Omari was reluctant to throw in the towel on this fight just yet. He then stalked towards Chuck menacingly and gave out a shrill hiss while his tongue wiggled out like a snake; the maniacal and insane sheen and luster in his eyes was appalling. Maude felt like this meeting was bound to turn into a disaster, for she felt she was powerless to stop her son from evolving into a barbaric rage. She did not want to witness her own son slay another person's dog – what would Walter say? He would probably had Omari killed in order to spare anyone else the grief of losing their pet. Maude would be devastatingly heartbroken, and she knew it. She had to save her son from himself, and if it meant sacrificing her own life just so he could live, then she would take that route. "Omari, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Maude howled at the top of her lungs as she grabbed Omari by the collar and then chained him to his leash while spraying bursts of water on his face with the water spray to break him out of his trance. Vivian and Arthur could not believe what they had just seen; their friend had just spewed blasts of water on her son in order to avoid him attacking their dog!

The hefty discharge of water from the water spray distracted Omari from his target and snapped him out of his violent trance; the young lion cub then shook his head wildly to clear up the damp drops of water from his shaggy mane as he peered right at his stricken mother. "Maude, I don't know what came over me," he stammered as he gawked at his mother with a stunned expression. "It's okay, Omari. You just need to learn how to control your barbaric instincts, that's all," Maude said to him in a soothing voice and then she fetched for a towel in the kitchen and when she returned to Omari she gently dabbed and rubbed the towel on his face to dry up. She then turned to Arthur and Vivian with a grim stare and her harsh and severe glare became even more fixated on Vivian, and the young woman knew she was instantly in trouble; her face paled and blanched and she saw that Maude was clearly displeased with the turn of events just by looking at her pursued lips and her blistering, fierce stare.

"Vivian, you are a complete buffoon for suggesting and bringing up the idea of taking Chuck over to my house today and Arthur you were completely foolish for even encouraging that idea! You two should have taken into consideration that Chuck is a menace in this household and you should have thought of the possibility that he could have seriously hurt someone. If that menacing dog of yours laid a hand on my son I would never speak to any of you again!" Maude fiercely scolded and reproved both her best friend and her husband.

"It's not Chuck's fault, Maude. He just needs a friend," Omari piped in squeakily after sauntering and ambling his way out of the sofa in a sinuous manner and then sidled over to Chuck and smiled at him. "Hello, Chuck. My name's Omari; what's yours?" he greeted him in an affable and friendly manner. Chuck just growled at Omari indifferently and dispassionately and then sniffed him around for a few seconds to get acquainted with his scent. Vivian, Arthur and Maude observed the scene anxiously while huddling and crowding around Chuck and Omari with the tumultuous tension rising in the atmosphere and Maude even found herself biting her lips and clasping her hands on her chest fretfully and tautly; Vivian was nibbling lightly on her nails and Arthur just stood there while gazing at the pair expressionlessly. Finally Chuck was done sniffing around Omari's fur and could only scoff coldly and just stormed off while clacking off on his hard, pointy nails. He then jumped right into Vivian's arms and then spun around to cast a wary glance at Omari.

Chuck stared at him for a few moments before emitting a low, calm, mild snarl at him as if to say, _You know what, kid? You're just not worth beating the crap out of for. I'm going to torture someone else, preferably that jackass Arthur. Good day and I hope I don't run into your little pathetic ass again. _"We're so sorry, Maude. We hope that little Omari feels better," Vivian stated her apologies to Maude, at which Maude acquiesced. "Thank you so much for coming, Vivian and Arthur. I think Omari is beginning to feel better already," Maude responded by expressing her gratitude to her dear neighbors. Vivian and Arthur then bid her goodbye and then departed from the Findlay house with Chuck in hand. Maude then sat down on the couch to watch some 7 o'clock news to watch some politics, at which Omari reluctantly joined her. He never particularly enjoyed listening to politics, but he did like to hear Maude's rants about her political views. And now he wanted to talk to her about what he felt about today.

"I don't think Chuck likes me, Maude," he quipped in a monotonous voice. "He gave me a really, really dirty look just before he and the Harmons left." "Oh well, you know honey, Chuck isn't necessarily the nicest dog in the world. But Vivian loves him as if he were her own son, just like I adore you as if you were my real son," Maude sighed and sympathized with him as she continued to listen to the television. "He'll come around, Omari, you'll see." "Yeah, right," Omari mumbled as he continued to listen to the news and then settled down on his chest and rested his head on his arms as he gazed out into the screen with his tail flickering to and fro and occasionally curling up to his sides.

"Hey, Omari, did anyone die today?" Walter retorted wittily as he shuffled his way into the living room and sat down next to Maude while munching on a bowl of popcorn. "Nope, not anyone I would remember," Omari mumbled drolly as he caught his mother stealing a dirty look towards her husband. "Walter, do you really think that watching politics is like watching a football game?" Maude chided and reprimanded her husband reproachfully as he continued to scoop handfuls of popcorn into his mouth. Omari actually guffawed and chuckled at that comment and he banged his fist as his chuckles escalated into hoots. "Omari, will you pipe down?" Maude snapped at Omari with an incensed, exasperated growl in her voice as she swerved around to holler at him and then Omari immediately clammed up upon viewing her irritated and disgruntled expression. "What do you know? He has his mother's sensibility," Walter commented in awe while looking at the stupefied Omari as Maude took a bite of the popcorn he was eating and then took a few more bites for herself. "Hey!" Walter riposted at Maude indignantly once he caught her hoarding all of the popcorn pieces voraciously. Maude just chuckled huskily while flashing a devilish grin at her husband, at which Omari rolled his eyes in disgust and annoyance.

But then a flash of lightning cracked through the dense air as the roar of thunder rippled throughout the entire house and Omari yowled in terror while emitting a shrill cat-like yowl. The house flashed out into darkness within a split second and then flickered on and on in alternating flashes of light and darkness as Maude and Walter stood up in consternation and alarm and was surveying the house to see what bizarre supernatural occurrence was going on. "MA'AM! I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING! CAN YOU BE A DEAR AND FETCH ME A FLASHLIGHT?!" Ms. Naugatuck hollered and bellowed in the darkness as Maude directed her focus right to the kitchen and she saw a wizened, hunched over, shriveled old woman stumbling and wobbling in the dark clad in a light, pale, plaid, grey shawl and Walter flourished out a flash light from a nearby drawer and flicked it on; he then directed the beam of light right at Ms. Naugatuck, who was clearly bemused and speechless. "Ma'am, can please you explain to me what in the blazes is going on here?" Ms. Naugatuck rasped at her employer in a thickly accented British/Cockney voice while pronouncing the word "ma'am" as "mum".

At another flash of lightning the door opened and then Edith and Archie unexpectedly scurried right into the house in the palpable darkness, startling and surprising the Findlays. "Archie, what in God's name are you and Edith doing here?" Maude gasped and gaped in astonishment and disbelief. "Our power went out when the lightning struck a tree near our house; it toppled right through the roof and crushed the house like a can of soda," Edith squawked and babbled in bewilderment as she shuddered and quivered in apprehension. "Gloria and Meathead had to hightail out of there along with the rest of us before all of the falling debris crashed to the ground," Archie panted as he shuffled over to take a seat in the sofa to cool down and let himself perspire with the sweat running down and dripping on his face and body.

He had never ran so hard in his life as he, Edith, Gloria, Mike and Joey had to flee their beloved abode before they were crushed by the resulting debris as their house disintegrated and crumbled to the ground. "Dang you, you dingbat! Why didn't you tell us that there was a storm a-coming?" Archie cursed out his wife as he slumped onto the sofa soaked in sweat. "Archie that was no fault of mine! That was just a freak of nature," Edith attempted to explain away the phenomenon to her frazzled and exhausted husband. "Everybody settle down! Let's just all calm down and let's see if we can try to make any last minute arrangements in here," Maude issued a command to everyone around the room with a shrill inflection of her voice.

Everybody ceased their banter and chattering and all looked at Maude, as if she were their only remaining hope. Joey whimpered and trembled fretfully and then hugged his adopted cousin Omari for comfort. "What are ya staring at, boy? Get off the damn sofa, you stray cat!" Archie sneered at Omari contemptuously before he swatted him away with a newspaper and then Omari sprung off the sofa and sprinted right into the kitchen to nibble on some old tuna fish. "Archie Bunker, you will not dare refer to my son as a stray cat!" Maude snarled at Archie with a furious roar. "Who the hell gives, Maude? His parents must have been a bunch of neglectful white trash! I'll bet you $100 that his father was a Negro!" Archie shot back disparagingly and spitefully. "Negro… That is not true! None of his parents had any dark, black color on them at all! Omari just happened to be a rare colored cub!" Maude scoffed disagreeably.

"Well… I still don't like the looks of that boy, Maude. I never liked him at all, not even since the day you first brought him home," Archie vacillated before firing back at Maude tenaciously. "Archie!" Edith frowned at Archie disapprovingly and then turned to Maude. "Don't get me wrong, Maude, but I always loved Omari. Why, I remember the day you first brought him home wrapped around in that little white blanket. I remember holding and cradling him in my arms and bottling feeding him for minutes at a time; he was such a tiny, diminutive little angel and he didn't have as much hair as he did now. As a matter of fact, he had three strands of thin hair on his bald head. Now Omari looks so handsome and gorgeous, but still so adorable," Edith gushed and grinned as she reminisced the day her cousin Maude brought her newborn adopted son home.

"Hey, you know what? I got an idea. Mike, Joey and I will sleep in the same room together, Mom and Dad will sleep in another room, and then Maude, Walter and Omari will also sleep in another room," Gloria suggested while breaking the ice. "I got an even better idea: You and Mike will sleep in the guest room upstairs and Archie and Edith could sleep in a makeshift bed in the living room; we'll have Omari and Joey sleep in the crib together in our room," Maude proposed another suggestion. "That'll work," Walter agreed by nodding his head. "Mother, what happened with the lights? Philip was playing with his video games when the power went out," Carol hollered to her mother as she descended down the stairs with her young, teenage son Philip in tow. "Omari, are you okay buddy?" Philip accosted Omari as he dashed to the living room and then scratched him behind the ears and ruffled and tousled his hair playfully before turning to his grandmother. "Grandma!" he squealed before he sprinted for his grandmother and then capered right into her arms and gave her a big hug, which his grandmother accepted.

"Oh, my little grandson," Maude crooned lovingly before kissing her grandson's hair. Then she snatched the flashlight from Walter and aimed it at the clock; it was midnight. "Okay, now that the storm has settled down we will retire for bed. Edith, you, Archie and I will set up the makeshift sofa bed and I'll help Gloria and Mike get ready for bed; I'll take care of Joey for you," Maude declared resolutely and decidedly. "I'll take care of Gloria and Mike for you, ma'am. You, Edith and Archie concentrate on setting up the sofa bed in the living room," Ms. Naugatuck volunteered cooperatively. "Thank you, Ms. Naugatuck; you have been of most help," Maude thanked her British maid gratefully with a gentle smile as she patted Philip's head softly. "Ah, anything for you turkeys!" Ms. Naugatuck huffed with a good-natured smile as she toddled and tittered upstairs to go to the upstairs guest room with Gloria and Mike following her as the thunder quietly rumbled and boomed in the background and a soft, ultraviolet flash of light glistened in the shadows.

Maude, Archie and Edith were soon unfolding and pulling out a heavy queen-sized mattress bed little by little after having removed the sofa pillows and other accessories that assembled together a regular sofa, with Archie pointing the light directly at the sofa just so Edith and Maude could see what they were doing. The two women then settled the hefty, rectangular, iron-shaped bed onto the floor and then Edith shook out two layers of bed sheets with three snaps to decrease the wrinkles and then she and Maude started to work diligently around the bed, tucking in all of the corners and sides of the main bed sheet that covered the bare bed. Then while Edith gently placed one bed sheet on the bed and Maude puts in another bed sheet on top of the other bed sheet, Omari then helps his adoptive mother and cousin with making the bed by folding the edges neatly into a nice rectangular line and then smoothes out all of the wrinkles that materialized on the bed sheets, making his mother beam with pride.

"How did you teach the young lad how to make a bed?" Ms. Naugatuck interjected with wonder and astonishment as she slid down the stairs in a sashaying motion, (despite of her old age), and then gaped at the trio with awe; she then focused her attention on the young Omari and simpered while bending her arms and positioning them in her hips slyly, forming an akimbo. "He has to learn sometime, Ms. Naugatuck. Omari must learn how do things around the house and to become self-sufficient if he ever wants to raise a family of his own and find a mate," Maude explicated calmly and placidly to Ms. Naugatuck as she nodded while listening.

"Wait a minute, ma'am; what's the hurry? Omari is only a few months old yet. It's not like he's reproductively mature to mate and produce offspring of his own," Ms. Naugatuck riposted quizzically with her right eyebrow raised inquisitively. "Ms. Naugatuck does have a point," Maude addressed Edith with a hushed whisper while Edith nodded attentively. "Omari has a girlfriend, Maude?" Edith spoke up curiously with a speculative tone. "Of course, Edith; her name is Tessa, and she is a pink stray lioness who has no parents. She lives on her own in the streets and is a very ingénue and resourceful young lady," Maude elucidated to her cousin promptly. "She has no parents?! That's awful!" Edith gasped with an aghast and alarmed expression on her countenance while covering her mouth with her hand in dismay. "I know. I worry for the young lioness sometimes; she could get herself killed one of these days and I don't want Omari to get his heart broken," Maude agreed with Edith while speaking in a grim, ominous, portentous tone. "Poor Omari," Edith cooed sympathetically and compassionately. Maude hung her head and inhaled deeply as quiet thoughts stirred in her head.

Sometime later, Edith and Archie were lying asleep in their makeshift sofa bed in the living room and Maude and Omari were sitting together in the opaque darkness with the crickets chirping in the background; Maude was also lighting up a cigarette and taking a drag while Omari blinked at her and observed his murky surroundings. Maude then rested her arm on the table and let the cigarette linger between her index and middle fingers as the smoke drifted and meandered in the air like a weaving river. She seemed weary, exhausted and fatigued, with a somnolent sparkle glistening in her eyes and they were darkened and marked by dark circles painted around them. Her body was wrecked with worry and concern and her eyes seem to wander off into space and fixate out into nothing as her mind was somewhere else entirely. "Are you okay, Maude?" Omari whispered hoarsely to Maude, at which Maude hacked a sharp, gruffly deep cough from her throat and sniffled from the irritating effects of the cigarette smoke. "Yeah, I'm okay, Omari. It's just that I don't like the idea of Archie rooming in our house. You know very well how he and I have a rivalry going on," Maude sniffled as she spoke in a hoarsely coarse, guttural voice that sounded as if she had just recently caught a cold.

She then proceeded to utter another sharp cough as she said this and inhaled another puff of the cigarette, which seemed to be very uncharacteristic of her. Omari had NEVER known Maude to smoke, ever; he had never even seen her drink excessively either. Sure he had seen Walter drink beer a couple of times and he even shown up home heavily intoxicated once or twice, but that was about it. And he did have had that habit with that cigar and smoking pipe… "You think you got issues with Uncle Archie? That guy hates me! It's almost like he wishes I was never born!" Omari griped and groused in an exasperated and frustrated voice as he banged his fist on the table. "Omari, don't bang your fist on the table," Maude growled in a gravelly, smoky, gritty voice while clearing out the misty and thick cigarette smoke from her throat by continued coughing. "Serves him right! How could he go on treating me like this! This man absolutely has no soul!" Omari kept on screaming and shouting out all of the injustices he felt that Archie implemented on him, and it was clear from the loud, stentorian tone in his voice that he was angry. "That is not true, young man!" Maude yelled at him with a staggering, escalating increase in the volume in her voice as its tone was rendered huskier and throatier as a result of the smoke accumulating in her throat and lungs.

Omari had stood up too right in front of Maude; his anger had now possessed him with such an aggressive, aggravated rage in his mind and soul that he wanted to pull out his claws and attack to clear out the anger and rage from his system. His body temperature was now burning and sweltering with a staggering increase of magnitude and his entire small body felt like it was on fire, as if his entire immune system was fighting off a serious fever. He was convulsing and shaking with such a wave of jerky tremulousness that Maude was consternated and frightened with panic that Omari might be suffering from an unexpected seizure. "Omari! No!" Maude shrieked in panicked alarm and then she rushed right into the living room to rouse the Bunkers from their sleep to plead for their assistance: Omari's life might be in serious danger. "Maude please help me!" Omari pleaded in a shrill, high-pitched, petrified voice as he shrieked and screeched at the top of his lungs and right before he saw Walter emerge from the living room from the corner of his eye shouting, "Omari? Omari are you okay?" he found himself spinning around rapidly in a blur, with the bright crimson, cherry red background evolving in a dizzying circle and flickering with more darker shades of blood, wine-red hues permeating in his eyes.

A shroud of black enveloped in his vision and right before he passed out he saw a vision of Pettigrew charging right at him with her hideous, monstrous, gruesome face revealing her sharp, deadly teeth and with her paws outstretched, in for the kill. With a deep, rumbling bark resounding from her voice, Omari felt his body go numb and a cold sensation sweeping over him. He thought he felt the angel of death taking him by the hand and he also heard murmurs and whispers of Celtic voices fill his ears with a heavenly sound. _Omari, _a voice whispered into his consciousness. And the moment he felt someone place his/her hands on his chest, he felt his throat close up and he soon drifted even deeper into unconsciousness; in his hallucinations, he felt his throat open and close various times and he writhed and struggled to fight to stay alive. Omari could only see black and felt as if his soul was transported out of his body and he was experiencing a very fantastic out of body experience. He tried to call out to Maude but the formless words barely even left his lips.

_Maude… _he gasped and he tried to breathe fresh oxygen into his lungs but nothing was being inhaled in. It was as if something was obstructing his airways. _Maude… Help me!!!!! _He tried to scream out at the top of his lungs, but no sound aroused from his voice. _Omari, please come back… _Omari thought he heard Vivian say. He knew he must have recognized and discerned her voice. _Vivian, help! I need to go to a hospital! _He thought to himself, waiting to see if he could reach her somehow, somewhere. _Omari? Omari? Where are you, kiddo? Omari? Come on, kid! Speak to me! Oh, God… Walter; I think he ingested some kind of poison. How the bloody hell is that even possible? Ms. Naugatuck, I don't know how this could possibly happen. Omari has no history of seizures. He has a clean bill of health. Why is Omari lying on the floor, Grandma? _Philip! Omari thought, with his heart beating excitedly, at the sound of Philip's voice. Surely Philip could hear him… he thought hopefully. _I don't know honey, I don't know. I don't think your uncle is even barely alive… _

_Oh God please! Don't take my Omari from me! Please let him live! I'm coming, Maude… _Omari addressed his thoughts to Maude. _Don't worry, Maude… I'm coming; I'm not going to leave you behind! All right…. That's it; if you're not going to bring him back God then I WILL! Walter, hand me the defibrillators; I'm going to revive Omari with every damn strength I have! _Omari then heard Vivian scream shrilly, _Maude, what are you doing?! _And then a blast of shock waves pulsed throughout his body, but Omari was still trapped. _Maude, I don't think it's working; I'm really starting to think Omari's dead…. _Was Walter's voice. _Don't you dare start with that talk, Walter! You watched his own mother give birth to this little boy and you know it! Now you're going to watch me bring back my own flesh and blood to life! Uh, Maude, he's not even your real son… Shut up Walter! Omari! Quiet, Carol! Uncle Omari, come back! _And with that another surge of electricity proliferated through his veins and a sudden rush of air surged right into his lungs. _Omari, if you do not come back to me, I'll actually strangle you! Don't die on me, Omari! I'll die of a broken heart! I don't want to lose you! God will get you for this, Omari Israel Ben-Von Remarr Findlay! Come on, damn you! LIVE!!!!!!!! _

Then a final rush of electric sparks pumped right into his body and this time there was a flash of white light in his eyes before the blackness dissipated and he woke up to see his mother kneeling over him in a squat, with the defibrillators in hand. Her face was flushed red and her eyes were bloodied dark crimson red; she had been wailing and crying. The entire Bunker/Findlay family – Edith, Archie, Joey, Philip, Ms. Naugatuck, Gloria, Mike, Walter, Carol, Vivian, Arthur and of course the paramedics were all surrounding and hovering over him with concerned and distressed faces, and even a young, male paramedic bent over his face, grinning. "Hey there you little guy. You were really lucky tonight. We were very close to losing you but your mother here was very persistent; she loves you very much. You got a whole entire family who cares for you very much also," he accosted him with a friendly air. "What the hell happened?" he gasped with a whispery voice. "It appears you either inhaled or ate something that you were allergic to, and whatever you ingested triggered a severe allergic reaction that nearly killed you."

"I don't think it's a normal allergen you might have consumed; I really think you ate or inhaled or swallowed something that might have been a poison," the paramedic explained and briefed to the young cub patiently and calmly on what had occurred to him. "When you passed out and collapsed, Omari, we were worried for you. We thought you weren't going to make it," Vivian added with a cracking, sniveling voice, her face also blushed with red skin tones. She'd been crying, he silently noted. "You really freaked us out, Omar. That was not normal what just happened to you," Walter added solemnly. "We rushed here just as fast as we could," Vivian retorted with a sharp reply with a shake of her head to accompany her serious and grave tone. "You're going to be fine now, Omari; these are some of the best medical personnel in the entire state of New York," Arthur informed the young lion cub reassuringly.

No one have barely noticed that Archie was stone stiff and had not uttered a single word, not even a curt, disrespectful reply to make his obnoxious, bigoted, priggish opinions heard. Edith was also strangely quiet, for she just stood there stone-faced, her eyes dull and lacking its usually animated, vivacious, lively luster and with a sullen, grim, downcast countenance accompanied by a sour frown. _Poison… _Maude thought to herself darkly; _someone in this house tried to poison my son… _"Well, there's not much else we can do around this house, so we'll let you off with a warning. You better take good care of that boy of yours, and make sure he does not ingest anything suspicious that could be within his reach," the head paramedic informed the gang as he and his team of medical personnel departed from the kitchen. "Thank you so much, sir. We'll keep a good eye on Omari; we'll promise you," Maude addressed him politely and with great courtesy by shaking his head and he responded with a wave of goodbye before he disappeared from the kitchen.

"All right, people; now we have to get back to bed," Carol instructed everyone. "Carol's right; we all must get some rest after that fiasco with Omari," Maude agreed heartily with her daughter and then everyone dispersed back to their original rooms, leaving only Maude, Walter, Vivian, Arthur, Carol and Philip. Omari could only gape in silence as he felt eyes stare down at him, and then Carol crossed her arms with a firm frown. "Don't ever scare us like that ever again, Omari," was all Carol could say before she stormed out of the room, making Omari feeling especially guilty. He felt awful about causing a whole ruckus by nearly dying on them. But what exactly did he ingest that afternoon? All he remembered was that the tuna fish he was munching on had an unusual, weird taste. This was one of those moments where he wished he had his mother's constant wariness about things that may seem out of place. How could he have been so stupid! If he had alerted Maude about it, none of this drama would have happened.

That night he slept in his usual cot situated in Maude and Walter's room while Joey had a crib all to himself, just on the other side of the room. The Findlays were sleeping all their troubles away in their bed, and Omari perked his head to peer at the window. He started at the sight of a moving shadow. _Who was_ _that?_ He wondered to himself. A wizened, shriveled, diminutive, pixie-sized figure approached the window and then dark marble eyes gazed out through the curtains. Omari gasped in shock. _Ah, hell no… No, no, no, no, no, no! NO! HELL NO! This cannot be happening! What in God's name is going on here? Is some government agent shadowing me or something? Am I being stalked by a crazed poacher? Show yourself, woman! _

Woman? How did he know there was a woman standing outside his room? He studied her wavy, short, smooth, straight hair and her oval-shaped face; she seemed to look like a little gorilla for all he knew, judging by the shadow of her figure. Who was that woman anyway? The woman then revealed herself through the curtains. Holy crap! She did look like a gorilla! She had such a peculiar way about her… her face been scrunched up together, her high cheekbones were curved below her eyes, and she also seemed to have a prominent, straight nose. Her facial features were so complex that Omari could not describe exactly what she looked like, yet there was something about her that caught his eye. Does she look like an alien? Another thought crossed his head.

Omari and the woman had now been staring at each other for a total of 5 minutes. The woman was amused and intrigued with fascination by how Omari seemed to look much older than he seemed, determining by how his hair was groomed and curried and by how much he had grown. Omari knew that when he spoke, he did not sound as mature and older as he seemed to be; he sounded a lot younger, just about his age. "I've been watching you, young Omari," the woman finally spoke up, and then Omari shuddered when she uttered his name. "Forgive me," said the woman, smiling quite bashfully, "but my name is Dame Marjorie Chardin. But just call me Maude." "Maude? That's my mom's name; well, she isn't really my real mom anyway because my parents abandoned me when I was a baby," Omari stuttered and stammered in bewilderment and amazement upon hearing that familiar name.

"I see you're a very remarkable young man, Omari. You just survived a very deadly poison, a very rare, lethal kind of poison that is being sold as a drug and as a pesticide," Maude remarked to Omari informatively. "Rare type of poison? What are you talking about?" Omari muttered while shaking his head in confusion. "Don't concern yourself with complicated questions right now, Omari. You've had a very rough night and you just need to replenish your energy with rest. We'll discuss this in the morning; I will appear to your mother and talk with her about the poison that nearly took your life," Maude directed her command as she drilled Omari on what was to happen in the morning.

"At least just tell me how I could have come in contact with this poison!" Omari pleaded to her desperately. "There is a large supply of this poison stored in the kitchen in your house; I've did a thorough examination of this house and it appears that years ago this house was used as a storage space to house some of the most dangerous and hazardous drugs ever sold here, long before your parents moved here. The drugs come in capsules and sprays; their only purpose to humans is to make them high and go on a LSD-related trip that would take them into some of the most distant planes on this earth. It amplifies your out of body experiences in other words and it is believed that it could be used as a device to switch bodies. I know it sounds crazy but listen to me! One of the old sprays could have been tampered with; therefore, the gooey liquid form of the drug could have seeped through the metallic barriers of the tuna fish cans and contaminated one of them. You could have eaten one of those cans! The quickest way to get a really strong high is through the spray. That is where the drug is at its most powerful. Beware of the drug, Omari; protect your family from imminent death," Maude regaled and enlightened Omari on the history of the drug and Omari's ears pricked and his fur bristled in terror and mortification.

"Who is operating this bizarre drug trade?!" he whispered in a stupefied, squeaky voice. "God knows, but don't worry yourself Omari. Now get some sleep; the angels will protect you," Maude consoled him softly before shushing him and instructing him to go to sleep. "Night, Maudie," Omari murmured before he rolled over on his side and closed his eyes to go to sleep. He then sat up just a moment later and Maude was still standing by the window. "Maude?" he hissed in a low voice. "Yes?" was her gentle, temperate, benevolent retort. "Can you sleep with me tonight? I don't feel so safe in this house all of the sudden," Omari implored his new friend pleadingly. "Well… It wouldn't hurt to stick around in this house; it is rather quite charming and quaint," Maude mused to herself and then she snuck into the room quietly while slipping through the window she had opened moments earlier and snuggled right into Omari's bed and lay beside him. She then sat up to close and lock the window securely and lay on her left side once more, cuddling close to her new friend and enfolding her arms around him reassuringly. They had met even barely 10 minutes ago but already Maude found a kindred soul she wanted to protect from the unforeseen dangers that lurked in this house.

Omari smiled and inhaled the scent that emanated from this benevolent, altruistic, spirited woman and found himself in the throes of a deep sleep. His heart skipped a joyful beat and then he slowly closed his eyes and let sleep overtake him. The house finally was quiet, with Omari lying wrapped in Maude's arms and Maude cradled him close to him, already sleeping quite peacefully. Maude and Walter were also snoozing and dozing in their beds and were perfectly still, with the occasional snoring stemming from Walter, unaware that a mysterious woman had just entered their home unannounced and uninvited. This woman would help them uncover one of the most seedy and devious plots to ever occur within the doors of the Findlay home. But what would happen when dawn breaks? There was only one way to find out…

**Pretty creepy huh? Well, I think these strange drugs might have a somewhat significant role in the events to come in this story; the cigars and pipes reference that came shortly before Omari's near fatal seizure is an indirect reference to an old "Maude" episode that dealt with infidelity, simply called "The Kiss"; there are just two questions though: does Archie Bunker have anything to do with Omari's near fatal accident, especially since he harbored a great hatred for the young cub? If so, will he ultimately become a suspect?**


	3. Dame Marjorie Chardin, alas Maude

**Author's Note: Alas Chapter 3! Heh, heh, heh! Well, well, I guess things are just heating up. When we last left off in Chapter 2, Maude intrudes her way into the Findlay household and divulges some disturbing and baffling information to young Omari after he had just survived a deadly seizure brought on by being exposed to some unusual drugs. What will the Findlays do with this eccentric woman? (Chuckling!). Also, we get a little insight into Dame Marjorie Chardin, aka Maude's character and some more of her peers are introduced. Additionally, there will be more of an exploratory, insightful investigation into the complex and intricate relationship between the statuesque and worldly, liberal-minded Maude and the young, naive, guileless, benevolent, altruistic, diminutive Omari. Kind of sounds like the polarized, unique, unusual relationship between Harold and Maude already, huh? Well, just how much impact is Maude going to have on everyone's lives? We'll find out! The plot thickens...**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own any of the characters of the All In The Family/Maude universe originally formulated by the great Norman Lear save for my original characters, Omari and Tessa, his girlfriend/best friend, and also the two reporters from the Foster Report: Todd Foster and April Beaucroft. **

**A/N: Also, I put in a couple of inside jokes in this chapter to liven things up a bit, (i.e. when Yubaba momentarily breaks the fourth wall and when Sophia briefly mentions the actress that famously portrayed her; the latter was just an inside joke due to the fact that "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot" was a critical flop, nothing major and please don't sue me!). Also there are going to be some scenes that are going to be extreme; others that are not much of a big deal, but still... Things are bound to become tense and there may be some controversy involved; again, none of the scenes depicted in this chapter are that graphic so don't worry about it. Furthermore, I will introduce some more crossover characters to this story; I will put down a list of the names of the characters and what shows/movies they come from at the end of this chapter in case you're not familiar with some of the characters. And also in this chapter there will be some swearing, especially from characters that come from shows where swearing is one of the prominent themes of the show. And the conversation that Rose and Stephanie have in the middle of the chapter is a subtle reference to my other fanfiction; the relationship between an experiment and an old woman comment used in the conversation between Maude and Ms. Naugatuck is also a direct reference to my other fanfic too, which is a femslash. So, enjoy!**

"Omari Israel Ben-Von Remarr!!!!!!" Maude's deep, commanding, husky voice blasted right into Omari's ear, jolting him from his deep sleep. "What in God's name is that woman doing sleeping in your bed?!"

Omari then sat up and then glanced at his parents with a startled and surprised expression, and judging by the stern and disgruntled looks on their faces and by the way Maude crossed her arms tightly while her lips were pursued in an ire twist and her beady, tiny little slits of eyes glowered in a deadly, black luster, he knew he was in serious trouble. He just knew it. No joke, Maude DID have small eyes, and Omari had often noticed that peculiarity, but now that was irrelevant for the moment. "I'm sorry, Maude! I'm truly sorry! It's just that this lady needed a place to stay and…" Omari suddenly rambled and prattled in a rapid voice trying to explain the awkward and bizarre predicament he currently found himself in, but he knew very well that Maude was not about to accept this pathetic attempt of an excuse.

"You know very well that it is unwise and imprudent to let in complete strangers into the house. There are a lot of crooks and nutcases in the state of New York, so you can't trust just about anybody. You have be very extremely cautious and on high alert. Do you understand, Omari? Or do I have to throw you out of this house the next time this bullshit happens again?" Maude reprimanded and addressed her son gravely and sternly with a rising, admonishing inflection as she lectured him on the ever present dangers in the state of New York while threatening to put him out. "Maude! We have a guest in here!" Walter snapped at his wife reprovingly.

"Walter, I'm talking with the young boy; can't you at least give me a minute with him?" Maude whispered at him with an irascible and quick-tempered hiss while making a side glance at him. "Fine, but someone's going to have to fill in Omari on what happened last night while someone else keeps this old lady company," Walter relented and consented to Maude's request while referring to the other Maude. "All right, you go and acquaint yourself with the old woman and I'll go and talk with Omari privately on the bizarre chain of events that nearly took his own life," Maude decided pointedly and resolutely with a gruff and brusque tone as she stalked off while beckoning Omari to come with her to the bathroom while leaving Walter alone with the pixyish, benevolent, eccentric, free-spirited old woman. Walter grinned sheepishly and nervously as Maude simpered and leered at him enthusiastically with a big, bright smile.

"Okay, now let's introduce ourselves. My name is Walter Findlay and I'm Maude's fifth husband. I have an appliance business here in the state of Tuckahoe, New York. How about you?" Walter introduced himself to the elderly woman as he scratched the back of his head anxiously with his right hand and smiled politely. But he knew in the back of his mind that this might be exceptionally awkward, introducing himself to a person who shares the same name as his wife. "How do you do, Walter. My name is Dame Marjorie Chardin, alas Maude. But you can call me Marjorie if you feel you'll mix me up with your wife," Maude responded by introducing herself in return and then bowed to Walter as she shook his hand.

Walter scoffed indifferently and apathetically as he stared hard at the strange woman. "So what is this all about sleeping in my son's bed?" he interrogated her in a demanding manner. "I was warning your son about deadly, lethal, illegal drugs that are accumulated in this house, drugs of a new prototype. They are unlike any drugs anyone has ever tried before," Maude notified Walter calmly and coolly while disregarding the suspicious and mistrustful tone in his voice. "Do tell," Walter obliged for her to speak with a gesturing of his right hand as he sat down and squatted on the floor to listen to Maude's fantastic and unusual tale.

"About 20 to 30 years ago, there were a group of drug dealers who set up shop in this house and operated an underground factory trying to manufacture new and improved drugs to rival those of the mainstream culture. This was long before you even moved to this place. The drugs that Omari had come into contact with contain a very potent and toxic poison that is designed to give humans a very powerful and overwhelming high that alters their consciousness. They are whisked off into an LSD-like trip where they are transported into an out of body experience that is greatly magnified and allows them to have access to infinite planes of the universe within their imagination."

"Using their imagination as an original transportation point, they can travel to anywhere that is within the reaches of this earth and beyond: the heavens, the planets, stars, even the Milky Way. However, seeing as the drugs have the ability to teleport your soul into the depths of the unknown, you can even go into a number of alternate planes and various destinations of the universe and even a variety of new planets that have never been discovered! The drugs that are now in your house were the most successful products that the drug dealers ever created. They must have used some of the rarest of magic herbs and spices to create them, for it would be virtually impossible to create a set of drugs that would produce these extraordinary effects just by utilizing normal ingredients. No… I think there is a higher supernatural phenomenon at work here. "

"Omari and the rest of the animals you own in this house must not come near these drugs because unlike humans, animals that ingest or inhale an effective dose of the drug immediately suffer serious ill effects of the drug by suffering from a burning sensation in their bodies that are akin to a severe case of fever. Their body temperature then starts to escalate and increase at a rapid pace as organ systems kick into overdrive to keep their processes and cycles up and running while the acidity starts to eat away at the mucus and bacteria that keeps the internal organs functioning properly. The neurons start to transmit information at hyper speed as the electrolytes begin to become impaired and their balance gets thrown off, causing the transmission of messages between various numbers of cells, including neurons, to gradually cease. Eventually the uproar explodes into utter chaos and the body starts to shut down in a matter of moments, triggering a seizure that causes the victim to descend into a sudden coma."

"After that person falls into a coma, the multiple organ systems begin to shut down one by one, the lungs, the heart, the kidneys, liver and even the pancreas, and eventually the brain ceases to function as well. Multiple organ failure occurs as a result and the person soon dies as the poison ravages and festers in the bloodstream and triggers septic shock. The quickest way to get a potent high is with the spray cans that contain the poison, where it is at its most effective peak. The poisonous drug comes in vapors, liquids, and even capsules that are sealed in thin, square, film-like packets that are kept in cartons. Its ability to kill animals with its fatal potency makes it very useful as a pesticide. Unlike capsules these days, the spray cans could easily be tampered with and the dangerous toxic liquid can even spill over to your food and drink. Usually the animals that consume this drug die within a matter of minutes, but I'm still perplexed and mystified at how your son managed to survive the devastating effects of the poison. You should consider yourselves lucky; your son may possess a unique blood type that could have aided him to beating out the toxic properties of this hallucinogen. I hope this answers most of your questions and if you want to ask any additional questions please don't hesitate to approach me," Maude gave an elaborate and detailed explanation to Walter on the brief history of the drug that nearly killed Omari.

"I have just two questions to ask you: where are those drugs located and what are they called?" Walter made a quizzical inquiry of Maude. "Why the drugs are in your kitchen of course. I strongly advise you get rid of those drugs before anyone else in this household falls victim to them though. And by the way, the drugs are labeled allergen synopses titrate or AST," Maude chuckled good-naturedly and then she got up and sashayed right into the kitchen with a graceful and elegant stride, while Walter could only gawk at her with a befuddled and bemused stare. This Maude had a quiet, unassuming way about her and there was an optimistic and upbeat aura permeating from her visage; the Maude he knew, however, was demanding, opinionated, overbearing, and loud-mouthed and had a tendency to use snarky and wittily caustic comments to prove her point. But this woman… she was significantly different… she had a distinctive vibe to her personality.

This lady seemed to have a youthful spirit in such an old and tired body. _What a woman… _Walter thought to himself with a soft smile. She was no criminal; she was an angel. Unfortunately for Walter though, he was dead wrong about this particular Maude, for Maude was the type of person who refuses to adhere to the customs and rules of the mainstream society and prefers to follow her own rules, like a kind of a rogue, an outright rebel who liked to attend funerals, steal cars such as Porsches, (incidentally she had managed to reach the Findlay house by driving with a stolen onyx/silvery Mercedes Porsche), and rescue trees that were planted in public property. Maude's only desire was to enjoy her life to the fullest and live each and every day as if it were her last.

In the meantime, Maude and Omari were lying together on a green, furry, soft rug on the bathroom floor as they stared out into the ceiling and were talking about what had happened on the previous night. Maude gripped Omari's right hand with her left hand tightly and then turned her head to her left and peered at him with a tender and gentle simper as she gazed right at him. She then cocked her head back to the ceiling and mother and son continued to view up to the ceiling and stare out into space as Maude recollected the events of Omari's unexpected seizure and near death experience. "You see, Omari, Walter was the one who woke Edith and Archie from their makeshift sofa bed after he witnessed you swoon to the floor and Ms. Naugatuck was the one who also summoned everybody else to the kitchen when you collapsed. I was just stunned, just absolutely stunned; I could not fathom how you could possibly collapse like that."

"Everything became a blur for me when you swooned to the floor and lost consciousness after you seized right in front of me for no apparent reason. Carol then grabbed the phone from the living room and called 911 immediately; she then instructed me to check for breathing and a pulse and then to start CPR," Maude described and elucidated to Omari about what had occurred the night before and then curled up into a little ball while shielding her face with her hands in embarrassment. How could she bring herself to tell her own young son of the measures she took in an attempt to save him? It was terrifying and traumatic enough for her to even think and relive those upsetting and alarming moments in which it appeared that Omari would succumb to his sudden illness.

Omari was surprised that Carol was the one who had called 911. Carol made that 911 call? He thought to himself as his eyes widened with amazement and wonder. She and Omari had never been particularly close, especially since she had been initially resentful of him when he first came to live with the family, and Philip also harbored extreme hostility and antipathy towards Omari as well, going as so far as to become practically insanely jealous of him and attempting a handful of schemes of his own in order to rid himself of his young adopted uncle. Carol was fearful and terrified that Maude would transfer her love for her to her younger, adopted son who wasn't even her natural offspring to even begin with and was embittered by that as a result; it was overwhelming for her to recognize that for most of her entire life she had been Maude's only child, her most beloved daughter, and then when Omari walked into the Findlays' lives, she was compelled to make room for the abandoned newcomer.

Carol would have liked to refer to him as orphaned, since his parents were nowhere to be found and could not be contacted, but since they weren't actually dead, she could not call him that, even though he looked quite the type. Poor orphaned Omari. What a nickname for the little guy! Fortunately, having been a mature, older woman, (certainly older than Philip), Carol did not resort to unjustly retaliating against the young Omari and in time warmed up to him and even grew to liking being an older sister. Philip eventually took to Omari as well and even called him "buddy". It was no wonder that Philip became devastated and distraught when Omari fell seriously ill the previous night. _Why is Omari lying on the floor, Grandma? _Omari still recalled Philip saying that as he lay in his unconscious state. _I don't know, honey, I don't know. I don't think your uncle is even barely alive. _Maude had said to Philip.

"Walter raced right into the house and fetched the Harmons. By the time he, Arthur and Vivian returned to the house, it was already swarming with paramedics. The three of them burst right into the kitchen, and I was already administering CPR. Vivian screamed herself into hysterics when she saw the scene unfolding before her and I remember her calling out to you in a fit of sobs…" Maude went on with her somber and dramatic tale as she distracted her son from his thoughts and then a glimpse of a memory flashed in Omari's eyes as he recalled hearing Vivian's voice and his heart leaping with joy when he heard her. _Omari please come back… _she had sobbed. Poor Vivian, that sweet, doe-faced, sympathetic, ditzy blockhead (although Omari did not personally think so, for that was the general description of her given by friends); she herself did not even deserve to bear witness to such atrocity.

"And I had been doing chest compressions for a total of 5 minutes when the paramedics showed up. I then performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation while one of the paramedics, the head paramedic actually, started to pump on your chest. Nothing was working and you were barely breathing. I went back and forth with Walter and that was when I ordered him to give me the defibrillators so I can attempt to restart your heart. Ms. Naugatuck had fainted briefly and Philip had thrown himself into a fit of sobs as well; Vivian also threw a temper tantrum on the floor and couldn't bear to see any more of the drama. I couldn't afford to lose you; I was not willing to let you go without a fight and I was going to do whatever it took to bring you back to life, even if it meant sacrificing my life to save you."

"Edith and Archie just stared out into space; they barely saw anything happen before their eyes and they stood there motionless, silent, and speechless with ashen, gaunt, blank faces. It was as if they had attempted to mentally block out the events that played before them. And as for me doing rescue breathing on you, it felt oddly weird and eerie because I have NEVER kissed you in the lips, ever. That's how it felt when I performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on you. Omari, don't get me wrong; I love you dearly with all my heart and I would give my life for you if given the chance. You mean the world to me and you're the one man I love besides Walter. If I was not married to Walter, I would probably marry you if you were of age. But you know I would never take advantage of you because you're my son and I have a responsibility towards you as your legal mother and guardian."

"That's why I was screaming out all those things I said to you when I was trying to revive you. If you were to die, my entire world would have turned upside down. You're my one reason for living; you make my life so much brighter and you make the endless tribulations in my life much easier to bear. I enjoy your company tremendously and I adore you as my son and I love you with all my heart. And when you finally came to, I was just so overjoyed. I had been crying a shower of tears and I screamed and yelled at the top of my voice to try to get you to wake up…" Maude continued her story as her voice began to trail off from time to time and tears began to pool in her dark marble eyes and seeped in a continuous stream. She then cuddled Omari close to her and then laid him on her body and kissed him in the face.

Omari then glanced at his stricken adoptive mother as tears continue to drip and fall from her face in drops and then with his right paw he tenderly wiped the tears off her face and then smiled reassuringly. A smile spread on Maude's face and a twinkle sparkled and dazzled in Omari's translucent ultraviolet/sapphire blue eyes as a result as he gazed into her fierce yet soft, tender ebony/grey eyes. Maude then grinned with a chuckle and then she rose to her feet while cradling the young Omari in her arms. "Come on, Omari; let's head down to breakfast in the kitchen. We'll talk more about it later if you want," she suggested to him as she ushered him out of the bathroom. Walter then peered at the two quizzically as he saw Maude and Omari emerge from the bathroom and then they descended down the stairs quietly and then ambled right into the kitchen, where Ms. Naugatuck greeted them.

"Good morning, ma'am!" Ms. Naugatuck acknowledged them with a friendly and amiable greeting with the Cockney accent permeating from her voice and then she turned to Omari and proudly beamed. "Oh and here's the little angel who survived the effects of that damn poisoning. That Dame Chardin sure had some intriguing information to supply to me this morning when she came down for breakfast," she addressed Omari gaily and then went on her way with her duties as Maude and Omari took their usual places at the table. Maude then prepared herself some coffee while Omari made himself some hot chocolate, a favorite delicacy of his. "Ah, what scandals might befall us! It appears that there are some drugs called ASTs, or allergen synopses titrate, that are found here in this kitchen," Ms. Naugatuck exclaimed with a gasp as she rambled on about the information passed down to her by Maude.

"By the way, where is that Dame Chardin Ms. Naugatuck?" Maude importuned the British housekeeper quizzically. "Well, it is not for me to know; she just said she was going to pick up someone and that she'll be back," Ms. Naugatuck replied with a casual shrug of her shoulders as she poured in some hot, steamy water with a silver antique tea pot to make some herbal chamomile tea. Maude did not understand why for the life of her Ms. Naugatuck would bother to use that silver antique tea pot, considering she bought it from an antique shop, but she decided not to hector her about it. Besides, they had nearly lost Omari the night before, and it is best to put aside some extra drama until they have come to terms with Omari's brush with death.

Omari then shook his shaggy and mangy fur excessively like a dog to get some airborne dust bunnies off him and then licked slops of the hot chocolate daintily to get used to the hot mixture. "Did Maude ever mention having a boyfriend of some sort?" Maude persisted with her casual and collected questioning. "Well, dear me, she did mention a Harold. She said that she misses him dearly and would like to bring him to New York to see the sights. They were such good friends; her face would light up whenever she mentions him," Ms. Naugatuck sighed as she prattled and blathered on about the conversation about Maude. "Interesting… How old is he anyway, Ms. Naugatuck?" Maude inquired her housekeeper curiously as she continued to sip on her coffee. "Ah well, he must be about in his early 20's; Maude's just about 80-years-old," Ms. Naugatuck replied casually as she put in some green leaves into her herbal chamomile tea cup and then walking over to sit down at her place in the table, not noticing the aghast and mortified expression on her employer's visage.

"80-years-old… Ms. Naugatuck, Maude is more than twice that man's age; they are just about 60 years apart! Don't you think people would think it is strange for them to have some sort of intimate relationship?" Maude cried in a disheartened and disquieted voice as her eyes widened and lit up in consternation and alarm. "Why the hell do I have anything to do with it? You stinking turkeys always have some sort of opinion about these types of things! I always see people pointing fingers when there is a black guy going out with a white woman… or an experiment goes out with an old woman – I don't know! It just so bothers me that people can be so judgmental!" Ms. Naugatuck snapped at Maude irritably as she continued to consume sips of her herbal chamomile tea with an ire tone in her voice. "People tend to judge and point fingers at each other because those relationships don't fit the norm of the typical relationships in this society! Some of these unusual relationships are clearly wrong, like uh… a teacher going out with a student!" Maude counterattacked with an argument of her own as she battles it out on this touchy subject with Ms. Naugatuck.

By now Omari had stopped drinking his hot chocolate and watched his adoptive mother and nanny contending their arguments and point of views right on the kitchen table. "Of course it's wrong! That's called statutory rape! You can go to prison for that! And incest is wrong too, especially a relationship between a mother and a son, a father and a daughter, a nephew and an aunt, an uncle and a niece, and even siblings and cousins!" Maude snarled back while yelling and screaming at Ms. Naugatuck as she discussed some tidbits about statutory rape and incest. "Please, Mormons commit polygamy all the time; they supposedly banned that practice but there are some Mormons who still believe in it! And I think some of them might practice incest too!" Ms. Naugatuck scoffed disdainfully while gesturing in a disregarding manner with her left hand. "Ms. Naugatuck… I cannot believe you're saying such lies on this table! Do you have any substantial proof that Mormons commit incest in their families?" Maude challenged her aggressively.

"Well, it's bound to happen, ma'am. They have very peculiar laws and customs about them, that's true. Scout's honor!" Ms. Naugatuck calmly defended her argument while raising her right hand as a sign of taking an oath. "Are you suggesting anything, Ms. Naugatuck?" Maude questioned her suspiciously with a leery glare. "No, ma'am! I'm not suggesting anything at t'all! You… You think I must be joking to suggest there's anything… (Chuckling) going on… (Chuckling) _between you and_ _Omari?_" Ms. Naugatuck chortled and chuckled nervously as she flashed a sheepish and goofy grin; she then whispered her last sentence with a flush of crimson red glowing in her face as her abashed, gawking stare gazed out at the stunned and stupefied expressions on her charge and her employer. Maude just brought the coffee cup to her lips and drank it absentmindedly while Omari just stared out into space in her direction with a horrified, appalled, glistening expression in his eyes. "What did you just say, Ms. Naugatuck?" Maude gagged, nearly choking on her own coffee. "Um… Never mind," Ms. Naugatuck's voice trailed off rather abruptly as she averted her gaze from the two Findlays and then suddenly got up from her seat, pushed her chair to the table with her right hand while holding the tea cup with her left hand, and then sauntered away from the kitchen with a stupefied and astonished look on her countenance as her feet shuffled with a muffled, paddling, chafing sound. Maude then sighed and shook her head as she continued to gulp down her cup of coffee and glowered sternly at Omari with her pursed lips conveying a disdainful, half sneer. Omari nearly blushed in shame and discomfiture and he made a half-hearted attempt to cover his face by wrapping half of it with his tail.

"Omari, listen. You understand that there is nothing between us, right?" Maude addressed her young son crisply yet softly. Omari nodded while sipping his hot chocolate and eyeing his mother as she spoke with her hushed, gravelly voice. "(Sigh) I just don't know where Ms. Naugatuck is getting the idea that there might be something going between us. I mean, Walter was looking at us strangely when we were exiting the bathroom to go down downstairs to eat breakfast. I will acknowledge the fact that we have a very strong, intense, and close relationship unlike anything shared by two different species, but I am revolted and disgusted by these persisting rumors about us. I don't know what I would do if it does appear that I may have feelings for you; I wouldn't want it to destroy my marriage with Walter," Maude sighed in resignation as she candidly and honestly discussed and explicated the subject of their close mother/son bond between them. "I wouldn't want to be ashamed of myself if I had feelings for you, Maude. You're the first woman I ever came to love," Omari replied to Maude meekly and casually, in a nearly emotionless and impassive manner without even blinking once.

"That's true, but you're my son, and you're only four-months-old. You don't know any better and you've never been in an adult relationship with anyone; you're just too young for these kinds of things right now. I'm very controversial, liberal, and of course, I can occasionally make choices that are deemed inappropriate by some people, but I would never do anything that is extremely degrading to children, especially you. However, if you got anything to say to me right now, now's the time to say it. Once you say it and confess whatever it is that you're feeling about me, we can just pretend it never happened," Maude elucidated and illustrated her point to Omari patiently and good-naturedly and then Omari's eyes flared and burned with a furious passion and Maude knew something had emerged in his mind. Like his mother, Omari has great difficulty concealing his emotions on his own visage and even the dumbest of people could infer what he's feeling.

Omari inherited a number of idiosyncrasies and odd little quirks from his mother; in fact, his maternal blood runs right through his veins. Maude knew very well that once Omari communicates through his emotive facial expressions that his mind is made up on something, she could either talk him out of it or she could stay put until he expresses the feelings that was constantly raging in his heart and soul; dark and contemplative thoughts that often plague him, like an issue that would trouble him. She then nodded and gestured for Omari to say his piece and then crossed her arms with an austere and harsh expression before leaning back and gazing at Omari to hear what he had to say.

"Maude, ever since we first met, I've depended on you like a mother. You were the one who fostered and raised me in your own house and treated me as if I was your real son, and I appreciate that. You were my main ally when everyone else rejected me and you stood by me no matter what everyone else said about me. Now I have Carol, Philip, Vivian, Arthur, Edith, Walter, Joey, Mike and Gloria on my side and I also have Tessa as my best friend. You protected me and guarded me with your life, for I was the one person that mattered to you. I saw through your ugly side, when you would berate and holler and harangue everyone in the household and you would frequently reprimand Walter with 'God will get you for this and that!' I needed a mother when my own birth mother could not take care of me and you were there for me, always."

"Sure you could be a hypocrite and you have a personality that is just as complicated and convoluted as a paradox but I don't love you less for that. In fact, I love you for your good and bad qualities. For every asinine and balderdash act and remark you make I become more enamored with you, and I know I must be absolutely crazy to actually be admitting this… but I love you, Maude. I know I'm a complete jackass for saying that, but it's true. I think it's time I revealed my feelings to you; I don't want to cause any strife between you and Walter; that's the last thing I want. I just don't want to be selfish, that's all. Please don't turn me away because I'm a freak," Omari enlightens Maude on what he felt about her as he confesses to her on how she plays a significant and prominent role in his life and he starts to shed tears as he spoke his last sentence ruefully with a stricken frown.

"Oh, Omari…" Maude crooned pitifully as she enfolded Omari in her arms and then bounces him lightly while clicking her tongue soothingly. She then cradles him in a rocking motion and then Omari perked his head up and peered at her, and at that moment he could almost swear that his heart skipped a beat. Then, without even thinking, he then motioned toward her and then licked her in the lips with his eyes closed, not even thinking of what he was doing. Maude shuddered and drew back in revulsion and repugnance. Omari was equally disgusted and loathed himself for not even being bold enough with her.

Unfortunately, it was Dame Marjorie Chardin herself that walked in on the scandalous kiss and smirked satisfactorily upon seeing Omari kiss his own mother. Harold just stopped where he stood and gawked in astonishment and shock. He thought he was going to instantly puke when he saw the two lock lips, (well, sort of), before his own eyes. Vivian also came romping in through the other side and just froze instantaneously with horror and consternation, her eyes opened wide in absolute surprise and disbelief. Her muscles went numb and rigid and her mind immediately blanked out as she stared herself into space. Within a matter of minutes Vivian's entire vision went black as she swooned herself into a dizzying faint onto the marble, tile floor and just lay there sprawled on the ground listlessly.

"Oh my God! What is going on here?" Blanche Devereaux gasped as she; Rose, Sophia, Dorothy, Yubaba, Zeniba, Kyle, Cartman, Chef, Butters, Yzma, Kronk, and Stephanie Forrester stormed right into the kitchen in a single line file and then gaped at the scene with horrified, stricken, scandalized faces. Aunt Line even shuffled her way through the crowd while shouting in a vociferous, stentorian voice conveying a thick French accent, "What the damn hell are you staring at?" before she stooped over in astonishment and bewilderment and just stared blankly with a stricken expression permeating in her eyes; her eyes loomed wide as if she had just witnessed the most horrific spectacle in her life. "Oh my God what in tarnation is this?!" Dorothy nearly shrieked as her hands flew up in her mouth and she just gawked and stared, petrified. "I'm sorry!" Maude immediately apologized as Omari almost kissed her hard in the mouth and she forcibly pried him away from her and tapped him on his flanks with her fingers, sending him on his merry way. Maude grinned compassionately at the other Maude while Harold just cast a side glance at her with a befuddled and bemused expression. "What the hell are you smiling about, you big dope?" Maude snapped at Dame Maude rather angrily.

"Okay, okay, okay! Enough of using the word hell already! This is really getting uncalled for!" Sophia bellowed at the top of her lungs as she gestured for a time out while hitting the tips of her left fingers and the palm of her right hand together. "Dorothy Zbornak! What the h…" Maude started but them Sophia made a cutting gesture across her mouth while squeezing her index finger, middle finger and thumb together as a way of saying, "Zip it!" and then Maude took back her statement. "Excuse me, but what in God's name are you doing here back in New York, Dorothy and Sophia?" she then started on with her questioning again. "Why don't you explain to me why that ditz of yours is lying on the floor knocked out cold turkey?" Sophia shot back sassily and mordant with her usual caustic and acerbic tone. " Please excuse my mother Maude; she is in a very bad mood today because we've been on a 6 hour plane ride without any sleep and we just want to stop by before renting a hotel here in this city," Dorothy expressed her apologies to Maude while bowing to her politely.

Maude then somehow switched her focus to the elderly, garishly dressed Yubaba, who had insane puffy, inflated, humongous hair the size of the world's gigantic beehive and clad in a black dress while holding a cigarette that lingered in her left hand. She had an angular, compact sized head that is considerably large for her height and her enlarged nose was about the size of a bird's beak with her starkly haggard, fierce, mean-looking, bold eyes that made her look amazingly hideous; in other words she looked as ugly as a vulture. Yubaba then scowled at her disagreeably while emitting a low growl from her throat as the cigarette wafted in the air. "What the fuck are you staring at?" she hissed in a demeaning tone and then gave the unmentionable gesture of raising her middle finger to the narrator that looked muzzy on-camera, effectively breaking the fourth wall.

"Don't you dare insult the narrator!" Omari snarled fiercely at Yubaba, at which she spun around and aimed her wand threateningly at the young lion cub. "Do you want me to fry you to shreds, you little stinking damn brat?!" Yubaba hissed demandingly as she glared ominously and portentously at the four-month-old lad. "Ah, come off it, Yubaba!" Zeniba stepped between the warring pair and then turned to Omari with a smile and gently stroked his head. "Hello there, little one. My name is Zeniba and I'll be the host of the 12th Annual Broadway Street Theatre Talent Show," she whispered gently and tenderly to him, making Yubaba grimace and snort in disgust. "The 12th Annual Broadway Street Theatre Talent Show?" Maude presumed quizzically as she stood up on her own two feet, revealing to everyone her erect, graceful, statuesque and looming stature.

"That's right, and my co-hosts are Kyle Broflovski and Butters Stotch, who have graciously accepted my offer to come down from South Park, Colorado to come to upstate New York to help me run this year's show. Unfortunately Chihiro and Haku couldn't make it this year, so we left them behind. Eric Cartman is going to be the one who will be on the panel of 21 judges that will monitor and rate the performances of the participants of the talent show. So will Aunt Line, Stephanie Forrester, Chef, Dorothy, Sophia, Rose, Blanche, Yzma and Kronk. Dorothy will be the forewoman of the panel and my twin sister Yubaba will not only be the manager of the show, but she will also be one of the members of the judging panel. If you ask me, I think she's kind of the bitch of the group and for some odd reason Cartman likes to hit on her," Zeniba nodded as she explained to Maude who was going to help her host the show and also introduced some of the members from the judging panel.

At this Maude nearly threw up in repugnance and nausea overtook her as her face paled out into a light green hue and she held her mouth in her hands to prevent herself from regurgitating the coffee she had recently consumed. Was this Eric Cartman perverted?! God her stomach burned at the sickening and revolting thought of it… Well, they do make a damn good couple anyway… Cartman was egotistical, manipulative, selfish, avaricious, and not to mention immoral; Yubaba herself was foul-tempered, vulgar, greedy beyond comprehension and was purely despicable. You know, that might not be such a far-fetched idea… Maude thought to herself with a smug, self-satisfied smirk.

"Hey! Are we going to stand around here or what?" Claire Timkin, the owner of Prince & Co. in Philadelphia, groused and griped as she barged her way in and then slammed down a clipboard onto the kitchen table containing a list for the people that wish to audition for the show. "Who the heck are you?" Maude addressed the old woman nastily, gaping at the fact that the woman seemed to look so similar to Sophia herself. "Hey, I'm Claire Timkin, the owner of Prince & Co. back in Philadelphia. I signed up to be one of the 21 judges on the judging panel for this talent show. Sorry if I sound so snappish to you. Ugh! Some of these assholes in here are driving me insane! Do you ever get that feeling?" Claire Timkin growled at Maude irritably as she accosted her with an exasperated and irascible tone while sighing in a petulant manner. "Yes, I get that feeling a lot," Maude nodded while sympathizing with her.

"Maude if you're ever interested in signing up for the talent show, just write your name on this list and we'll put you in the registry for the show," Dorothy instructed her patiently and in a monotonous voice as she handed a pen to her just in case. "Thank you, Dorothy, but singing is not my forte," Maude expressed her thanks politely and with great courtesy. "Singing's not my forte either honey but I sometimes do it anyway," Dorothy agreed with a shrug of her shoulders as she patted her hand compassionately. "Do you want to tell me again of the singing cows from St. Gustav once more, Rose?" Aunt Line inquired Rose curiously, getting pretty bored with the conversation and feeling quite left out. "Well sure, if you want," Rose replied with a smile. "All right, but I would like to get acquainted with this place first," Aunt Line responded in agreement while she glanced around with a keen eye.

"Hey, who keeps all this crap in here?" Cartman hollered with an obnoxious voice as he scavenged and rifled through the refrigerator looking for something to eat, with Kyle flinching in disgust and disapproval. "Cartman! We're not at your house, dumbass! We're guests in the Findlay home!" he scolded Cartman while rebuking him sharply. "Ah who gives a crap; let's see what kind of loot this old perverted, incestuous broad keeps in this kitchen," Cartman scoffed in disregard as he continued to search through the refrigerator, riling and infuriating Kyle in the process. "Cartman! Show some respect! You don't know that about Ms. Findlay!" Kyle screamed and shrieked at Cartman indignantly as his face flared and burned a deep, beet, crimson red and he flailed his arms in an apparent fit of frustration. "All I know is that she's a stupid whore who likes making out with her four-month-old son!" Cartman hollered and squawked in a raspy, high pitched voice as he barked and yelled at Kyle arrogantly.

A sudden, tremulous shudder ran down Kyle's back and then he clenched his fist in an indignant rage as his eyes twinkled and sparkled with a furious wrath and was prepared to plummet Cartman to the ground. He hated Cartman so badly; Cartman was the most obnoxious, vulgar, supercilious bastard he had ever met, and his blatant hatred for him was just as strong as Archie's apparent dislike for Michael when it came to their antagonistic and adversarial relationship. As a matter of fact, the two warring duos could actually befriend each other if given the chance; Archie and Cartman might just hit it off immediately. Despite of Michael and Kyle's ethnical differences, (Michael being Polish and Kyle being predominantly Jewish), they might have as well a bigger chance of hitting it off immediately too. Aunt Line then sidled over to Maude shyly and then pulled her aside for a brief discussion, away from everyone else, who were mainly preoccupied with conversing and blathering and prattling with themselves in their own world.

"So you don't use your own powers unless necessary?" Stephanie gossiped to Rose intriguingly. "Nope; we never use our powers unnecessarily. We just hide them 90 to 99% of the time; we only utilize them when necessary," Rose explicated to Stephanie to clarify up matters. Stephanie nodded understanding while eyeing her peers cautiously. Zeniba was all right, but… Yubaba was what you call a nutcase. Claire was an independent, tough, headstrong woman… and Cartman is just an asshole! _Ugh!_ Stephanie thought to herself as she closed her eyes disgustedly at the thought of Cartman. _What a spoiled brat; spoiled rotten by his own mother!_ _He was so_ _obnoxious and completely insufferable; no wonder that Kyle boy hates him to death! _But Stephanie was somewhat overprotective of her own children, particularly Felicia, because of her abusive childhood years ago. Her mother did absolutely nothing to stop her father from beating and welting her physically, and she resented that greatly as a result. Speaking of which, who took care of twins Yubaba and Zeniba? Did witches in the spirit world even have parents? Where were they by the way? _They must be dead I suppose,_ Stephanie thought to herself as she studied the interactions between the crossover characters wordlessly.

Zeniba looked very identical to Yubaba, with the exception that she exuded compassion and sophistication, and was more caring and loving towards people as a result, in comparison to her twin sister Yubaba, who owned the town bathhouse back in the spirit world. "Don't worry about what people think, dear. I should know; I loved my brother dearly as well," Aunt Line whispered to Maude sympathetically and compassionately out of earshot of the rest of the population. "You had an incestuous relationship?!" Maude nearly exclaimed loudly in shock. "Of course, and it was until that damn father of mine killed him when he joined the Resistance during the Second World War. I was just so devastated; I loved him with all my heart and being, and I was stricken and possessed with rage… I killed my own father. However, I got acquitted, for they never found any substantiated evidence of the grisly misdeed. I do not fault you for your feelings for your adopted son."

"As far as I'm concerned, it's nobody's business but yours. I respect your decision to not continue with the romance out of sake for your marriage to Mr. Findlay; I'll grant that," Aunt Line agreed with a slight nod and then described her shady past in gruesome detail on how she loved her brother passionately and ardently, only for him to be slain cruelly and callously by her own father, like a dog. Her face darkened and her wrinkles creased at the thought as her eyes dimmed and lost its lively and vivacious luster. Maude's heart leapt in her throat as she gazed at her supportively with keen understanding; _that poor woman, _was her train of thought. "I just don't know, ma'am…" Maude started with a short pause but then Aunt Line cut in with a "Please, call me Aunt Line if you want."

"Aunt Line," Maude started again with apparent hesitation and uncertainty. "I just don't know if I should pursue a romantic relationship with Omari. It's not right… you just saw my best friend swoon to the floor when Omari kissed me by surprise. I really believe Omari has fallen hard for me somehow; I don't know how it happened. He has a girlfriend named Tessa, but they're not that serious on an adult level as they are just mere cubs, although they love each other I must admit. But I'm married to my fourth husband and Omari is the one child Walter and I adopted together when his parents swiftly abandoned him at a tenderly young age. He was just barely two weeks old when I brought him home. I don't want him to be torn between Tessa and me and I don't want him and Walter competing for me either. You obviously know more about this subject better than I do; what's your take on this?" "Just follow your own heart, Maude. Let your conscience guide you; you decide what's right for you, Walter and Omari. Trust your instincts; you'll know what's the best course when you search deep into your heart," was all the advice Aunt Line could say to her. "Thank you Aunt Line. If that is the best you can do, keep up the good work," Maude retorted to her in an eerily snarky yet soft, understanding voice, which was a strange combination of tones. Aunt Line just shrugged and flashed a toothy grin before she went over to Cartman to scold him for his rude, impulsive behavior.

Maude then sighed and flourished a cigarette from her handbag and lit it with her lighter; she then inhaled a lengthy drag as she sucked in the smoky, hazy, ashen smoke into her lungs and exhaled out the billowing, thick, streaming smoke from her mouth and nostrils as she tipped her head back and slumped awkwardly on her right side, earning a snicker from Sophia. Dorothy was a more experienced, confident smoker compared to Maude, although Sophia detested the habit herself that her daughter would rarely flaunt out in public. Maude did not understand why she had begun to smoke lately as it was, but ever since Archie stepped into her abode, she felt compelled to smoke at the slightest sign of stress. And now this whole awkward and embarrassing situation with Omari was compelling her to smoke even more than she usually did – if at all.

Omari was now deeply, truly, and madly in love with her, and Maude was wavering and vacillating between spurring his amorous advances, which was a risk she was not willing to make at that moment, and returning his affections, which would be considered scandalous and most certainly spread word around the affluent and upper, middle class neighborhood; people would just talk! Maude did not want to destroy the special bond she shared with Omari, especially since they had instantly bonded at his birth and she had been fostering him from that point. She had to do something to avoid alienating and estranging the only son she ever loved. Maude then groaned reluctantly and with great resignation as she thought out the one choice she did have: she may have to return his advances to him and pursue the romance with him at the cost of her own marriage to Walter… but what if she were to emotionally destroy Omari in the process?

_Not only would this potentially dangerous and illicit liaison would completely annihilate and destroy my marriage to Walter, ruin my life and reputation, and possibly make me lose friends and credibility in the neighborhood, but I could also go to jail for this too! I don't want to go to jail at this stage in life! I would be mortally ruined! My life would be over and Omari would be permanently traumatized! That is not the kind of future I want for Omari! _Thoughts swirled in her mind as her heart rang wildly in her chest, with her eyes glistening and gleaming with her usual black ebony spark. She then closed her eyes and thought to herself quietly, _if I had to break Omari's heart, it's because I want to spare him the emotional trauma, pain, anguish and suffering he would experience if I were to go through the romance with him. I love him too much for him to see him suffer so drastically. _Maude then opened her eyes and then looked onward at the gang. She then whistled shrilly and everyone turned their heads to see her. "All right; if anyone wants to stay here in my house, I'll provide some more rooms if I can. The rest of you can check into a hotel," she announced resolutely.

"Fine! As long as I don't get to room with that annoying bitch of a sister!" Yubaba snarled as she aggressively pointed fingers at Zeniba, making her incensed with fury. "Me?! You're the fucking bitch who turns people into pigs and keeps magician apprentices captive!" Zeniba shot back at her twin sister accusingly. "Go – to – hell," Yubaba barked back at Zeniba forcibly while spelling out her conspicuous discontent with her. Stephanie rolled her eyes in sheer disgust and disdain. Rose grumbled with a frown and Sophia waves her right hand dismissively as to instruct the girls not to pay any mind to the ever quarrelsome twins' latest disputation. The two witch sisters are constantly at each other's throats and have rarely, if ever, gotten along. Because of their strikingly contrasting personality traits and the fact that each twin had minds of their own, they were as every different as yin and yang.

"Okay, we'll take a vote from here. Raise your hand if you want to stay in my house," Maude promulgated decidedly to the group and then Kyle, Cartman, Zeniba, Butters, Aunt Line, Claire Timkin, Sophia, Rose, Blanche, Yzma and Kronk all raised their hands. Maude was fascinated by the number of votes and then she added huskily, "Now raise your hand if you're planning to check into the hotel." Most of the members of the judging panel and everyone else raised their hands, all except Harold and Maude. Yubaba would do anything to get rid of her sister for a couple of days. "Hey! Why the hell is that bitch leaving?" Cartman objected in protest. "Because I am not going to spend the next three to four days living in this house with my stupid sister!" Yubaba snarled at Cartman nastily. "You talking to me, bitch?" Cartman swerved around challengingly.

"You fucking asshole; you've been hitting on me ever since we came to pick up you rednecks from Colorado. As far as I'm concerned, you're the most disgusting subspecies of people on this planet," Yubaba scoffed with a contemptuous growl in her voice and then stormed off away from Cartman angrily, not even looking at him. "Dude, that's statutory rape you're asking for!" Kyle scolded Cartman disapprovingly. "Sorry I'm late everyone! Traffic was hell," Alexandra Cabot strolled right into the kitchen table and then sat down with a sigh of relief as she set down a huge stack of papers and rested her head on them. Dorothy then sauntered over to the assistant district attorney from Special Victims Unit and then took her seat beside the young woman. "Umm, Ms. Cabot, may I suggest that you take my place as forewoman of the judging panel? I do not feel comfortable leaving my ma alone in a stranger's house; I really need to keep an eye on her. I'll get back to you in a couple of days and help everyone make the final preparations," Dorothy proposed a recommendation to Alexandra Cabot. Alexandra then picked her head up briefly and glowered at the elderly Italian-American substitute teacher with an exasperated look in her face.

"Sure, why not? I'll take care of everything from here, Ms. Zbornak. I'm just pissed because I had to convince my superiors to let me go to this house for the 12th annual talent show. I'll make damn sure everything runs smoothly," Alexandra Cabot snapped at her crankily and then immediately puts her head down in her arms, prompting Dorothy to pet her head sympathetically and understandingly. "You go get some rest. Ms. Forrester should be able to help you from here," she smiled and then went to her mother to instruct her some rules to follow during their stay at the Findlays' house. "Ms. Timkin, make sure that everyone is on their best behavior and that no shenanigans occur in this house," Alexandra Cabot instructed Claire Timkin pointedly as she grumbled in her sleep. "Sure thing, Ms. Cabot; I'll intercept any messages that I may get from Capt. Cragen," Claire Timkin complied readily. "Well, Zeniba. Good luck," Yubaba rasped at her twin crisply and curtly, not even wanting to see her face.

"Same to you here, Yubaba; I will only wish you the best of luck and that may God grant you full speed," Zeniba replied to her in return with only a kindly and munificent tone in her voice. Cartman was bitterly disappointed; he was starting to really like Yubaba. She was so similar in personality to him and yet she would only bluntly reject him because she was turned off by his debauchery and flagrant depravity and turpitude, which only made him like her even more. But as for Maude, she must figure out how to solve the predicament she was currently in with Omari in order to avoid estranging relations between them. She was terrified of losing him, but how was she going to confront him about his feelings for her? She loved him too much to alienate him and she wanted to save their mother/son relationship from total destruction. "I love you, Omari," was all she could whisper before breaking down in tears.

Vivian then finally awoke from her faint and then was startled to see Kyle and Cartman stooping over her. "Hey there, you little bitch! Get off the damn floor you tempestuous whore!" Cartman harked at her in an intimidating voice as he began to kick her repeatedly on her right side and Vivian could only cry and scream for mercy. "Arthur, help me! A little fat boy is attacking me!!!!!" Vivian shrieked in a terrified, disquieted voice. "Who the hell do you think you are, you little bastard?" Yubaba sprung on Cartman angrily as she – and Rose – swarmed in to Vivian's rescue. "Leave her alone, you big bully!" Rose then hauled Cartman away from the young woman while Yubaba quickly held up Cartman in the air by grabbing his collar and then socked him in the face with such brutal force that the ten-year-old was sent reeling onto the ground and crumpled onto the hard, tile floor. Vivian could only weep and trembled fearfully as she curled up into a fetal position and sobbed. Maude then forgot about her own issues for a moment as she stalked over to her shaken friend and then bent over to comfort her.

"Maude," Vivian sobbed disconsolately as Maude wrapped her arms around her friend tenderly and then shushed her quietly to soothe her as if she were a frightened child herself. "That kid tried to attack me. He tried to kill me, Maude." "Don't worry, Vivian; I won't let any of those boys hurt you ever again because I'll strangle them if they touch a little pint of hair on your head!" Maude then whispered and murmured to her gently while she momentarily raised her voice by proclaiming a threat on Kyle and Cartman's lives as she screamed at the top of her lungs, startling and terrifying Kyle himself. Cartman, however, was not afraid and he merely laughed scornfully. "Who are you trying to fool, old hag? You're nothing but a bunch of saggy nuts!" Cartman jeered and taunted her sardonically as he laughed with snide contempt. Maude stood up immediately and gaped at him, significantly appalled and mortified. She then reclaimed her composure and then grabbed Cartman by the left ear as she dragged him out of the kitchen and then took him out to the staircase to discipline him physically while Cartman yelled and griped in pain.

"You want to see pain, well, I'll give you hell, you little brat! You do not dare disrespect your elders by calling them revolting names do you hear me, young man?! You have greatly insulted my womanhood and tried to defile and disparage my dignity by affronting me with a raunchy insult! Your mistake will not go unpunished! God will get you for that, Eric Cartman!" Maude shouted and scolded him harshly as she struck and hit him again and again in the buttocks on the foot of the stairs in a fit of rage and Kyle's blood ran cold upon hearing the infamous remark as he and Butters viewed the scene. "Whoa! That woman is tough!" Kyle gasped in amazement and admiration.

"Yeah, I wouldn't want to mess with that woman," Butters stuttered nervously as he continued to watch Cartman's physical torture, (well, it wasn't really torture due to the fact he's just merely getting spanked, but it is torture in his eyes). Finally Cartman bolted into the room crying red in the face and then Maude came over into the kitchen and looked at Vivian. Vivian then viewed and sighted him with a cross visage while tapping her left foot in an upset manner. "Why you little devil! You had the audacity to insult my friend right in front of company and assault me like a brutish, beastly animal! You march yourself right into Philip's room and do not come out until I tell you to!" Vivian reproached and reprimanded the young boy while chastising him with an unprecedented fury before banishing him to Philip's room.

"Who do you think you are, bitch? Huh? Who do you think you are? You are not my mom!" Cartman challenged her insolently. "Well, fie, fie, fie, you little devil lie! You do not talk back to me or I'll haul your high horse right into Ms. Findlay's grandson's room and I'll lock you in there so you'll stay put!" Vivian chided and reproved him angrily and with an irate, quick-tempered, snappish voice. Maude was taken aback by this whole scenario: here was this timid, ditzy, bubblehead woman who was married to her husband's best friend, an accomplished doctor himself, who would normally resort to cower in fear, but now she was standing up to the same boy who had viciously assaulted and belabored her. Vivian did have her moments where she would shed her cowardly disposition and astound and shock everyone by acting bold and audacious, but this was a pretty exceptional moment. Now she was taking charge of her authority over the children in the household and was pulling a Sarah Connor. Cartman was blown away by Vivian's impassionate and hot-tempered, wrathful speech, but he was still undeterred.

"Who are you trying to kid?" he scoffed scornfully and disdainfully as he chortled and guffawed at the woman's pathetic attempt to take control of the situation. Vivian finally had enough; she was at her wit's end on her patience as she felt her temper rise and flare in a nasty manner and her serenity flushing down the toilet. She had enough of Cartman's flagrant attitude and his overbearing arrogance. Vivian then snatched Cartman's right arm and then pulled him up in the air as she irately stormed out of the kitchen as the young lad screamed, wailed and pleaded for mercy. He kicked and screamed in a high pitched, shrill voice as he thrashed and struggled in a childish outburst and threw a massive tantrum that could be resounded all over the house. Arthur, Edith, Archie, Walter, Gloria and Michael just huddled around in curiosity as they watched Vivian ascend up the stairs with a determined and resolute gait and then continued to haul Cartman up to Philip's room as he continued his efforts to resist her. Finally Vivian held him in her arms as Cartman kicked and flailed against her in protest and his voice was just about gone; tears were streaming out of his eyes and he was screaming in a hysterical panic.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! Oh, God, Jesus, NO! NO! NO! NO! Don't take me to Philip's room for the love of God, please! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO!" he protested and bawled and howled in restrained sobs as Vivian mustered all of her strength to push Cartman into the young boy's room with the lad clawing and scratching against her bosom as if he did not want to be separated from her. In a last ditch effort to stay put, Cartman then tried to sink his teeth into one of Vivian's breasts but then Vivian pried him from her chest and hurtled him right into the room with all her strength, sending him flying to the bed and causing him on ricochet on it; he was soon rolling onto the unstable and fickle surface for a few moments before coming to a stop lying face down on the water bed. Once he caught the door slamming shut on him from the corner of his eye, he dashed right up to the door and then started to pound and slam his fists onto it in a flurry of jolts. "No! No! No! Let me out! Let me out, you crazy fucking bitch! Let me out damn you! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! LET ME OUT PLEASE!!!!!" he shrieked and hollered at the top of his lungs as his voice inflected into a sharp, high pitch at the utterance of the last sentence. "Oh, pooh, pooh; go and rot in hell, you little devil," Vivian sneered unsympathetically and unconcernedly as she sauntered and ambled off to the stairs and started to go down them in a marching flurry of footsteps as Cartman continued to bang and strike his fists on the door.

"Oh, you are not getting away with this bitch! You won't get away with this! You're the one who's going to rot away in hell! I hate you! I'm going to tell Mom and she'll sue all of your sorry asses in court! You'll see! You'll see you contemptible, miserable bitch!!!!!!" Cartman threatened portentously, ominously and solemnly as he shook and rattled the door compulsively and then he screamed in a frustrated outburst and sobbed shrilly like a baby before he then charged at the door with a loud yell; he then started a long and arduous process of propelling and hurtling his body and smashing it against the door in the hopes of getting out of Philip's room. Vivian then staggered back into the first floor while marching down the stairs, psychically and emotionally exhausted and drained from her epic struggle with Cartman and then collapsed onto Maude's arms as everyone gathered around her and cheered for her astounding gallantry.

Vivian smiled weakly and then let herself sink into her best friend's arms as Maude carried her over to the makeshift sofa bed and then laid her there gently. She then tucked her into bed and covered her up with a comforter; Arthur fluffed up her pillow and inserted it under his exhausted and frazzled wife's head. Kyle just gaped and stared with a flabbergasted and dumbstruck expression on his face and smiled. Butters couldn't believe it himself either. "Hey, that's the first time I've seen a woman actually stand up to Cartman and win," he commented in awe and wonder. "Hey, what the hell's going on? Oh no… you poor baby!" Sophia remarked crankily to the group before she saw Vivian lying in bed looking worn out and tired and then she, Blanche, Dorothy and Rose ushered over to the bed in which the woman lay and then Sophia compassionately stroked her head gently while Dorothy gasped while covering her hands with her mouth in horror.

"Well, I guess we might as well stay here for the next couple of days; the hotel we were planning to check into is all booked and there is no other affordable hotel in this neighborhood," Alexandra Cabot sighed in resignation as she announced the change in plans. "A day or two shouldn't be that bad," Stephanie muttered to herself thoughtfully. "Well, I'm going to have to call in all the remaining members of the judging panel to come in over from the Broadway Street Theatre to Maude's house," Dorothy replied to Alexandra Cabot resolutely with a shrug of her shoulders and then she dialed a number in her cell phone and waited for someone to pick up. Someone did pick up after three dial tones; it was Jessica Fletcher. "Hello? Who's this?" she answered inquisitively. "Jessica, this is Dorothy Zbornak. We cannot go to the hotel we were designated to go to; they're all booked. So we're going to spend a couple of days at Maude Findlay's house and get things settled until the day of the talent show," Dorothy explained to Jessica calmly as she informed her on how their initial plans had been suddenly derailed.

"All right then, Dorothy. I'm going to bring the rest of the panel members with me and we're coming straight to Ms. Findlay's house as soon as possible. I do imagine the traffic is rather dreadful," Jessica complied obligingly and then Dorothy nodded. "Good, now please be here as soon as possible," she implored her pleadingly. "I will; goodbye Dorothy," Jessica acquiesced and then she hung up. Dorothy then slips her cell phone into her pocket and sighed. Now where are they going to sleep? "We could make the living arrangements later on in the evening. We have the rest of today to kill off anyway," Maude reassured the perturbed and consternated crowd soothingly. "Oh, thank God," Claire Timkin sighed in relief and then she sat down on the makeshift sofa bed that Vivian was still sleeping on and then lay down on an unoccupied pillow before turning on the television with the remote and started to flip the channel.

Everyone then gathered around the makeshift sofa bed and then sat down on the floor in haphazard spots while staring at the television. "Wait a minute! How many members of the judging panel do we have in this house so far?" Walter made a quizzical inquiry out of everyone. Stephanie then took out a piece of paper and a pen and then passed it to Dorothy. Dorothy then scribbled and penned down the names of the people that were registered in the judging panel. The following people were:

**Judging Panel For The 12th Annual Broadway Street Theatre Talent Show**

**Dorothy Zbornak**

**Rose Nylund**

**Blanche Devereaux**

**Sophia Petrillo**

**Stephanie Forrester**

**Claire Timkin**

**Yubaba**

**Yzma**

**Kronk**

**Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot**

**Chef**

**Eric Cartman**

**Aunt Line**

**Hosts:**

**Zeniba**

**Kyle Broflovski**

**Butters Stotch**

"Well, that's who we have here in this house for now, Rose," Dorothy affirmed to Rose as she checked over the list by tracing the names with the pen with her reading glasses on. "Well I have to agree; God, after a long day of traveling I just want to sit back and relax," Blanche nodded and then she leaned back on the sofa bed and yawned peacefully. "Shhh! Listen!" Claire Timkin hushed everyone as she turned back to the television. The 8 o'clock news was on right now. And in that 8 o'clock news was Todd Foster, the local star news reporter from The Foster Report, along with his brunette haired, blue eyed Canadian partner, April Beaucroft. "Hello, and welcome to Fox News at 8 o'clock. I'm Todd Foster of the Foster Report," Todd Foster introduced himself with a crisp, suave, charismatic manner of speaking. "And I'm April Beaucroft," April Beaucroft chirped gaily. She was always the bright eyed, eager, naïve and spirited of the two, in contrast to the worldly and sophisticated Todd Foster. "Todd Foster sucks! The only reason they put him in the damn television is because he is the big star of The Foster Report," Sophia spoke up critically.

"MA!" Dorothy hollered at her in a raspy voice as everyone stared at her with collective, annoyed, exasperated glares. "Well excuse me!" Sophia grumbled while crossing her arms in annoyance and then everyone resumed their focus on the news. "Breaking news: A 20-something-year-old man named Harold Chasens has disappeared sometime today between the hours of 5 a.m. and 8 p.m. and his mother, Ms. Chasens, is desperately trying to search for him. Here she is now," Todd Foster reported in a dull, monotonous, crisp, drawling voice and Harold's hair stood up and his heart started to beat wildly.

_Oh no! No! His mother cannot be possibly looking for him! Not since Maude had figured out a way to sneak him out of the house just so they could see each other! God he was in deep, serious trouble now! _Harold's series of thoughts raced through his mind as he tried to concoct of a way his mother could have possibly caught up to him. She was not stupid, true, but still… No matter how hard he tried, even with all of his ingenious, resourceful methods of staging his own death, (usually suicides), and other grisly, morbid acts, he could never be able to elude his own mother. One way or another, she will see through his act and catch up to his deceitfulness. Harold was glad he found his old lady friend when he did; anything could have happened to her in his absence. If the Findlays hadn't been so merciful, and if Omari had not risen to her defense, Maude would have been transported half a mile or more to Riker's Island by now, home to some of the most notorious criminals in the city. Harold shuddered at that possibility, for that was the LAST thing he wanted to happen to dear old Maude.

Maude would never survive in that brutal, cruel world, not that cheery, happy-go-lucky, eccentric, unconventional woman of her age; she would be brutally and viciously murdered by some pedophile, thief, con artist or even murderer or any various types of characters of a criminal nature in a matter of hours after her arrival. _Maude, _a thought crossed his mind as his eyes crossed themselves in a narrow squint and then he glanced over at the middle aged Maude, the Maude he did not know, the owner of this house, the most notorious Maude of all Tuckahoe. Maude glanced at him back and acknowledged him in return; she marveled at how Harold easily looked like an older, adult version of Philip and it was almost as if Philip's future adult form of himself had zapped back to the present to bring in some vital information from the future. Or at least that's what happens in novels and movies.

With his youthful, innocent, childish expression, narrow and long face, a lanky, thin, gangling build and stature, and with his short, shaggy, mangy hair hanging down from his head that had its very distinctive look, Harold could either look like Carol's older brother or even her oldest son. It wasn't long before Ms. Chasens materialized on the television screen and then held up a WANTED poster containing Harold's picture on it and giving out all of the required information: name, birth date, age, eye color, hair color, date last seen, etc. She was a graceful, elegant, short blonde-haired woman with a very reserved and snobbish demeanor who wanted nothing more than for Harold to become a member of mainstream society by adhering to its conformist rules; in other words, she wanted him to be normal. She then cast a dead, cold, aloof, standoffish stare at the screen while holding up the poster with her son's picture on it and then spoke with a monotonous, crisp, brusque tone.

"If you have seen my son, please be a good citizen and turn him in to the proper authorities as soon as possible. Thank you and have a nice day," she drawled in a cold, distant tone and then just stalked off without another word. April Beaucroft cast a bemused and confused glance at the blonde woman and then Todd Foster gestured for her to look at the screen and then added, "Well, that's it for today's 8 o'clock news. Tune in to watch other breaking news at 11 o'clock; we hope to see you then." Then the television screen flickered off into black and then Claire Timkin glared angrily and indignantly at the gang. "This is outrageous! That woman absolutely has no soul. Did you see the way she delivered that speech of hers? God!" she griped and complained discontentedly in a loud voice for everyone to hear.

_If I make a buck out of this Chasens kid, I'll reap in enough profits to keep my bathhouse running for another year! _Yubaba thought darkly and chuckled softly as an evil, wicked, devious smirk creased her thin, bold lips and she took in another long drag of her cigarette as she pondered some more deadly and toxic thoughts of hers. Zeniba was not willing to let her twin sister get away with scamming the entire gang – and judging panel – by hawking and peddling Harold off to his mother just so she could receive the reward money, if any. "Let's see… Jessica Fletcher, Timmy, Rusty, Early, Liz, Granny and the Sheriff should be on their way tomorrow. So will Joe Bomowski and his mother, Tutti. I guess everything is settled then; does anyone have anything important to discuss?" Dorothy mumbled to herself as she consulted her list of people to be running and helping with the talent show and then looked up at the gang to glance around to see if there's anything they want to say.

"Yeah, one question, Dorothy Zbornak. I wonder why Ms. Chasens is out to capture her son by using the media as her tool if she seems so concerned about getting him back," Chef pointed out one oddity. "Well, Chef's got a point. Something does seem off with Ms. Chasens; she does not act like the typical worried mother who fears for her son's safety at all," Rose concurred and agreed with Chef's point of view as she furrowed her eyebrows in suspicion and distrust. "I have to agree with Rose right there; Ms. Chasens seems to be a very cold-heartened woman at best," Blanche sympathized with her simple-minded friend. "Just listen to the way she speaks! I can't imagine that woman eliciting any sympathy from any ordinary American individual if she speaks in that cold, impassive, apathetic tone like she does," Dorothy argued with a compelling and cogent tone in her voice as she briefly takes off her glasses and gazes hard at her companions as she spoke with her smoky, gravelly voice.

"Cold, cold, cold, cold… That Tutti Bomowski is a disgrace to the Estelle Getty line! She practically capsized her career into oblivion! I can't stand that utter failure!" Sophia groused and whined at the mere mention of Tutti Bomowski. Just as she spoke, Jessica Fletcher, Timmy, Joe & Tutti Bomowski, Rusty, Early, Liz, Granny and the Sheriff piled right into the living room in marching formation and then Tutti Bomowski nearly gaped at upon seeing Sophia, prompting the "Ironside" song by Quincy Jones to begin and alternating in high and low pitches as the split camera alternates and switches from Tutti to Sophia and then back to Tutti again; the song then finally concluded when the camera combined as a whole again and the two women were in a direct confrontation. "You!" Sophia hissed in a threatening snarl and lunged right at her fellow character in a burst of hyper speed as Tutti Bomowski could only stand there dumbfounded. In a matter of moments, Sophia then sprung upon the elderly woman and then locked her into a half-nelson chokehold as they tumbled and rolled onto the floor, compelling both Joe Bomowski and Dorothy to barge right into the scene and attempt to separate the quarreling and bickering ladies.

Sophia was pulling and yanking on Tutti's hair roughly and was choking her tightly until the old woman practically turned blue in the face; Dorothy shivered at Sophia's contemptuous and self-satisfied smirk as she watched Tutti suffer in her state of rage. "You call yourself Italian? You don't even know how to defend yourself!" Sophia taunted Tutti as she yanked hard on her hair again. "I'll show you who's the weakling in here, Sophia Petrillo!" Tutti hissed irately and then she pried Sophia off herself with all the strength she could muster and then threw her over her shoulder with brutal force, causing her to fly across the room and right into the kitchen window where she was hurdled onto the wet, soggy, dew-saturated grass in a sudden shower of shattered glass. Tutti Bomowski then unsheathed her .40 caliber shotgun and then cocked it in preparation to battle her rival. "Oh no, Mom!" Joe scolded his elderly mother disapprovingly. "Ma, you better come inside the house right now! I have no time for all out brawls between crossover characters!" Dorothy ordered a swift and crisp command to her Sicilian mother.

"What in the blazes is going on here, Edith?" Archie barked and growled at his wife displeasingly, at which the poor woman shrugged. "Oh my God!" Vivian exclaimed, suddenly sitting up from the makeshift sofa bed and leaping to her feet. "I better go get Cartman! I left him in Philip's room the last time I remembered." She then graced her way through the tense crowd and sashayed up the stairs in order to fetch Eric Cartman, who must certainly be exhausted and dead asleep from his rambunctious temper tantrums by now. Vivian actually felt a little sorry for the obese, bratty little bastard; her heart actually went out to him when she recalled how he tried to fight hard to stay close to her. _He must have been so afraid, and I was awfully_ _hard on him. I better go and check on him so I can apologize,_ Vivian thought to herself as she approached Philip's room to release Cartman, with her mind focusing solely on the young boy and being blissfully unaware and oblivious to the imminent war between two character sisters.

Sophia then charged at Tutti in a dark surge of black magic that pulsed deep within her as she burst right into the living room and was about to make her first move. Tutti then stepped back and aimed directly at her opponent, ready to attack. Sophia then held up her index and pinky finger with her thumb crossed over her other two fingers, a sign of her infamous Sicilian curse. "May a tree sprout and shoot out of the ground and wrap its luscious and lengthy, extendable roots around you and trap you!" she hollered at the top of her voice. Dorothy was horrified and appalled; her mother was actually making a direct hit at her fellow companion and things could quickly turn ugly! How could she possibly save her own mother from herself? Tutti Bomowski then felt a long, thorny, thick tree root wrap, twist and meander around her neck and then suddenly multiple tree roots shot out from the ground and then bended and weaved around her body, trapping her in a snug cocoon that was akin to a spider's web as a tree rose from the horizon. She found herself screaming and crying in a terrified voice and was now quickly panicking.

"Joey! Joey! Help me!!!!!!" Tutti squealed in a petrified voice. And just as Sophia was upon her, Tutti's eyes dimmed and darkened into little, black slits and her face fell into a pale, livid, pallid shade. She was going to die. She could hear her malicious, spiteful, contemptuous, derisive cackle ring and echo in the air as she felt like death was about to take her prisoner. Dorothy could not take it anymore; her mother must be stopped. "MA NOOOOOOOOO!" Dorothy bellowed at the top of her lungs and then her eyes flashed out into a gleaming, glistening pinkish/crimson hue as she telekinetically sent out shots of lightning bolts and both Sophia and Tutti were immersed and electrified in a flurry of shock waves that proliferated throughout their entire bodies. Sophia herself was completely pulverized and paralyzed by the sudden attack and then crumpled to the floor in agony while she twitched and convulsed endlessly. The tree then combusted into flames and then the tree roots loosened their deadly grip on Tutti and then withered and burnt away into ashes as Tutti fell on her hands and knees and glanced over her shoulder to watch the tree disintegrate and crumble into pieces in the scorching heat – right in the Findlays' own living room!

Rose then ascended into the sky and then shot out a blast of water from her mouth and helped douse and put out the sweltering and blistering flames; finally, the dust settled and Tutti was suffering from a severe burn to her back. As for Sophia, she was rendered immobile and stunned as a result of her daughter's electrical abilities. She just couldn't move an inch of her muscles; she remained stationary on the floor and lay there without moving a single body part. Sophia was also brutally injured by Dorothy's electrokinesis but Dorothy knew she did not have much of a choice – the fight could have resulted in a catastrophic battle that could have escalated in the Findlays' house burning to the ground with casualties involved. "Oh, Ma," Dorothy cooed as she crept over to the wounded Sicilian woman and then knelt down next to her to pet her white, fluffy, cottony hair.

"Pussycat, you saved me; I have to thank you for that. I don't know what came over me though," Sophia murmured softly as she gazed up at Dorothy with a soft twinkling in her eyes. "Oh, Ma; what matters is that you're safe and you're not prone to cause any more destruction in this house," Dorothy smiled as she pinched her cheek with a grin. "Don't get too cute on me, Dorothy. I'm cagey, like a panther; I pounce!" Sophia challenged Dorothy boldly as she snapped her jaws at her to prove her point. "Daddy, what just happened?" Rusty inquired his father, perplexed and confounded. "Who knows, son; who knows," was all Early could say, and then he paused for a moment to watch his sister Liz smoke her cigarette, as she is usually seen doing.

"That bitch just tried to attack me!" Tutti Bomowski pointed an accusing finger at Sophia as she addressed Maude about the situation. "Calm down, everyone! We all had a rough day today. We're just tense by the whole atmosphere and all; why don't we head to bed now? It's really late as it is," Maude hollered at everyone to be quiet while issuing an order to retire for the night. Vivian then emerged downstairs with the sleeping Cartman in his arms; creases had formed in his wrinkles and his bloodshot eyes demonstrate that he had been screaming and crying for hours on a prolonged tantrum. He was now finally exhausted and sleeping peacefully in her arms. "Look, we've spent all day with this drama and now it's around midnight. I say we all head upstairs and get some sleep," Carol griped seriously to her mother. "Carol's right, everyone! Listen up; now is the time to make some living arrangements. Early and friends, you all get to sleep in Ms. Naugatuck's room tonight," Maude announced to everyone how the living arrangements were going to work and then declared the first designated room for the first group of guests.

"Are you crazy ma'am?! They're a bunch of lunatic, blazing, illiterate, uneducated, rough-housing, temperamental hillbillies!" Ms. Naugatuck strongly voiced her objections for Maude to hear. And as Maude swerved around to meet her with a strict glare glistening and shimmering in her eyes, Ms. Naugatuck added determinedly, "And they're worse than you damn turkeys!" "Ho yeah, Daddy! We're going to sleep at the old British lady's cot tonight!" Rusty hooted excitedly. "Listen, son, don't even go there. That old lady is not worth it," Early admonished his son gently. "But Daddy…" Rusty pleaded. "Son, don't EVEN go there," Early reiterated his warning while widening his eyes admonishingly, this time with more emphasis. He was an ex-convict, sure, but he knew better than to stir things up with the maid of the house, especially since the Sheriff was yards away, ready to make an arrest at any given moment.

"All right then, does anyone want any specific rooms in this house, i.e. the garage?" Maude made even more inquiries to the gang, at which Yzma and Kronk raised their hands. "Yeah, I think the garage would be a good place for Yzma and me to sleep in. We need a quiet place to conduct our business in," Kronk spoke up assertively. "I agree with Kronk; we just need some privacy of our own in order for our plans to succeed," Yzma added with a sly and beguiling tone in her voice, which conveyed some certain amount of creepiness and eeriness to it. Maude then consented to their decision and Yzma and Kronk were off to the garage to make themselves comfortable. Early and his family had already departed for Ms. Naugatuck's room, and the Sheriff himself was just sticking around to see to it that no trouble occurs under his watch. Ms. Naugatuck was just nervous. She did not want the squids to room with her.

Joe and Tutti Bomowski voted to sleep in the room next to Philip's room to the left. Alexandra Cabot volunteered to take the room next to that room also on the left, provided that Aunt Line, Claire Timkin, Jessica Fletcher, Stephanie Forrester and the Golden Girls room with her as well. Kyle, Butters, Chef, Timmy, Yubaba, and Zeniba all voted to sleep with Philip and Carol. The Sheriff just elected to sleep in the living room in a sleeping bag near the television next to Archie and Edith. Soon everyone had chosen their rooms all on the second floor and the entire group stampeded for bed. Stephanie then waved goodbye to Vivian and Arthur, who then departed for their house with Cartman in hand, not knowing that they were taking the young boy home with them, since Vivian was thoroughly exhausted and fatigued and mentally lethargic and Arthur had consumed more than one drink and was not fit to drive, so she had to escort him home. Alexandra Cabot then entered her room along with Aunt Line, Claire Timkin, Jessica Fletcher, Stephanie Forrester, and the Golden Girls; then Yubaba, Zeniba and the boys to Philip and Carol's room; then Joe and Tutti Bomowski went into their room as well.

Ms. Naugatuck had crept up into the Findlays' room with Maude and Walter sleeping in their master bed and Joey was sleeping in his crib and little Omari was slumbering in his cot by the window, exhausted. The elderly British maid was too terrified to sleep with the squid family that now resided in her room; she especially did not trust the ex-con male head of the family who seemed to have a dark, dull, green, olive skin on him and his eager, young, red-haired, light green son with braces. Ms. Naugatuck refused to risk getting attacked in the middle of the night by any of them: the male squid with that funny hat and with a tendency towards violence, his curious and adventurous son who was eager to imitate his father in every way possible and make him proud, his chain smoking sister with a strange blonde, curly wig and that ghastly, garish makeup she wore, including that dark eye shadow that made her look like a hooker, and that elderly, female squid who claims to see visions of God and who also had a propensity to be vulgar and vile as well despite of that fact. That family did not look right at all; they clearly stood out in the affluent, sophisticated, cultured neighborhood suburb that was Tuckahoe. What would people say?!

She then tip-toed her way through the room, watching the shadows caress and dancing and shifting through her in circles like flashlight beams meticulously and slowly aiming to capture a burglar or escaping prisoner in the act. The air was quiet, calm and peaceful and Ms. Naugatuck could hear the shrill chirps of the crickets play their distinct tune in the dark of night; an owl rotated its head rapidly as if it were a sprinkler discharging droplets of water onto the dry, crisp grass to quench its thirst while hooting from its throat. Actually, it looked more as if it were on crack, Ms. Naugatuck mused to herself and chuckled as she sidled and sulked over to Maude's side of the bed and then bent over her to watch her employer sleep. As usual, Walter was snoring with a nasal quality to it and it sounded more like a pig snorting in content. Ms. Naugatuck had to keep her laughing volume down so she would not needlessly wake up her employer unless she voluntarily woke her up first; Walter sounded so ridiculous. Then she spun around to look at Omari; the little angel was asleep soundly and looked just like a newborn kitten.

A faint purr could be heard in the air; it was Omari's way of sleeping. Alongside Omari was Maude herself, who was slumped over his body and had placed her left hand onto his hair as a way of caressing it. Maude had somehow snuck into the room without waking up the Findlays and gotten into Omari's bed to sleep with him; Harold must have taken his spot with the Sheriff downstairs in the living room. Then again, it would be odd for the two of them to share a bed together, seeing as they were from two different generations. "Tie in a yellow ribbon…" Ms. Naugatuck sung to herself as she stood over Maude and kept watch over her. Unfortunately, Maude heard her and then sat up suddenly from her bed; she then sharply turned to her maid and yelled at her, "MS. NAUGATUCK, WHAT THE HELL!!!!!" "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Ms. Naugatuck shrieked at the top of her voice and then Maude applied ear plugs to Walter's ears so he wouldn't detect Ms. Naugatuck's screams.

Maude then placed her hand over Ms. Naugatuck's mouth to calm her down and after a few moments Ms. Naugatuck did indeed quiet down. She then sighed in relief and then peered at Maude fretfully as the middle-aged New Yorker glared at her lividly. "Ms. Naugatuck, what in God's name are you doing in my room?! Shouldn't you be sleeping in your designated cot?" Maude rebuked and berated her sharply and sternly. "Ma'am, it twern't my fault. It's the squidbillies that scare the jitters out of me!" Ms. Naugatuck protested to build her defense. "Squidbillies, Ms. Naugatuck? You got to be joking me! Why are you so afraid of the squid family?" Maude scoffed as she addressed her maid curtly and briskly. "Because I'm afraid that they're going to use ill will towards me; ma'am, they might attack me in the dead of night as I sleep!" Ms. Naugatuck whimpered fearfully with trepidation. "Are you suggesting that you think they might sexually assault you or worse?" Maude hinted with her right eyebrow lifted, conveying the innuendo. Ms. Naugatuck nodded soundlessly. "You're pathetic," Maude growled as she patted on an empty spot for the British maid to sleep in, and the grateful woman thanked her lucky stars for having such a generous employer who oversaw her duties before clambering onto the bed and lying beside her companion. Maude then turned over on her right side and then closed her eyes to go to sleep.

Finally all was quiet in the house; however, Omari had some trouble sleeping and was tossing and turning in his sleep in the midst of yet another nightmare which centered on his adoptive mother. This was his second nightmare in a row tonight, which coupled with his intensified feelings for Maude ever since he kissed her in the kitchen earlier in the morning. He thrashed and kicked in his sleep and was muttering incoherent words and phrases as he continued to writhe and wriggle in his sleep. There were nights in which Omari's dreams illustrated fantasies that even featured Maude in it, and they depicted scenarios in which he knew they would never happen, such as Walter dying an unexpected and sudden death and he and Maude would ride happily into the sunset newly married. Omari knew that Maude would never return his affections towards her and that his romantic love for her would remain unrequited. Why did he even bother pursuing her? Maude was the very first woman he had laid his eyes on upon the moment of his birth when she grabbed him and freed him from the grasp of the umbilical cord that was choking his life out of his body.

She was also the very first woman he had fallen in love with too – even before he met Tessa sometime after his family took off running and abandoned him in the Findlays' hands. Sure he and Tessa had known each other for a while, but he knew Maude all of his short life – from the very first minute he took his first breath. The passionate love that he had felt for her was gradual and took a period of weeks to months to develop. Everything about her entranced him: her voice, her smile, her wit, her elegantly, regal and majestic presence that she exuded when she walked into the room, and the way she would respond to people and their comments. Sure she was difficult, sarcastic, overbearing, loud, prejudiced, determined, headstrong, stubborn, and deaf to opposition. All of these qualities that would normally drive away and repel just about everyone had instead had an opposite effect on Omari: it drew him to her even more, because he knew that deep inside that tough, strong-willed, demanding woman lay a soft, gentle and sensitive heart.

And Omari had seen that side of her more than anyone else. Maude was everything to him; he couldn't imagine life without her. Their strong, ironclad bond was what transcended time and numerous barriers: psychical, emotional, and even between species. He could not afford to lose her. This also applied to Harold and Maude too; they seemed to be the most unlikely pair the world has ever seen, mainly because of their age differences, class, background, and terms of personality. Maude was a free spirit who enjoyed living life and the boundless pleasures it had to offer and was a very optimistic and positive influence on Harold's life, whereas Harold was a sullen, brooding, gloomy kind of man whose favorite pastime was staging elaborate and twisted, morbid, disturbing suicide deaths.

His life was nothing but a series of rules, regulations, customs and expectations made of him by various authoritative figures in his life that ranged from his own mother, to his uncle Victor, to the psychiatrist, and even to the local priest. Maude, however, was a breath of fresh air that he so desperately craved in his undernourished and neglected, stifled soul that was denied any form of creativity and free will to steer the course of his life on his own with everyone expecting something of him. Harold & Maude were no different than he and his mother Maude; they were just two people who share a special bond to guide them in all of life's tribulations and trials.

Omari then sat up with all of these colliding thoughts in mind and then stooped over to the window to see a black Nissan Armada parked right in front of the house in the dead of night, with the entire neighborhood sleeping. What the heck was that car doing parked in front of the house? Ms. Chasens, perhaps? Omari decided to investigate; he then flicked open the switch on the window sill and then pushed it open with his bare hands before slipping out onto the roof, his tail swishing and flickering as a reminder of his departure. Maude had not even woken up. Omari then paddled and ambled his way onto the wall as he continued his ascent onto the roof; he then dug his claws deeper into the material that structured the walls to get a more firm bearing on his path as his tail continued to wiggle and sway in the air to keep his balance. He soon reached the roof and then pushed his way up and then he landed onto the rooftops before glancing over at an abandoned, old steel radio.

It was a special radio that Omari often used to eavesdrop on the conversations of people often visiting the Findlay home around the area whenever he would sit on the rooftops to amuse himself; sometimes he would even sit with Tessa whenever she would drop by. The radio is extremely sensitive in which it can pick up sound waves from all over the house and a little beyond the borders and can even transmit those signals back to the radio so Omari could hear himself. The numbers that would light up red represented the different sections of the house; 001 represented the driveway or front yard of the Findlay house for example. With the radio on Omari could even hear a person enter right onto the driveway and that person would not know. _Let's see who_ _would dare intrude into the Findlay house tonight…_

Omari then turned on the switch to 001 and then settled down on his chest with his chin resting in his arms to listen to what the people in the black Nissan Armada had to say. The stolen Mercedes Porsche was still parked just nearby, so there could be trouble. "Jesus! That's my car!" a female voice growled. "Oh really? Looks like a Mercedes Porsche," a gruff, male voice mused. "Well, that Maude person must have stolen it. I'll report her to the cops," the female voice speculated before deciding with a hint of finality, referring to the elderly woman that Harold was so fond of, not his adoptive mother. "Good idea," the male voice sniggered, causing Omari's ears to flatten and fold themselves in terror, his tail to curl to his left side, and his body to shiver and tremble in tremors. Maude was going to get in serious trouble, and he had to warn her! "I suspect that Harold might be in this house around here somewhere," the female voice theorized and surmised. "Oh really? Where the hell did you get an idea like that?" the male voice shot back challengingly. "I know for a fact that wherever Harold goes, Maude is certain to follow him. The two are like peas in a pod; one cannot be with the other for long," the female voice sniffed disdainfully. "Are you sure? Is this the house of the Findlays?" the male voice prodded more closely.

"Yes this is the house; the address was given to us by a dear friend. I could almost swear Harold is in this house. When I find him… he will have a hell of a lot to pay. I'll have him summoned over to the authorities first; then I'll deal with him myself. Maude will then be promptly apprehended for car theft and given her extensive record of car thefts and other unlawful transgressions, I could have her shipped to Riker's Island," the female voice growled at him tersely and testily while she revealed her ingénue cunning and plotting to capture both Harold and Maude in their tracks. Omari's fur bristled and his heart stopped immediately; his blood also ran cold and he could feel shivers creeping down his spine. _That foul, miserable…_ was his thought before the woman stepped out of the car and then Omari recognized her from the television: it was none other than Ms. Chasens! That cold, glistening, malicious, callous gleam in her eyes told him that she was clearly up to no good; pretty soon, she and her brother, Uncle Victor, would instigate a massively, detailed and intricate, sinister plot that could destroy everyone's lives and permanently separate the young man from his beloved old lady.

"But of course, I need to concoct a reason, an excuse for her to be in Riker's Island. I'll come up with the most gruesome, morbid, grisly and diabolical crime my devious little mind could muster with all my brainpower and intellect and I'll frame her for it! I'll have her caught in the act and then they'll surely take her away. Harold would never see that damn, elderly broad ever again; is that clear?" the young, beautiful woman murmured some plotting and machinations of her own almost from under her breath and the more she discussed her plans to Victor, the most disgusting and revolting her sinister, wicked, depraved, insidious smile got as it spread across her luscious, attractive lips. Omari was about to throw up at the sight of her; what a sinful, devious, nefarious, fiendish woman indeed! Actually, he would be about to throw up at just about anything disgusting and repulsively abhorrent anyway, but still…

A chuckle then erupted from Ms. Chasens throat as she chortled and cackled with amusement and satisfaction with her new, diabolical and ingenious, clever plan. Uncle Victor joined her with his own rumbling, deep, sonorous roar. Omari turned off the radio, unable to assimilate any more information, and then scampered back into the house. His mother Maude was most dear to him, but right now the other Maude badly needed his protection! He then capered onto the bed and then shut the window down tight and locked it with the switch just to make sure that no one noticed anything amiss and then settled down beside Maude as he watched her sleep. He glimpsed at her breathing peacefully in her sleep, with a quiet, tranquil smile spread on her face, and her eyelashes dangling from her old, aged eyes, immediately reminding Omari of his mother's own eyelashes. He beamed for a moment, recalling on how he loved his mother's beady, diminutive, circular eyes, with the deep, ebony, black, onyx hue reflected in her pupils. Omari even chuckled momentarily on how Maude would comment that her eyelashes hadn't woken up yet. He had to grin at that; the damn things that his mother said!

Omari then came to realize that even if Maude would never love him back, (at least on the romantic level), she was still his mother and dear friend and he'll always be grateful for that. Sometimes he wished that someday he'll fall in love with someone that was just as wonderful as Maude. _Perhaps I feel inadequate in my relationship with Tessa. Maybe I just expect too much, _Omari thought to himself. But then he stomped his right paw on the bed and glowered in black, little flickering slits with tints of mauve and azure that seethed with brewing rage and indignation. Omari knew one thing for certain: if anyone ever dared lay a hand on his mother… that person would be **DEAD MEAT. **He was also very certain that Harold had the same sentiments concerning his friend's safety as well. Hmm… Maybe he could try to befriend him? It wouldn't hurt to try; maybe they'll be best buds!

Omari then smiled peacefully with that in mind and then snuggled close to Maude. He brushed his fur against her bosom, which awakened his sensitivity and set his passions afire. Somebody please slap him before he makes any amorous advances towards her… But instead he was cradled snugly in her arms and as he lay there in the dark of night falling asleep, a song emerged in his mind, and it was a song by Bryan Adams. Right there and then, he knew the perfect song to sing at the talent show in the next few days, and he knew exactly who he was going to dedicate to: Maude. She was his heaven, regardless of whether or not their relationship would progress to a romantic level. He didn't care; she was his forever and for always. Omari's body went still and he felt himself drifting into dreamland as the song _Heaven _began to play. What a beautiful song, and what a beautiful woman.

**A/N: Okay, now here are the following characters from the television shows/movies that are depicted in this fanfiction:**

**_The Golden Girls:_ Dorothy, Rose, Blanche, and Sophia**

**_Law and Order: Special Victims Unit: _Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot**

**_Flower Of Evil:_ Aunt Line (French movie with English subtitles)**

**_South Park: _Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Timmy, Chef, & Butter Stotch**

**_Squidbillies:_ Early, Rusty, Liz, Granny, and the Sheriff**

**_Murder, She Wrote:_ Jessica B. Fletcher**

**_Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot:_ Joe Bomowski & Tutti Bomowski**

**_Spirited Away:_ Yubaba and Zeniba (Japanese anime movie directed by Hayao Miyazaki)**

**_The Emperor's New Groove: _Yzma & Kronk**

**_The Bold And The Beautiful: _Stephanie Forrester (soap opera)**

**_Mannequin: _Claire Timkin (1987 movie starring Kim Cattrall and Andrew McCarthy)**

**And oh yeah, in the part where Vivian is scolding and chastising Cartman for his obnoxious and boorish behavior shortly after Maude spanks him on the landing of the stairs, there is a indirect reference to the movie "Terminator", where the main character is named Sarah Connor. At the beginning of the movie, Sarah was a cowardly woman who would run away from the Terminator, (that was also pursuing her), but then she sheds her cowardice and becomes a brave warrior, eventually leading an army of her own. If you did not understand why I used that reference to allude to the transformation that Vivian went through in the first place, now here's your answer. Also, the movie was the only good, solid example that I could think of to make some sort of reference to the scene.  
**


	4. An Extraordinary Twist Of Events, Part 1

**A/N: Well, this is Chapter 4 now. Vivian and Arthur find themselves in a strange, bizzare and awkward predicament, Omari must inform Maude of a conspiracy against her and try everything he can to protect her, and Alexandra Cabot gets wind of the rumors of the AST drugs stored somewhere in the kitchen and has her boss Capt. Cragen summon detectives Benson, Stabler, Munch and Finn to investigate. Jessica Fletcher, in the meantime, joins forces with the SVU detectives in a investigation that could involve the conspiracy plot to destroy both Harold and Maude and sunder the special bond between them while Kyle and the boys launch a rescue mission with Early and the squids and Ms. Naugatuck and Vivian make some personal discoveries of their own, with Ms. Naugatuck quickly discovering that she must now hold the fort and prove her loyalty to her employer while she is gone. Tutti Bomowski, however, must heal from the blistering and scalding wound she received from Dorothy's unwittingly powerful electrokinesis attack that led to a tree burning to the ground and also confront Sophia on her own. Also there will be a couple of new characters introduced in this story; you'll see who!**

The vast, cosmic skies of the prosperous, well-off neighborhood of Tuckahoe, New York was dazzling and shimmering with translucent, brilliant, luminous streaks of dark tawny, amber and saffron rays of sunlight that was intertwined within the light baby blue/azure background of the heavens as dawn makes its regular appearance again by rising up in the horizon from the east. The golden/yellow ways of the sun spills and radiates over through the transparent, clear window of the Harmon household as the room soon lit up with its bright, vivid light and revealed the sleeping couple lying in their humongous bed asleep. Unfortunately, Cartman himself was also sleeping in the bed and was squished in between Vivian and Arthur, having been accidentally taken home by the Harmons the night before. Vivian was so exhausted from her visit to the Findlays' house that she had hardly noticed that she and Arthur were taking the young boy with her and to make matters worse Arthur was slightly inebriated and intoxicated as well, making him completely incapable of operating a vehicle. Somewhere between the shenanigans and tomfoolery in the Findlay house Arthur had sunk into the kitchen to have a drink or two in the living room, but it appears that he made have had too much to drink, and now he was the first to wake up with a throbbing, agonizing headache plaguing his brain. He then staggered and rose upright from the bed while holding his aching head and then Vivian roused from her sleep as well, still overly worn out and fatigued.

"Arthur, did we accidentally pick one of the kids up from Maude's house last night?" she grumbled crankily. "Why?" Arthur groaned in reply as he continued to bemoan about the fierce hangover he was currently suffering from. "I think I have a vague memory of something in particular…" his wife muttered sleepily under her breath; Vivian then slowly swiveled her head around to see who it was that she accidentally abducted from her best friend's house and then a hysterical scream escaped her throat once she saw who that kid was; it was none other than Cartman! "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Arthur howled at the top of his voice and then quickly jumped out of bed in panic, with Vivian slowly slipping out of bed with a bewildered and panicked, consternated expression on her face. "Viv! There's a fat ass sitting on our bed!" Arthur yelped in a terrified and alarmed tone.

"Fat ass?! That's the same little brat that I locked up in Philip's room!" Vivian replied back with a vicious and menacing streak. "MAAM! I want pancakes!" Cartman whimpered in a whiny voice in his sleep, not realizing that he was no longer under the protective custody of the judging panel. It seems like he also doesn't remember that he was no longer in South Park either. The couple then balked as they cast a hard, unmoving, cold, dead stare at the boy and Vivian felt herself in the throes of a terrifying panic. Arthur couldn't think of anything to calm and soothe his flustered and perturbed wife. This was a very awkward situation; if Ms. Cartman were to find out that a couple of complete strangers had mistakenly taken her son from his designated group in the dead of night… they could get sued or worse!

"Look, Vivian. We already have that mangy, crazed lunatic named Chuck to deal with already; we do not need a rottenly spoiled, pampered, indulged young man to put up with! We need to take him back!" Arthur griped and carped to his wife irritably and petulantly. "Arthur I think I know why we took Cartman home last night. I think in my subconscious I wanted to take him home because I'm somehow getting attached to him; there's a part of me that reaches out to this young man and wants me to give my heart to him. I feel as if he were my son. And when Cartman tried to resist me and prevent me from locking him up in Philip's room, I think he somehow felt the connection too, especially when he tried to bite me in the breast."

"Think of it this way, Arthur; it's like how Maude feels about Omari. She feels like Omari's her whole world and that a large part of her life would be empty if anything were to happen to him. Arthur, let's do something for Cartman; let's feed him and take care of him and then we'll return him to Maude and Walter before word of this reaches his mother," Vivian explicated her sentiments about Cartman to her husband in a quiet and soft voice as she cast a downward glance at the floor shyly, not willing to look at him as she spoke and then glanced up at him as she spoke her last sentence. Arthur then pondered his wife's words for a moment before sidling over to the bed and shaking Cartman's shoulder in order to wake him up. "Eric, Eric, listen boy, you're not in South Park anymore; you're in the house of the Harmons," Arthur coaxed the young boy encouragingly as he gave him a little nudge with his elbow and finally Cartman opened his eyes and sat up with a blank stare, not uttering a word.

Vivian fidgeted with her fingers and tapped them against each other in nervous anticipation, waiting for his reaction. Cartman then yawned and then glanced around at his uncouth surroundings and then glimpsed first at Vivian, then Arthur, and finally Chuck, who was now jumping up and down excitedly and exuberantly emitting and yelping maniacal barks with an extra spring in his feet. His eyebrows then furrowed with a contortion of a frown forming in his lips as his visage screwed up to that of suspicion, wariness and mistrust and then he spun his head around to meet Vivian's gaze, who was now flashing a friendly grin at him as she smiled. "Eric, this is my fox terrier, Chuck. He's usually jumpy and edgy in the morning. I'm Vivian, and this is my husband Arthur, right on the other side of the bed," Vivian briefly introduced herself as she directed Cartman to Arthur, who gave him a polite wave of hello. Cartman's body then shook and quivered furiously and right before the two Harmons knew it, he had just unleashed an outright tantrum.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I WANT MY MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HER, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!!" he shrieked and shouted in a shrill, agitated, frustrated voice as he thrashed and flailed his arms around in an infuriated fit like a 5-year-old. He then turned on Vivian angrily and then lunged right at her, prompting her to scream in terror. Cartman then pounced right on her and caused the young woman to topple right on her back and then he started to beat and throttle her with his fists while Vivian tried to push him away with her hands and blocked his hits to defend herself. "I hate you, you fucking bitch! This is payback for locking me up in that asshole's room!" he shouted and screamed in an indignant, incensed voice as he continued to buffet, belabor and bludgeon the young, female New Yorker with his fists. "I will not tolerate utilizing psychical violence on me, young man!" Vivian scolded him reproachfully and then something snapped in her that allowed her to acquire the strength to actually overpower him and soon she shoved him onto the bed and pinned him firmly on his back with her entire body.

Cartman then fought with all his strength to continue to resist and fight back but he soon tired as a result of the heavy weight of Vivian's body being pressed down against him and ceased his struggling altogether. Vivian then breathed a sigh of relief and then picked him up to go downstairs and also to give him some breakfast, but then Cartman suddenly jerked up and then struck her in the face with his bare fist, causing her to stumble backwards in a daze. Cartman then leapt out of her arms and then took a few steps back before dashing right at her with a resounding yell and then assailed and assaulted her by throwing haphazard swings of his fists right at her and proceeded to bash and smash her face with his overwhelming and formidable punches, which were then accompanied by swift, sudden strikes of his feet. After being struck by yet another quick punt in the right side of her face by Cartman, Vivian then doubled over and nearly took a harrowing and deadly plunge through the window and to her death several feet below. Chuck then charged and flew at Cartman in a maniacal, frantic rage with a sharp, snarling growl erupting from his lips and then sunk his pointy fangs into Cartman's buttocks, causing him to scream and cry in pain and then Cartman sprung onto the floor and then started to run around in circles screaming himself into hysterics while Chuck bit harder and harder into his bottom in order to defend his female owner.

"Chuck! Sit!" Arthur ordered a swift and stern command at Chuck, at which Chuck stopped biting and chomping on Cartman's butt and then swerved around to glare at Arthur angrily before rushing and advancing towards him with a gritty, gravelly snarl. Arthur then yowled in a petrified manner and then grabbed a broom which had been leaning against the wall for some time and brandished it against Chuck while cowering in a crouching position to compel him to keep a safe distance from him, while Chuck simply growled at him irascibly. _You foolish, pompous ass! You are so ungrateful for a venerable doctor! I saved your wife from that little ass and this is the thanks I get! Damn! _His malicious, irritated, irked, glaring eyes silently communicated his unspoken message as he continued to growl and hiss at him in a detesting manner as a small, sparkling flint of red flickered and shined in his eyes. "Good boy, that's a good boy, Chuck. Yeah, you want some dog food for breakfast? How about your favorite treats for saving Vivian? You like that, don't you?" Arthur cajoled and enticed the elderly dog with some favorite treats of his to eat for breakfast.

Chuck then let out another snarling growl and continued to bay and bark at Arthur before he sat down and started to lick himself. Arthur then moved from his defensive position, slowly put down the broom, and then crept over to his shaken and frightened wife who was vibrating and trembling with anger at Cartman's brutal treatment of her. "I swear Arthur I will give that boy hell!" she hissed and snarled viciously and vindictively before she attempted to make a rush at Cartman to give him a taste of his own medicine before Arthur grabbed her by both of her arms and restrained her. "Calm down, Vivian. Beating the crap out of the boy wouldn't do any good; besides it'll give you bad parenting skills," Arthur consoled and comforted her softly and gently and soon Vivian came to her senses and stopped struggling against her husband and stayed put. She then took a deep breath to release the tension and anger from her muscles and body and then strolled to Cartman with a graceful stride and then knelt down in front of him before placing her hands on his shoulders and peering right into his eyes with a stern, hard gaze.

"Listen, Eric, honey. I know you're scared and you want to be with your mom again, but you can't go home now. Not like this. I'll tell you what though: Arthur and I are going to take good care of you. You'll stay with us for a little while and then we'll take you back to Maude's house. I'm a very nice lady; I'm not that mean, believe me. Listen, would you like some pancakes?" Vivian then explained to Cartman what was going to happen to him and now they're going to work everything out. Cartman actually grinned when she said that and then beamed for a moment; then a wicked smirk emerged on his lips and he resorted back to his overbearing, bossy mood. "I want pancakes! Give me pancakes, you fucking bitch!" he exclaimed in a whiny, shrill voice. "First of all, do not refer to me as bitch; just call me Ms. Harmon as a term of respect," Vivian chided and rebuked him disapprovingly. "Just give me the damn pancakes, lady!" was all Cartman was willing to say.

Vivian then raised her right eyebrow in displeasure and then pointed out the door to Cartman without uttering a word. "Fucking dumb broad," Cartman muttered under his breath as he toddled his way out of the Harmons' room and then Chuck followed his footsteps closely while snapping at his heels belligerently; he was not willing to let this stranger attack his owner again, or he'll suffer worse. "Ugh! This boy is completely intolerable! I can't stand his insufferably arrogant and haughty attitude!" Vivian sighed in exasperation as she sat down with her legs crossed and then Arthur approached her to comfort and support her. "This boy should be no different than I; people have proclaimed that I'm a jackass, even Maude," Arthur commented to her crisply and stiffly in an attempt to cheer her up. "Arthur!" Vivian shot back at him, upset. "You know I don't love you less for that! Ooh! It's just that I can't stand Cartman! He is so vulgar, spoiled, childish, incorrigible and stubborn as an ass." "That's true; let's see if I can go downstairs to talk some sense into the boy," Arthur signed lamentably and then he disappeared from the room and spirited away into the kitchen. Vivian followed him while mumbling under her breath in reference to Cartman, "Asshole."

Kyle then started up in bed drenched and soaked in sweat as a dream flashed and dissipated into his mind. His clammy and dank hands trembled and quivered and felt cool to the touch as he felt the surging and pulsing sweat evaporate and dissolve into the air, leaving a very cool vapor circulating in his hands. "_What the_ _f…?_" he whispered low in his voice, baffled, puzzled and troubled by what he was seeing and then glanced out to the window. The sunlight was pouring into the room with his light yellow rays and the morning was now starting to grow thin. Kyle then vaulted out of bed, careful not to disturb Timmy and Butters, who were sleeping on either side of him, and also Chef, who was also dozing in a sleeping bag alongside Yubaba, who was sprawled on the floor snoozing.

Her twin sister Zeniba was lying on the bare floor curled up into a little ball with a teddy bear clutched to her chest just 5 yards away from the door, near the closet. Kyle then tip-toed away from the room, nervous and on edge about the strange, stifling atmosphere around him as he glanced from Butters to Timmy, then to Chef and Yubaba, and then to Zeniba, who was just a few feet away from him. _Something was not right; there's some sort of evil_ lurking _around…_ he thought to himself. _Didn't Cartman come upstairs with us last night? He's supposed to be here! I thought I saw him with that Harmon lady last night too… Wait a minute… I know he's a complete, fucking asshole and I hate him to death, but it still seems odd that Cartman is not with us. Where could that little bastard run off to? _

A series of thoughts dashed across his mind as he slowly approached the door. Kyle gulped and then reached his hand for the doorknob, apprehensive of what was to come. He then took a moment to take a glimpse at the witch Yubaba, who was still snoozing soundly with Chef beside her. He did not want to mess with that woman, that's for sure. He heard rumors that she turned a girl's parents into pigs and stole people's names in order to take possession of them. She could even seal up your lips completely and make them disappear! Kyle wasn't too sure of what else she was capable of, but whatever that was, it was NOT good.

Kyle then opened the door slowly but surely and then after poking his head out the door glanced around to see that the hallway was empty. It was too early in the morning for anyone to be up around this time, but he could hear two distinctively different voices ringing in the kitchen. One was a growly, raspy voice type and the other one had a British/Cockney accent. It appeared that the two people were… _singing? _Kyle then dashed out on the hallway and then thundered down the stairs and raced right into the kitchen to investigate.

When he torpedoed right into the kitchen headfirst, he was astounded to find that Ms. Naugatuck and Dame Marjorie Chardin, aka Maude, dancing and swaying to a song from Flashdance, "_What A Feeling_". Ms. Naugatuck was a mediocre singer, but Maude surely knew her way through the song and had a very decent voice and the two were shaking their hips and waltzing through the kitchen as if there were no tomorrow. "What are you two doing?!" Kyle exclaimed in a dumbfounded, flabbergasted voice. Ms. Naugatuck then quickly turned off the radio and then grinned at the boy sheepishly and chuckled. "Well, Mr. Broflovski, I didn't expect you to be up so early in the morning. Ms. Chardin and I were just dancing to some songs. We are considering entering the talent show," she beamed affably as she bowed to him politely and then placed her hand on Maude's shoulder as she grinned at Kyle back.

"Entering the talent show?! You can't even sing half your ass off!" Kyle berated and rebuked her angrily and disparaging and then his hand flew to his mouth in surprise as he realized he said the wrong thing. _Me and my big mouth… _"Now, now, Mr. Broflovski, that is no way to address your elders. Apologize right this instant," Ms. Naugatuck sharply scolded and chastised the young boy and Kyle's face burnt a deep crimson red in shame and embarrassment. "Sorry, Ms. Naugatuck; I just didn't think you were that good," he confessed timidly. "That's all right, dearie. Just be polite around it the next 'round," Ms. Naugatuck beamed at him as a sign of forgiveness and patted his head. Then as she walked away with Maude, she added as if she were speaking to herself, "What a bright lad." Kyle then smiled shyly and then shuffled over to the table to have some pastries left on the kitchen table, which was rather rude but he was hungry and famished.

Suddenly he heard a "Psst!" coming from the window and Kyle jumped at the sound; he then skittered over to the window by clambering on the counter and squishing his face close to the glass. There in front of him were his pals Stan and Kenny. Stan then opened up the window so he and Kenny could let themselves in. "Kyle!" Stan screamed with joy and then threw his arms on his best friend in an embrace as Kenny muffled his exclamation back. "Stan! Kenny! What are you doing here in Tuckahoe?" Kyle cried and gaped in amazement and wonder.

"Dude, we came here to keep you company; we were not about to let our best friend be lonely and afraid in this strange suburb of New York," Stan explained to Kyle informatively, and then Kenny emitted his muffled replies in return. "Thanks guys! You're the best!" Kyle beamed and smiled as he hugged Kenny and Stan. "Hey, where's Cartman?" Stan made an inquisitive query out of Kyle, prompting him to scratch his head. "I don't know; he seemed to have disappeared last night," the young boy answered, confounded and stumped. "Do you have any leads?" Stan interrogated Kyle persistently. "Not really, but the last time I saw Cartman he was in Ms. Harmon's arms," Kyle answered in reply as he shrugged his shoulders. "Who's Ms. Harmon?" Stan enquired Kyle, confused and vexed. "Well, Ms. Harmon is a good friend of Ms. Findlay, the tall, looming lady with a booming, commanding, masculine voice who's letting us stay in the house for a couple of days. You're not supposed to be here, for you're not one of the members of the judging panel for the talent show," Kyle explicated and elucidated his answer calmly and slowly while enunciating his every word.

"Dude, don't worry; my mom allowed me and Kenny to get tickets to Tuckahoe, New York and for us to sign up as alternate members of the 12th annual Broadway Street Theatre Talent Show Judging Panel if anything were to happen to you. I'll be translating for Kenny, since no one really understands him that well," Stan reassured him coolly and confidentially, and Kyle breathed a sigh of relief. Now he wouldn't have to worry about his two best buddies getting into any unwarranted trouble, or does he? "Listen guys, I think I know what happened to Cartman last night. Ms. Harmon and her husband must have taken him with them!" Kyle divulged his suspicions to the two boys, and Stan gasped at this speculative theory. "How could they do that right under Ms. Findlay's nose? Were they drunk or something?" he exclaimed in astonished shock and disbelief. "Actually… Mr. Harmon was drunk; I think he must have gotten a couple of champagne bottles from the kitchen and helped himself to about four to six glasses," Kyle remarked nervously and Kenny screamed in outrage.

"Dude, that's a monster hangover he's going to suffer from, or worse!" Stan cried in a horrified and appalled voice. "We have to get Cartman back!" Kenny shrieked in a muffled voice. "Guys, I think I know who could help us; the squid family that is rooming in Ms. Naugatuck's room!" Kyle informed a potential plan to his friends. "There are squids sleeping in Ms. Naugatuck's room? How in the world are they going to help us? Don't they need water to survive?" Stan gaped in an awestruck tone. "No, no, no! They're land squids actually. They don't really need water to survive; I think we need to talk to the patriarch of the family and see if he'll help us," Kyle explained in a rambling voice and then he ushered Stan and Kenny right into the squids' room.

Kyle then knocked his fist on the door that was formerly Ms. Naugatuck's room until the squids ruthlessly took over without caring if that decision forced the British maid to retreat to her employers' room and then paced around to wait for an answer. Stan then glanced at Kenny with a blank expression, waiting for him to say anything, but Kenny merely shrugged. If this was how they were going to start their very first day in Tuckahoe, then they're in for a wild ride in the Big Apple. Just then, someone tapped on Kyle's shoulder and then he spun around to see who it was; it was none other than Maude Findlay herself, and she didn't look too happy. Stan and Kenny then screamed in unison at the top of their lungs and Kenny launched himself at the middle aged woman in defense in order to attack her but then Maude grabbed his parka and set him down gently. Kenny just blinked wordlessly afterward.

Then she continued to loom over the boys and glare at them with a pretentious and sanctimonious glare and a domineering and majestic stance until Stan's eyes burned so much from looking at her he couldn't even bear to stare at her any further; Kenny then took out a semi-automatic and aimed the weapon right at his temple, prepared to commit suicide in front of her. "God will get you for that, Mr. McCormick!" Maude admonished him grimly. Kenny then gasped in surprise with his muffled voice and dropped the gun before crossing himself three times as a sign of repentance, earning baffled and bemused looks from his friends. "Who the hell are you lady? Some kind of prophetess from God?" Stan challenged her audaciously. "And how did you know my friend's name?" Kyle added angrily. "Were you listening in on our conversation for the entire five minutes we've been standing here?" Stan piped in irritably. "All right, all right! Look, I don't want you boys to do anything stupid under my watch. I'm in charge of this group and since you three are minors, I'm also in charge of you. My name is Ms. Maude Findlay and yes I've been eavesdropping on your conversation. I do not want any clandestine collusion happening under my nose, is that clear?" Maude shouted irascibly before explaining her motives and intentions to the boys and letting them know that she will not tolerate any form of misbehavior that occurs in her house.

"Look, all we want is to rescue our friend, Cartman. I think your friend Ms. Harmon must have taken him last night; her husband seemed very intoxicated," Stan pleaded to Maude in earnest with both Kyle and Kenny nodding in agreement. "You mean Vivian?" Maude gasped as she directly made eye contact with Stan. "Yeah… her," Kyle concurred, not sure what Vivian's actual first name was. "Well, Vivian is a bit of a dimwit, but she is my friend, so I'll take you boys next door and I'll talk with her. I am in charge of Cartman after all," Maude relented in stern agreement after some consideration. At this the boys cheered and then flooded in single file back upstairs and into their respective room to check on how their remaining roommates were doing, with Maude smiling as she watched them disappear into the second floor.

_These boys aren't really that bad; they just want their friend back, that's all, even if he is a bit of a spoiled brat. I sure took proper charge of the situation when I did, and I'm glad I did so, but I'm still worried about Omari. I don't know what I'm going to do with him since he's infatuated with me. I don't want Walter to be jealous of him, that's all. Omari means the world to me and I love him just as much as I love Walter; they are my most favorite men in the world. I love him too much to lose him. I will not turn my back on him just like his parents turned their backs on him when he needed them most. _She then smiled to herself at these thoughts and then quietly strode her way back upstairs and then ventured into the dark, narrow hallways that were devoid of any sunlight. Soon she went right into the master bedroom and leaned against the doorway to watch the scenery.

Omari was still sleeping in his crib along with the other Maude and her husband was still sleeping in the bed for some unknown reason. Joey was still sleeping in his crib and it was then that Maude's eyes wandered right to that crib and thought briefly about the decision she made years ago with Walter. At the time Maude was perfectly happy with it but as the years went by and the times changed and the country switched presidents and the superhero community gained more and more renown in the world, Maude felt some sort of incomplete void within her heart and began to become increasingly lonely. She wished that she could raise something, a puppy, a kitten, anything to fill the void in her heart. And that void was finally filled when Omari entered their lives one March day, a grandson of the absent King of the Rusty Plains.

King Russell Ronald Remarr was his name, according to his birth mother, and he had fathered two twin cubs, one was Gideon, who was the oldest, and the other one was Earl, the younger of the two. Earl was his biological father, the scrawniest and scruffiest of the two; Gideon was the apparent heir to the throne and had all of the privileges of the firstborn, whereas Earl was a mere spare, saved only just in case anything were to happen to Gideon. If that wasn't to be the case, Earl probably would have been killed, and Omari would have never been born. Maude didn't care if Omari was the offspring of one insignificant spare, on the contrary. She was actually elated that he had some form of royal blood in him from his father's side. His father had some wine-colored, mauve fur in him, and his mother was a royal, dark chocolate brown lioness that became a rogue and wandered the vast kingdom of Amalthea, (The Rusty Plains was one of its numerous provinces), sleeping around and mating with various males and bearing their children as a result.

Omari was one of those children that resulted from a lusty union._ A son of a whore will fall in love with a whore, that's what it is _one of the councilmen who ran the government of Amalthea told Maude when she and Walter came in to defend Omari's birth mother to defend her of several egregious charges directed against her. The whole kingdom of Amalthea was scandalized by Suzannah's, (the name of Omari's birth mother), wanton and promiscuous behavior due to the fact that she was a princess who singlehandedly built the kingdom of Amalthea on her own with the help of her elderly father, King Adolph Fonso, or just plain King Fonso.

King Fonso was in charge of the entire team that Suzannah was the leader of, and was disheartened by his daughter's raunchy behavior. The princess was thereby banished into exile on a faraway planet in light of these allegations of debauchery, sexual misconduct and more other grievous charges that the Council Of Amalthea forbade the Findlays to discuss with anyone, especially their adopted son, about, at least until Omari was old enough to understand. The Findlays then were left with no choice but to tell Omari that he was just simply abandoned as a young cub and the Findlays were very generous and more than happy to take him in, especially since Maude had become very attached to the young boy. Maude felt sorry for the disgraced princess but was happy that Omari was in good hands with her and Walter. Ms. Naugatuck, Carol, Philip, Archie, Edith… no one in the Bunker/Findlay family knew anything about Omari's mysterious and shadowy past save that Suzannah and Earl had both abandoned their young son and took the rest of his half-brothers and sisters with them and that was the end of that.

Gideon was forced to drive Earl out of the Rusty Plains and using his father's authority also disowned him as his brother as well. Earl and Suzannah, however, eventually split up and Suzannah had fled and taken another identity. Some people say that Suzannah went absolutely insane in her designated exile and brutally murdered all of her offspring, leaving her husband to grieve his losses; that was what supposedly initiated the split in the first place. Others say that the rest of the heirs to the Amalthea throne borne by Suzannah were in turn abandoned by their mother and stepfather. Maude was alarmed and disquieted by these rumors but refused to believe them and therefore inform Omari of these rumors, fearing it would upset the young lion cub.

She had every right to withhold this information from her adoptive son; Omari would have become greatly upset and distraught with grief and sorrow if he were to find out that the same biological family that had deserted him were to have been destroyed from within, with his mother vanishing without a trace, his father left alone in the world, and his 9 half-siblings: Faye, Alexis, Jewel, Noah, Zaskar, Duffy, Travis, Terry, and Patricia, all of them dead and slain by their mother's own hand, never again to enjoy life's pleasures. If these rumors were true, since Jewel was also Gideon's daughter as well, then Omari was the sole remaining descendant of King Remarr still living, a tragic, miserable, lamentable consequence to think about.

Maude had swore to herself that once Omari grew up and if he wanted to reclaim his two birthrights, which were the kingdoms of the Rusty Plains and Amalthea, Maude would yield him all of the information he needs to know about his past and help him in his quest to recover his secret and obscure past as a former royal heir to two of the most prominent and renowned kingdoms in the entire planet/kingdom of Amalthea, (the capital city of the planet Amalthea, of course, was Amalthea City), and regain his legacy. Maude knew that Omari loved her dearly with all his heart and soul and she knew that Omari knew she felt the same way. She acknowledged the fact that he would do anything to make sure she was safe and that no matter what happens, she, Omari, Walter and the gang would go through the journey together.

Maude then gazed at Omari with misty, teary eyes as her vision blurred in front of her. She then dashed to Omari and then threw herself on him, crying and sobbing as she buried her face into his furry chest. "Oh, Omari! I don't want anything bad happen to you! You know I'll be completely distraught if anything were to happen to you! You're the one person I love besides Walter! I love the both of you equally and I don't want either of you to get hurt! I love you my son," she wailed in hysterical tears as one teardrop slipped from her right eye and fell onto Omari's chest and she continued to sob inconsolably. "I love you too, Maude," Omari smiled as he gently kissed her forehead. Maude then ceased her crying and peered at her son with tear-stricken eyes. "I know, Omari. I've known that for a long time," she nodded understanding and then with a mischievous smirk she proceeded to tickle his underarms, making him laugh.

Then she turned around to see that her husband Walter was already up, and he was grinning enthusiastically. "Walter! When did you get up?" Maude asked him quizzically. "So I see that Cartman's on the loose, huh? That was some performance that you put on, Maude," Walter chuckled with a devilish leer. "How did you…" Maude started but then Walter took out his hands out of his back and revealed Omari's steel radio right before their eyes, and even Omari himself could not believe it. "You stole my steel radio, Walter?!" Omari shot back at Walter, mortified. "Guess you're not the only one who knows how to work these things. You've been foolish enough to leave it out on the rooftop where someone could steal it," Walter laughed as he explained carefully to Omari, who then groaned while slapping his hand onto his face in frustration.

"There is no way you could have gotten onto that rooftop without us knowing it, Walter," Omari retorted while shaking his head in skepticism and disbelief, with Maude following his lead. Her husband was completely unbelievable sometimes, even going so far as to come home intoxicated one night when Carol, Maude and Arthur had a disagreement over Carol's son Philip and Arthur's granddaughter Angela "playing doctor" and he actually took nearly all of his clothes off right in front of his stepdaughter and wife. Omari could not get the image out of his head for WEEKS after Maude recounted that story that occurred years earlier.

"I didn't have to; I think it was your eccentric friend that must have gotten onto that rooftop and retrieved it for you," Walter remarked candidly in reply, at which Omari was stumped. That lady knows how to do everything – laugh, sing, talk, steal and retrieve stuff… she could have become a world class thief if she had wanted. But her benevolent and altruistic, affable and amiable, empathetic personality prevents her from doing so, so she only reserves those skills for helping the ones she loves, even Harold. "That Maude is something," Omari mumbled under his breath. "I definitely agree, Omari," Maude nodded her head in agreement and then she beckoned the two boys to follow her to the kitchen, for she suddenly had a plan. Walter gulped; he detected the evil gleam in his wife's eyes and he did not like that look at all.

When Maude, Walter and Omari finally got downstairs, they were stunned to see Butters, Kyle, Kenny, Stan, Timmy and Chef gathering outside the door with Harold, Maude, Yubaba, Zeniba, Early, Liz, Rusty, Granny, and the Sheriff in tow. Maude's lips twisted and contorted into a sneer and she immediately marched right over to the group. "Now wait, wait, wait just a minute! Nobody is going anywhere on some crazy adventure until I get word out of one of you where it is that you're heading off to," Maude yelled in a commanding, demanding voice as everyone turned around to look at her, surprised and startled. "Well, it's just that Kyle, Stan and Kenny went to Timmy and me and told us of some plan he had, and then we went to Chef, and Chef said that was fine as long as he went along. Yubaba and Zeniba wanted to go too, and then word got to the squidbillies in here also and Early wanted to bring his family along for the ride as well. And since Maude was the one who stole the Mercedes Porsche, it's fair of her to drive us to the Harmons' house," Butters rambled and prattled on in a rapid voice and mumbled and babbled on nervously and anxiously as he felt Maude's cold, angry stare peer right into his soul. Finally when he was finished, he breathed in a sigh of relief while wiping his forehead with his right hand relaxingly and smiled shyly.

"TIMMY!" Timmy growled while thrashing and flailing his arms excitedly and obliviously in his wheelchair. "Is that boy retarded or something?" Walter cried while pointing his finger at Timmy in annoyance. "Walter, knock it off!" Maude turned on him furiously with a sneer. "That wasn't nice, Walter," Omari chided Walter mildly. "TIMMY!" Timmy spoke up once again while bobbling his head randomly. "Dipshit," Walter growled under his breath. "WALTER!" "TIMMY!" "WALTER!" "TIMMY!" "WALTER!" "TIMMY!" "WALTER!" "TIMMY!" "WALTER!" "TIM…" "Oh why don't you shut the hell up?" Maude snapped at Timmy bitterly, prompting Timmy to wave and smile at her absentmindedly, not paying any mind to the comment she just said.

"Well, if we're not going to sidetrack each other any further by trading insults, then I guess I must be off," Harold scoffed as he sauntered over to the door to open it, with Maude trailing behind him. He then opened it and then bade Maude exit the door. "Ladies first, Maude," he greeted her by bowing in courtesy and then gesturing her to the door. "Thank you, Harold. You're so sweet," Maude gushed in bashfulness while strolling out of the door. "Anything for you, my lady," Harold hollered out of the door as he heard her snicker in a fit of giggles. Then everyone else just stampeded out of the Findlay house, with Rusty hooting and somersaulting in the air with a "Yeah, Daddy!" and Early blasting his rifle out wildly and shouting at the top of his voice, "Hit the 'tram!". "Oh, praise Jesus!" was Granny's reply while Liz said absolutely nothing and just smoked. Soon Maude, Walter and Omari dispersed with the rest of the group and everyone had left the house, leaving the rest of the panel and remaining members of the household behind.

Then, Ms. Naugatuck waltzed out into the open and then started to sing "Tie In A Yellow Ribbon". Alexandra Cabot then walked out into the living room and said, "Ms. Naugatuck, Special Victims Unit needs to speak to you." "Oh really? Coming, dearie," Ms. Naugatuck quizzed her curiously as she followed the assistant district attorney right into the kitchen, where Detectives Elliot Stabler, Olivia Benson, John Munch and Odafin Fin Tutuola were lounging around in the kitchen table inspecting things and the detectives flashed their badges upon Ms. Naugatuck's arrival. Ms. Naugatuck trembled at the sight of the detectives and then Alexandra Cabot showed her to a chair, at which Ms. Naugatuck obliged.

The British maid then sat down in a vacant chair and bubbled and muttered her way anxiously and agitatedly as she felt flustered, puzzled and consternated. The detectives then returned to their original seats and then Detective Olivia Benson looked at her. "So you must be Ms. Nell Naugatuck," Elliot Stabler pronounced sternly at Ms. Naugatuck, at which the maid gulped fearfully and in dreadful dismay. "So tell me, how long have you been working for the Findlays?" Olivia Benson importuned Ms. Naugatuck inquisitively as she flashed a profile picture of Walter and Maude. "Ah, ah, ah, it twasn't me, ma'am. I, I have been working for the Findlays for more than 20 years now. I started working in um, 1974 I believe," Ms. Naugatuck stammered and stuttered nervously as she stared at the detectives with a bleak expression and sweated nervously.

"Who was the last maid that worked for the Findlays before you came here?" Elliot Stabler interrogated Ms. Naugatuck with a steady gaze as the elderly maid felt Detectives Munch and Finn glare at her warily. "Um… Ms. Findlay told me it was um… Florida Evans. She was a black woman, you see," Ms. Naugatuck blubbered on to the detectives as sweat continued pour down on her profusely. "Hey, relax Ms. Naugatuck; you're not a criminal, you're not being charged with anything, for this is a simple interrogation just so you could provide answers as to your knowledge on the AST drugs that are suspected to be in this house," Elliot Stabler calmed her reassuringly but then Fin stomped over to Ms. Naugatuck and then bent over to her face closely and Ms. Naugatuck shrunk in fear.

"However, you can go to jail for obstruction of justice so you better be up front and honest with us," he warned her admonishingly and then retreated back to his original spot, causing Ms. Naugatuck to shiver in terror. "Think of it this way, Ms. Naugatuck; in the eyes of the police you're a formal witness since Ms. Chardin has revealed this vital information to you," Detective Munch informed the British maid with a somber and grave tone. "We could bring in some protection if you want if we feel that whoever has manufactured those drugs might go after you," Olivia Benson added gently yet earnestly. "All right, I'll reveal everything I can if you must insist. Should I tell you about what happened to Omari?" Ms. Naugatuck sighed and relented yieldingly. "You might as well, because that is strong evidence of the drugs' destructive effects on living organisms, including animals," Elliot Stabler nodded in conferment. Ms. Naugatuck then nodded back understandingly and then took a deep breath before she began her tale.

"I heard Mr. Findlay cry out Omari's name from the kitchen. I saw her bolt right out into the living room to wake up the Bunkers and then I rushed up the stairs to fetch the rest of the members of the household. By the time I led the entire gang into the kitchen, Omari was already lying sprawled on the floor and Ms. Findlay was kneeling right in front of him, shaking and crying herself into tears. And then the next 45 minutes was like a blur; I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. I saw my employer peer up at me and tears were pouring and raining down her face, with her eyes reddening at the sides and with such a dreadful, glazed, obscure, fierce look that I could not bear to look at her."

"It was an emotional, pained, yet distant and aloof glare as if she were trying to hold back all of her emotions as they were spilling out in the forms of expressions she was conveying with her countenance. Rage, desperation, alarm, consternation… it was all mixed up right in her face. I damn well wished I did anything to help the poor woman; she was so distraught and traumatized by the whole ordeal seeing Omari in mortal danger just broke her heart. I remember her whispering to me in a faintly audible voice that was the most huskiest I've ever heard, _Ms. Naugatuck, I don't know what I'm going to do now; Omari has never had a history of seizures, ever. I feel so damn guilty for letting him be in harm's way, and I should have been more careful with him. Why do I have to be so foolish? I would trade places with Omari in a heartbeat if I could; I wish I was the one who was dead! _And then her eyes narrowed and peered out into little black holes and a flash of red illuminated and flared in her eyes and she curled up her lips with a snide sneer, her face blackened and darkened into a nasty, hideous, nefarious shade of black, just pure evil. My bones were immediately chilled and my heart froze, my muscles tensing to run out of the room in panic._ Don't just stand there, you damn fool; help me for the love of God!" _

_"_I remember her screaming at me. I know she said a similar comment like that later on but that's basically what she said to me. Then she turned to Carol and tells her to call 911, and then Carol dashes right to the phone and dials 911. I was astonished and dumbstruck by how quickly Carol got to the phone; she and Omari were never really that close as adopted siblings, mind you, and she was even jealous when he first came to live with us, but when Omari fell sick, I suppose, that Carol figured she had responsibility towards her younger brother at hand and she leapt into action. By then Walter had left the house to go fetch the Harmons, because uh, Arthur was a doctor himself, a professional doctor, and besides Arthur was Walter's best friend, and Vivian was Maude's best friend… You do understand what I'm telling you, right? Are you following what I'm saying?" Ms. Naugatuck recounted the harrowing and devastating events of that dreadful and awful night as best as she could, and the more she talked about, the most hesitant she became to relive the whole thing again, even though she was now comfortable with talking to the detectives about it.

Besides, who else was going to listen to an old woman like her anyway? Strangely enough, Ms. Naugatuck felt like she must be constantly on her guard to make sure that nothing happens to this house while her mistress was gone and had to be the one holding the fort. She felt a certain debt of gratitude towards Maude and believes that she must pay her employers who were so generous and merciful with her over the years by demonstrating her loyalty. She then looked up while momentarily stopping her disturbing and gut-wrenching tale and saw that Elliot Stabler was scribbling some notes on a notepad while Olivia Benson read them over as he wrote; Finn was brandishing a ping pong mallet in the air absentmindedly while John Munch also wrote down some notes of his own.

Unfortunately, however, deep within the shadows that were cast in the house, two different pairs of eyes were gleaming and radiating out into the light with a luminous and brilliantly, glistening sheen; one was a pair of dark red eyes while the other one was a pair of light, azure blue eyes. From the pair of dark red eyes, a dorsal stripe can be seen visibly along with the head, and the scrawny, muscular, slim body of the other intruder was conspicuously transparent in the ominous dark. They were spies dispatched by Ms. Chasens to inspect the house and check on the detectives' snooping and prodding in the Findlay home.

A tail flicked out into the light briefly, a winding, long, extended, light brown tail that is, only to slip back into the shadows. The other creature stuck her yellow paw out into view, and then poked out her muzzle from the darkness as well to sniff around her new surroundings. Her older, stronger, sleeker companion snarled and snapped at her younger, emaciated, thin partner and lunged at her with such brutal force she nearly pushed her back into hiding, which she didn't have to do since the other female lion flinched back with just enough time to avoid being hit by her partner in crime. "Vitani, you fool! You could have given us away! Don't you see those godforsaken detectives just a few feet away from us?" the older lioness snarled and roared with a husky, gravelly, smoky voice, which was the most unusual voice for a lioness to have by the way.

"Mother…" the younger, yellow, scrawny lioness moaned with a crackly, whispery, raspy voice. "Don't you start with me, Vitani! Now, look and watch," her mother snapped huskily and then the two lionesses refocused their attention onto the Special Victims Unit detectives and the older, dark brown lioness with the dorsal stripe eyed Elliot Stabler munching on an apple hungrily. Drool began to water and permeate from her jaws and she slurped her lips greedily. "Detective Elliot Stabler," she growled with an insidious, menacing, malicious hiss, and her pencil-thin, ebony lips bent into a devious, calculating, artful smirk and as Vitani stared at her mother's viciously shining, pointy, deadly carnivore teeth, she shuddered and gawked at her mother in dismay. "What in the world are you thinking this time, Mother?" Vitani questioned her mother quizzically. "He's the alpha of all New York city cops," her mother remarked with an obsessive, compulsive, fanatical streak. "He is mine, Vitani, you hear me?"

"Yes, Mother," Vitani sighed while rolling her eyes in disgust. Her mother was SUCH a psychotic bitch; not even a change of scenery, which incidentally was the grand, affluent, opulent suburb of Tuckahoe, New York, which Vitani couldn't even tell how far it was from that place to Central Park, would even allow her to put aside her possessive, jealous, maniacal rage for even one nanosecond! Besides, Ms. Chasens personally chose THEM, all the way from the goddamn province of Kenya, which the lions couldn't care a damn less about the formal name of the place in which they live anyway to be her special, secret agent spies/minions to masquerade as just simple house cats so Maude and the clan's suspicions would be diverted. Also up for the job were Petrie's Uncle Pterano, his henchmen Rinkus and Sierra, and also Ms. Chasens' most trusted spy, Minnie Castevet. Of course there were some other people recruited under Ms. Chasens' authority, but that was about it. And did I forget to mention that Uncle Victor also has an entourage of mercenaries that are only summoned for search and destroy missions and other torturous deeds?

Vitani knew that her mother was not pleased when Ms. Chasens informed her of that fact; well she could have summoned her whole army of Outlander lionesses with no complications and they would have done the same amount of damage like Uncle Victor's mercenary army if they were ordered to overrun the Findlay house and wipe it out in a matter of minutes. They weren't exactly mosquitoes, but they were pretty strong lionesses that might have the same potential as the U.S. Army, if not more.

A dark, crimson, ruby red tail flickered out of the doorway that was the gateway to the kitchen and then Vitani seized her sights on it, her bright, ocean blue, sapphire eyes glowing and gleaming in the dark. "Mother! I think there's another lion in here!" Vitani hissed to her mother. "Well go get her!" the older lioness retorted impatiently, not wanting her machinations to be further derailed by some runty little lioness especially an orphaned stray that has often frequented the house of the Findlays. Vitani then slinked out of the shadows and then her mother followed quietly, suddenly revealing her presence. It was Zira all right, easily recognizable by her slender, wiry, muscular, thin build and her angular, rounded, oval-shaped head, and also with a distinctive black dorsal stripe implanted on her forehead and her right ear chomped off from the bottom.

She was a strikingly well groomed and sensationally beautiful lioness in comparison to her only daughter Vitani, who was not only bony, emaciated, scrawny and psychically frail, but she also had a scruffy, compact, elongated face with freckles decorated on her muzzle with overgrown, profuse tufts of hair on her head; she also had wide, enlarged ears and looked eerily similar to her mother, who was more well kempt. Vitani looked almost like an anorexic. Unfortunately for the stranger that had just crept into the house, she was in for serious trouble. The young crimson/ruby red lioness cub had broken into the Findlay home without Maude and Walter's prior knowledge, (as she had always done by the way), but now she had the misfortune to run into two of the most notorious Outlander lionesses in the entire country of Africa: the warrior princess herself, and the self-proclaimed Queen of the Outlands.

"Ah, shit!" the lioness cub gasped in horror as Vitani stalked up to her and attempted to seize her in her tracks, but luckily the lithe and nimble cub quickly slipped out of her grasp and took off running into the living room and right out of the house, with Zira and Vitani gaining on their trail. Pterano viewed the entire scene unfold right before his eyes and was hovering over the rooftop to monitor the progress of their current mission, with Rinkus and Sierra to do his bidding. Ms. Chasens then glanced at her watch soundlessly as she leaned over her seat to watch the two lionesses hunt down their prey from her driver's seat as she sat there parked in front of the house once again, with Uncle Victor in the passenger seat next to her. "Damn, damn, damn! Come on, you stinking, smelly, incompetent bitches! Get that little runt and depose of her!" the young woman hissed in a low voice as she continued to look out for Zira and Vitani; Uncle Victor just slipped out a cigar and lit up and Ms. Chasens ignored him as he proceeded to smoke his latest joint.

In the meantime, the young lioness cub galloped behind the garage and tried to bound her way inside by leaping at the window; her feet smacked themselves against the hard surface of the wall and she plummeted into a tumble onto the ground and then landed right onto her back and then sat up weakly before she saw that her pursuers were charging right at her! The lioness cub knew from her experience on the streets that it was futile to spare even a moment when you're being hotly pursued by someone or something; your ability to act quickly can make the difference between life and death. And she knew better than to hesitate when her life was in immediate danger.

She then raced onto her feet again and then took a sharp turn right into the street while Zira and Vitani continued to hound her, with cars darting and flying by past them. The young lioness cub then dashed, ducked under and hurtled over cars and around them as she continued to speed in the streets, the sounds of beeps, screeches, and roars filling her ears simultaneously. Too many times the cars barely avoided running her over, one actually going past by her and narrowly escaped striking her head-on by a mere few inches and the young lioness managed to suppress her imminent fear of being run over by cars and merely concentrated on making her escape and shaking her chasers off. Zira attempted to increase her speed to match those of her prey, but she nearly slipped and lost her balance before nearly slamming right into an incoming car.

"MOTHER, NO!!!!" Vitani shrieked before Zira ducked out of the way and raced away from the car. The young lioness then saw a sudden flash of light flicker right before her eyes and she screamed as she was instantly blinded and stumbled onto her path. Another oncoming car, this time a Mercedes Benz, was about to collide right into her when Zira sprung on the young cub and seized her jaws right onto her neck as she wrapped her arms around her with a "Gotcha!". Vitani then smacked right into her mother headfirst and the three lionesses slid right under the Mercedes Benz and skidded right in the middle of the street, with Vitani lying slumped near her mother on her right side and Zira was curled into a tight ball while cradling the cub in her arms with her tail dangling limp on her slender, long, narrow face. Unbeknownst to them, however, in that Mercedes Benz were Capt. Cragen and Dr. George Huang! They were heading straight to the Findlay house to interrogate and interview the remaining members of the household about the mystery of the AST drugs in the house. Zira and Vitani then got up from the ground and Zira gingerly took the cub by the scruff of the neck and then the two padded over to the black Nissan Armada, with the young lioness cub struggling and writhing in her jaws.

"Let me go, you reprehensible bitch!" she screamed in a light, Scottish/British voice. "Do something, Mother. Make her shut up," Vitani urged, already flooded with impatience and irritation. "You better let me off right now, or my friend Omari is going to kick your ass!" the crimson/ruby red lioness cub continued to wriggle and squirm in Zira's mouth and finally Zira set her down and then smacked her across the face – hard. The young lioness then snarled at her defiantly and spat in her face, the blood gushing and seeping out of her face in the spot where Zira had hit her, which was across her face and started to walk off. She started to taste bitter blood in her mouth and then turned around to flatten her fur and puff it up in a bristled, intimidating stance with her ears folded back and her tail sticking out in the air and letting out a terrifying, screeching yowl as her eyes glistened and burned a brilliant luster. Vitani was just bemused and puzzled, whereas Zira was not amused. She then sauntered up to her and struck her across the face again to make her obey, but the young lioness cub spat in her face again and then kicked a thick cloud of dirt in her face with a brush of her right foot before attempting to walk away again. "I'll give you hell, kid, so you better listen to me damn you!" Zira snarled at her indignantly and infuriatingly, but the cub simply did not listen, deaf to her threats and warnings. Vitani was just stunned and stupefied at the young lioness cub's audacity; no one had stood up to her mother twice and gotten away with it.

She then sidled around the cub surreptitiously and then peered at her closely. The dark crimson/ruby red cub had fluffy, swirly, frizzy, magenta hair tufts with a circular, diminutive, compact, magenta nose and a rounded, compact, angular snout, and there were also thick tufts of magenta fur insulated in the inside of her ears as well, along with tiny tail tufts. Her body was tetragon-shaped and was also slender, curvy, slightly rotund, yet muscular and well developed with powerful, strapping, graceful legs. She also had a pure white, downy, soft underbelly and her toes were also white and rounded. The young cub also had smooth, even, velvety fur as well and her ears were angular, wide and flat, capable of cocking to a certain angle; her narrow, long, curved face had a beauteous, fair complexion with an innocent yet spunky and feisty expression.

Adorned around her neck was a thick, luscious, furry ring of dark mauve/purple ruffles and her dull, soft, shocking pink eyes complimented her unique and unusual features, and her bold, curling, black eyelashes made her even sexier. Incidentally, she was known as the most beautiful and eligible orphaned lioness cub of all of Tuckahoe and she also had a notorious and infamous reputation for being the youngest nonhuman whore in the entire state of New York, having had relations with various males, just as Princess Suzannah had several relationships with rogue lions, including Prince Earl. Tessa, as she was called, had been fending for herself ever since she was practically a newborn and knew all of the tricks of the trade of surviving in the harsh streets of New York.

She never really knew her parents because on the day she was born they had placed her in a vacant box insulated and covered in downy fur from hatchlings and other baby fowls in a narrow alley in the slums and went out to get food for their infant daughter, only to disappear from the face of the earth. Tessa never saw her parents again after that and therefore she was presumed to be an orphan, which remains true. The only vague memories that do remain however, was when her mother nursed her in the corner of the alley in which she was born and taking a brief glimpse of her father, who had a russet coloring. She did also remember her mother having a light, baby pink color as well and also having crimson/garnet hair and tail tufts, ruffles and also the fur in the inside of her ears, in addition to having crimson ruffles wrapped around her neck.

Vitani then snatched Tessa by the nape of her neck and then ambled over to the Nissan Armada and then tossed the cub into the car as the young lioness screamed. Tessa then charged at the window and then fiercely began scratching and clawing at the window while emitting low growls from her throat as the window quickly closed up and then Zira smirked evilly at the young cub. "Well, well, well, little one. You just stay put while Vitani and I do the rounds around the house," she chuckled viciously as she sneered contemptuously at Tessa. Tessa's ears perked up and then she let out another fierce and menacing snarl at Vitani boldly as a way of saying to her that she would not go down quietly. Vitani just rolled her eyes at her and then marched off, with Zira glancing over her shoulder and watching her daughter saunter off into the house again. Then she trailed off after her after sighting her for a few moments and then a dark grey/silver and khaki lioness grabbed Tessa by the head and then Tessa was cuddled to her side as the Outlander lioness nuzzled her face and then licked her to sleep.

This lioness was a slender, scrawny, slim lioness that had an elongated, angular and oval-shaped face like Zira but had a slim, slight and lanky body type similar to Vitani's. She also had a thin, wispy tail that was about 3-4 feet in length and thick, brawny, burly legs that tend to slightly incline upward in an acute angle bent when standing on her back legs, partially as a result of a congenital bone formation disorder and partly because of a double jointed ability; this lioness was able to tuck her feet in normally under her though. Additionally, she also had dark patches around her eyes and she also had khaki/beige underbelly and white tail tufts, and she also had rigid, narrow shoulders and flat, smooth, narrow feet.

The lioness also had white tufts of fur on her chest and also tufts of salt and pepper hair on top of her head; she also had khaki/beige fur on the inside of her ears, and there were also dark rims on the tips of her ears also, in addition to a square jaw and an overbite. Deirdre was her name, and unlike Zira and Vitani lacked any hint of pure evil in her heart and was merely a confused and slightly misguided young lioness although she was a very formidable and mighty huntress. Her legs may seem like an impediment, but they actually help her increase and augment her velocity and acceleration of speed and aid her in hounding and pursuing prey, even though her clumsy and awkward front paws make her look funny whenever she goes on a run occasionally.

However, she could also be tough, callous, stoic, vicious, cunning, and irascible, when she has to be (or when she's pushed hard enough) and when her survival depended on it, especially since she had been recruited into Ms. Chasens' gang. But at the same time, she could also be sympathetic, compassionate, and altruistic, a part of her she must keep hidden from Zira. Deirdre then licked Tessa's face and then nosed her gently and then directed the young orphaned cub under her side in order to nurse. Tessa just turned away in disgust but then Deirdre nuzzled her reassuringly and gently to calm her.

"I suppose you don't have any parents either," she whispered softly to her and Tessa spun around to meet her face to face. "How would you know?" Tessa scoffed disdainfully. "I lost my parents back in Africa too; they were shot by poachers for their fur, especially my father's. I have been wandering in the savannah grounds of Africa ever since and I have to rely on my wits and smarts to survive as well. No pride would accept me because of my disability and I've been rejected by every possible mate I have ever encountered. I am pretty much a loner and I've always dreamed of having a cub of my own. What's your name by the way?" Deirdre confessed to Tessa candidly and then when she turned her head to smile at her, she asked for her name.

"My name is Tessa; my parents have disappeared on the day of my birth. I have been living in half-way houses, alleys, tunnels, under bridges, vacant tenements, apartments, buses, cars, junkyards, just about every place you can think of in the city. I guess you and I share the same thing in common," Tessa replied shyly, which was a side not commonly seen in her. "Tessa… That's a beautiful name. Are you British?" Deirdre gasped in wonder and awe and gushed with joy. "No, I just happen to have a Scottish/British accent. It's a weird affliction. My mother did have a British accent though and was also of British descent; my grandmother was also Scottish. The only information I get about my family now is through public records, however scant," Tessa admitted softly. She was beginning to like this lady; she normally wasn't this trusting towards adults.

"So no one has nursed you since the day you were born?" Deirdre ventured curiously. Tessa nodded with a little audacious smirk. "Why do I need to be nursed like a babe? I'm only 5 months old, a month older than my best friend Omari. He's also my boyfriend too. He is such a noble and brave boy. I have never felt such a deep and passionate love for anyone else other than him; I just don't know why I go from male to male around here. Usually I sleep around with a guy for one night and then the next day, I never see him again. It's been that way all my life. It could be that I'm subconsciously looking for the right guy," she scoffed with a little laugh.

"I'm not all that innocent, Tess. I do have a bad side, but I'm nothing like Zira and Vitani. I have to be tough and vicious in order to survive you see. I have had a hard life; I would go wandering and gallivanting for days without any food or water and as a matter of fact I would often eat cactuses to acquire water in order to survive and prevent myself from dehydrating," Deirdre informed Tessa gravely. "Did that hurt?" Tessa squeaked, wincing with a grimace. "Yeah, but after a while I got used to the pain. It will hurt, I'll warrant you, but if you think you can take the pain, go right ahead," Deirdre affirmed in agreement as she nodded her head as she spoke. But then she heard the sounds of fluttering and whooshing of wings approaching and then she nudged Tessa under her as a gesture of motherly concern and the juvenile lioness rested her head and lay on her left side as she curled into a fetal position.

Deirdre did not trust the pterodactyls at all; Sierra looked menacing and threatening to her and he seemed to be the type prone to violence and the other one, Rinkus, was much more incompetent and obtusely dim-witted than his dark colored fellow henchman. But Pterano was the most dangerous of them all; he had an exceptional quantity of charisma and was a very alluring and captivating leader filled with great ambition. But he is so caught up in his perception of his own self-worth that his arrogance could be potentially deadly, and the only reason why Deirdre was usually gullible is either she was extremely desperate or she really wants so much to believe in something or she lets herself be swayed or distracted by certain people, objects and events. In this case, Pterano was not worth her salt to sacrifice her life for, especially now that the young Tessa's life was in her hands.

_Tessa, _a thought crossed her mind and then she felt something bite her. Deirdre then bent over herself to see what bit her and she was astonished to see that Tessa was suckling from her breast, something that was completely uncharacteristic of her. Despite of all odds, Tessa seemed to have connected emotionally with her and was now putting all of her trust and life into her own hands. Deirdre couldn't have been happier; this kitten was really special, perhaps they were meant to meet. But the young, scrawny lioness sighed as she laid her head on the car seat and let Tessa feed off her, for she knew that she was so thoroughly confused about herself socially and personally and felt as if she were an intricate paradox. Deirdre sometimes wondered to herself what role she played in this world anyway; this cub has to be ten times more street smart than she was, even though she had managed to survive alone in the African wilderness for many years.

Minnie Castevet then popped out from the car floor and then vaulted onto the car seat, startling Deirdre in the process. "Where did you come from?" she gaped in surprise and shock. "What do you think? I was sleeping on the floor while you guys were sitting here for hours! Speaking of which, you want to see my switchblade?" Minnie Castevet retorted snappishly with a quick, short temper and then she flourished out a handle and then flicked out the blade with her thumb; the blade glistened and shined in the scarce, early, afternoon light that was overshadowed by overcast and gloomy skies, which forecast rain. The low sound of thunder rumbled in the sky and Deirdre shivered. Minnie Castevet just stared out into the sky blankly before switching her focus back to her.

"Look at those clouds; it's going to be raining pretty soon," she murmured as she continued to view and sight up the clouds, with Deirdre's tail flickering to and fro as it curled up into her right leg. Minnie Castevet then cast a suspicious and leery glance at the young, sullen lioness and then raised her right eyebrow questioningly. "Why are you lying like that? Did you give birth to a cub or something?" she asked her inquisitively. "I'm taking care of the Tessa kid. I'm making sure that Sierra and Rinkus don't see her. Apparently they despise children," Deirdre retorted dryly as she averted her gaze at Minnie, and then Minnie sidled up to Deirdre and lay next to her. "Hey, it's okay kiddo. I'm here; at least you and I are not alone in this world. You have nobody and I don't have anybody either," she whispered to her reassuringly as she held her with an open, warm embrace. Despite of her treacherous, sinister, eerie and crass demeanor, she seemed to be really fond of the outsider lioness and secretly thought that she was absolutely nothing like Zira, no matter how many personality flaws she may possess. Zira was just simply a callous, insensitive, conniving bitch. Or was she?

It was raining cats and dogs by the time Zira and Vitani reentered the premises of the Findlay residence. Vitani was splotched and drenched in soppy, wet, slippery, miry mud and Zira was also heavily coated and soaked in the heavy and contaminated muck also, especially on the chin. Drops of mud were dripping from Zira's scruffy face and once they reached the doorway the two adult lionesses shook their furs wildly to clean themselves of the mud but with little success; the mud still clung tightly to their fur in sticky, gooey clumps. "Fuck!" Zira snarled in a frustrated fit and then the door suddenly opened with a creak and then the two villainous lionesses were astonished and mortified to find Elliot Stabler standing right in front of the doorway. "Oh, crap," Vitani commented to herself and then she and her mother were collared by the detective and then yanked right into the house. Detectives Munch and Fin then slapped black electric collars on both of the lionesses and then Captain Cragen came over with a remote controller and then pushed the button; Zira and Vitani were then struck with a series of tremors that rocked and electrified their bodies as they were shocked compulsively in startling tremulousness.

"What the hell are you doing?! Jesus Christ!" Zira shrieked in a hysterical panic as she continued to be electrocuted and tortured tremendously and finally she lunged at Capt. Cragen in a blind rage. "Back off, Zira!" Olivia Benson commanded in a challenging voice as she took out another remote control of her own and transmitted another electric shock to Zira's collar, paralyzing and stunning her in the process. Zira convulsed in a sudden jerk and then crouched down in front of the female detective, ready to attack. Fin then cast a quizzical and skeptical, disbelieving glance at Capt. Cragen before asking him, "What's the purpose of electrocuting those lions? Isn't that like animal cruelty or something?"

"Let me tell you something, Fin. They are two of the most dangerous lions in the world; these two had attempted to murder a royal family and take over their entire kingdom. These are murderers you see before you, and they're also the ones conspiring with Ms. Chasens. Maybe we can get those two to spill the beans and rat out on her before things spiral out of control. I have a feeling that they might be in the process of concocting and formulating a plot to ruin Harold and Maude's friendship and to permanently separate them by having Harold captured and returned to his mother and Maude getting framed for a potential felony and getting transported to Riker's. We just can't afford that to happen," Capt. Cragen explained patiently to his subordinate as he eyed the two lionesses carefully.

"Fortunately, we got a very skilled and intelligent detective on our side; everyone, this is Jessica B. Fletcher. She is also a famous mystery writer," Dr. Warner interrupted the detectives as she barged into the scene with Dr. George Huang, who had been interviewing Ms. Naugatuck, and Jessica. "Is Ms. Naugatuck all right?" Elliot Stabler importuned as he swerved around to meet the medical examiner face to face. "Captain, why the hell did you bring Dr. Warner over here? I mean she is very useful but c'mon! There are hardly any dead bodies in here as we speak!" Fin barked irritably and petulantly at his boss. "Well, you can never tell with this particular entourage, especially now that Jessica is around. (No offense to you, Jessica; I respect you as a fellow detective and as a great writer). They could be planning a murder in advance and we just may never know. It is funny how every time Jessica shows up there is AT LEAST one dead body that materializes, if not more," Dr. Warner replied back in return wryly and caustically while shrugging her shoulder.

Fin then suddenly jerked up in surprise and then glanced around at his detectives with a doubtful and wary glare and then he glimpsed from Olivia, to Elliot, to his partner Munch, to Drs. Warner and George Huang, and then to Jessica Fletcher and then he stared out into space with a befuddled and bewildered, yet blank expression. "I've been wondering for a while; is it me or do I feel we're in some twisted, warped version of Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" he finally voiced his opinions out loud and then his fellow detectives exchanged confused and perplexed, vexed and troubled glances and even Dr. Warner was scratching her head. "It appears that Ms. Naugatuck was reluctant to say anymore about the incident in which Omari almost succumbed to the hazardous effects of the AST drugs," Olivia Benson finally spoke up audaciously, breaking the silence after a momentarily pause.

"Yeah; she was really shook up about it and seemed really perturbed and distraught about the whole incident. She was having an extremely hard time going through the part where Maude was first administering CPR and then we just stopped the interrogation temporarily and instead discussed her relationships with various members of the household," Munch concurred with Olivia Benson's statement. "She refers to everybody as a bunch of brainless turkeys, as far as I'M concerned," Fin scoffed impassively and coldly while glaring at Zira, silently admonishing her not to double-cross the detectives lest she and her daughter suffered worse punishment.

Vitani snorted dispassionately and then shook her mangy and shaggy fur to shake off more of the drying, hardened, caked mud off her fur to ease the discomforting weight it bore on her body. Zira was now beginning to scratch herself like a dog; fleas were now beginning to bite and nip at her back and it hurt. Munch and Fin then exchanged questioning looks before Fin added, "Is this how they live in the Outlands, I wonder?" "Well, we do have their profiles on the international database that contains every file on every single cartoon that had ever lived. Somebody should get custody of these two lionesses in the meantime; I suspect and surmise that the mother lioness will be a lot harder to handle due to the fact that she seems to be tougher and more robust and strong-willed than her daughter," Capt. Cragen mused in thought.

"Fuck you!" Zira growled at Capt. Cragen threateningly before Fin slapped her on the head with a newspaper and then held it up in the air as a warning. "Hey!" he rebuked and chastised her severely. "No! No! Bad lioness! Uncle Walt will not be happy that you're using foul language in a T.V. production!" "Who the fuck cares? It's not like Uncle Walt is around to tell me not to!" Zira cackled scornfully and taunted the African-American detective derisively. "Whoa, that is one bawdy and obscene lion," Munch gawked in bafflement and astonishment. "I'll say," Fin remarked while nodding.

"Elliot, Liv, you take these two lionesses straight to one of the bathrooms in one of the upstairs rooms and give them a good scrubbing. After that, they're going straight to Riker's," Capt. Cragen issued his orders to one of his most invaluable duos in the precinct and then Elliot Stabler strolled over to Zira and then chained her collar to a long, leather leash, provoking a fierce growl from the older lioness. Olivia Benson then did the same to Vitani and then soon the two detectives walked the lionesses up the stairs and then they were led through the dark, narrow hallway. Stephanie Forrester then poked her head out of the room where she was staying, along with Aunt Line, Claire Timkin and Tutti Bomowski and then Vitani spun her head around to mouth _Go to hell _to the three women before she was whisked away into the darkness.

Claire Timkin knew that cops were now swarming in the house and she also knew that Jessica had recently volunteered to assist the detectives in any way she can to their ongoing investigation. She had been pretty observant of the recent events that were transpiring as of late and she had an inkling that somebody had been stalking them in order to find some way to destroy the entire gang, mainly Harold and Maude. Fortunately, the elderly department store manager was not that thick-skulled or dim to realize what was going on. And she was going to get to the bottom of this puzzling and troubling situation once and for all, with Aunt Line, Stephanie Forrester and Tutti Bomowski to aid her. The Golden Girls were also coming too, but Tutti Bomowski was still upset at Sophia for attempting to brutally and viciously assault her the way she did; if it were not for the valiant assistance of Dorothy, she would have been lying in the ICU by now.

Dorothy, Blanche, Rose and Sophia then emerged from the room and peered down at the group of detectives that were busy discussing details of the case they were now currently working on. "What are they doing down there?" Rose made an anxious and uneasy inquiry out of her friends. "How the hell should I know? What every police officer does on the street!" Sophia retorted at Rose with a snappy comeback. "Girls, let's go outside and poke around a little. We should be able to uncover something," Dorothy whispered to the girls with a hushed voice. "Are you nuts? We can't go downstairs without the detectives noticing!" Stephanie shot back at Dorothy in a whisper.

"That is true… but maybe Dorothy could figure a way for all of us to slip out of the house quietly without anyone noticing?" Tutti Bomowski speculated and hypothesized in thought. "Of course! Dorothy's telekinesis! Won't you use your powers to get us out of here, Dorothy?" Rose suddenly exclaimed in realization and then beseeched her statuesque friend pleadingly. "Of course, Rose. I'll be like Nightcrawler and whisk us out of here in a blink of an eye," Dorothy growled at her mordantly and sarcastically. "Please, Dorothy! There must be something you can do!" Rose pleaded desperately and then Dorothy held her hands in her ears to shut out Rose's begging and whimpering. "All right, all right! Blanche, go to the edge of the stairs and use your siren powers. That should distract the detectives long enough for us to get out of here," Dorothy relented as she put her hands down and then ordered Blanche to go to the edge of the stairs and use her powers.

Blanche then timidly sauntered to the edge of the stairs, in full view of the detectives. Her throat tightened and her body trembled and quivered with sheer terror. She did not want to do this, but if it helps any, she must. Blanche then took a deep breath and then began to sing in a high frequency, ultra high pitched, almost operatic voice as the sound of her singing traveled and filled the atmosphere with a rich, clear tone. Dr. George Huang, Fin and Munch froze upon hearing her voice. "Hey, who the hell is that singing?" Fin scoffed indifferently and then suddenly he quickly became transfixed by that voice. "Fin, are you okay, buddy?" Munch quizzed his black partner, confused and perturbed and then the sound of Blanche's soothing, alluring voice reached his ears too. "I – can't – stop – making – myself – hearing – her – sing!" Dr. George Huang grunted as he tried to use all of his will power and inner strength to resist Blanche's overwhelming seductive voice. Rose's and Sophia's jaws dropped upon witnessing the disorder and pandemonium down below. Tutti was just stunned; Aunt Line was greatly impressed.

Tutti then turned on Sophia and sneered at her contemptuously. "Whatever the hell did you do to your friend?" "Me? You're the little upstart that is trying to take my place!" Sophia shot back at her defiantly. "Your place?! That was no fault of mine! I did not ask to be born! Your damn creator got duped by those fucking producers who outright lied to her!" Tutti Bomowski contended and argued with Sophia angrily and indignantly. Sophia then glared at her fiercely and her fists clenched with bitter rage. "Who the hell are you to drag her name through the mud? Don't bring her into this!" she hissed vindictively at her bitter rival.

"I'm bringing her in for a reason. The producers duped her by claiming that no guns were to be used in the movie, when in fact there were. You're just intimidated by me because I'm basically a carbon copy of you!" Tutti Bomowski went on with her explanation calmly, deliberately ignoring her fellow sister character's wrath. "Ma, Ms. Bomowski, enough! You ladies have been at each other's throats ever since we arrived in New York. Now let's just concentrate of sneaking out of here before Blanche tires herself out," Dorothy chided and scolded the two elderly women sternly as she grabbed them both by the back of the collar of their blouses and attempted to pry them apart to further hinder their bickering. "She started it!" Tutti Bomowski appealed to Dorothy with a harsh, incensed tone. "No it was her fault, Pussycat! You gotta believe me!" Sophia pleaded for her daughter's assistance. "Ma, will you quit arguing with Ms. Bomowski! We have no time to waste!" Dorothy fired back at Sophia in an impatient voice.

"But Dorothy…" Sophia started. "NOW, MA!" Dorothy shouted at her mother in a now loud, booming voice and Sophia finally shut up. "Is it me, or is Tutti Bomowski Sophia's long lost Italian sister?" Rose inquired Dorothy curiously. "No Rose, she's my bastardized, illegitimate sister!" Sophia fired a caustic, acerbic, fiery retort at the dim-witted, ditzy St. Olaf woman. "Okay, that's it! I don't want to hear another word out of you or Ms. Bomowski about this! I am sick and tired of hearing you two constantly argue by the hour! Ma, no peep out of you or it's back to Shady Pines!" Dorothy screamed furiously at the top of her voice and then Tutti Bomowski cowered in terror, her eyes wide and looming with fear and alarm and her face pale and livid.

"Joey would never put me in a home," she whispered softly and vulnerably in a trembling voice. Sophia was about to counter that remark with her own mordant comment when Dorothy cast an admonishing glare at her Sicilian mother, and Sophia stifled and balked in response. Then she raised her hands in the air and as Claire Timkins, Stephanie Forrester and Aunt Line looked up in amazement, she then started to stir her hands together and black, thick, dark, magic smog began to permeate and billow out of her own hands and swirling and churning around the ladies. The smoky smog then continued to whirl and spin around the gang at a rapid and quick pace and then it morphed into a thin, spiraling, funneling tornado and thunder clouds began to form in the sky as lightning crashed and flashed in the sky with the deep, rumbling, sonorous roar of the thunder. The house once more descended into darkness as Capt. Cragen and the detectives immediately jumped at the sudden and fickle change in the environment and Philip and Carol raced out of their room and saw the thick cloud of smoke swirling and dancing before them. A flash of light gleamed into Philip's eyes and then he shuddered at the horrific sight, with his mother cradling him protectively. "Mom, what's going on?" he whimpered. "I don't know, Philip. I don't know," was her uncertain, hesitant answer.

"Archie, what in the world is going on here?" Edith squawked in her usual raspy voice as she and Archie raced and tore out of their room in a frenzied panic and then beheld the sight as well. "Archie, Edith, go get Gloria and Michael. They HAVE to see this," Carol instructed the couple as Archie immediately vaulted down the stairs and bolted straight for the kitchen. "Damn it! What is going on here? Kronk, did you fool around with the electricity again?!" Yzma berated and shrieked at Kronk as the two villainous duo stalked out of their garage headquarters in the dark. "That wasn't me, Yzma; I swear! I did not touch anything!" Kronk insisted as a spark of green electricity leapt onto the ceiling in a skip. "Uh, Yzma, did you see that?" he mumbled under his breath.

Then a shock wave ravaged and festered throughout the whole house and everyone in the house got thoroughly electrocuted. Archie then leapt into the air with a painful yell as a shock of electricity proliferated and surged through his veins and then he toppled onto the floor face first as Ms. Naugatuck rushed to his side. "Mr. Bunker, are you all right?" she ventured timidly. "Just get me off the damn floor, Ms. Naugatuck! I'll be fine! It's that damn Sophia Petrillo that's causing all this trouble!" Archie pouted in a muffled voice as Ms. Naugatuck grabbed her employer's cousin-in-law by the shoulders and pulled him up to his feet. Archie then regained his bearings and looked at her for a moment. "You know, I think I know why Maude hired you in the first place. You have to be one of the best damn maids in this country," he offered her an unusually laudable compliment, which was pretty bizarre and off the wall coming from him, especially since he was usually the prejudiced and bigoted blue collar worker in the house.

Just then a shot of hellishly dark crimson red fire erupted out of the ground and then a fault emerged and crawled throughout the floor with a glow of heat permeating through it. Then another blast of red-hot fire discharged from the newly formed fault and then sparks of ember began to explode and fly profusely into the air in numbers as they collectively began to accumulate and augment into a spiraling circle of fire and formed a swirl symbol. The extensive shock wave that was now plaguing the house quickly began to fizzle and allay with decreasingly intensity as it loosened its grip on its victims. By now shots of green electric beams were now bombarding and exploding all over the living room and bursts of green electricity detonated into flashes of light. Sophia was getting tired and if she did not teleport now, her power could slowly shut down and lose its effectiveness until finally it completely drains her of her energy and she won't be able to use any of her various spells of dark and light magic for a while.

"Ma, come on! You can do it! Don't give up! We can't go anywhere without you! Think of Pa!" Dorothy pleaded desperately to her mother as Sophia began to become worn out and exhausted from the complicated spell. The very mention of her husband prompted a series of flashbacks as the elderly woman reviewed the long dormant memories of her beloved, dearly departed husband Sal, who had died in the hospital after complications resulting from an illness. She remembered how much she loved him, even though he could be a huge jerk and they would sometimes fight, but in the end, they loved each other. He may not be the brightest bulb in the village, but Sophia knew there was no one else quite like him, and there would be no one else who would ever take his place. Sophia then felt Sal's presence flowing and pulsing through her soul as his disembodied voice rang in her mind.

_You can do it, Sophia _his voice said. _I have complete faith in you. If you can survive two world wars, go through several major operations, survive countless vendettas, then I don't see why you can't perform this spell. I love you, Sophia, don't you ever forget that! _Then Sophia's eyes glowed white and an aura of ghostly, white, spiritual energy washed down and integrated into her soul as she felt her energy perking up and invigorating her and she also perceived herself regaining much needed energy. _This is for you, Sal, _was Sophia's thought. Then a shrill cry erupted from her voice as the energy in the black cloud of dark smog intensified and the sparks of green electricity began to surge and meander around it rapidly. A light, green energy bubble then emerged from the smog and enveloped around the gang as the light grew brighter and brighter with magnitude.

Finally the green energy bubble combusted and exploded with a sheer, loud roar as smoke proceeded to billow and travel in a constant, airy stream and then electric green waves rippled and conveyed through the whole entire house as it ripped, knifed and lacerated through its interiors by nearly smashing and slashing the walls in two and demolishing and wrecking numerous, countless, valuable, expensive objects, including vases, antiques, figurines, china sets of tea cups, pots and plates, and even a cluster of genuine jewels that Maude and Walter got from a garage sale from a neighbor's house. The house itself was nearly crushed and flattened in two and a strong, quick earthquake ripped and shook the house from its hinges, causing everyone to take cover. By the time the smoke dissipated, Carol, Philip and Edith realized that the ladies were gone! Archie then came back with Gloria and Michael and Gloria gasped in surprise. "Hey, they're all gone!" Gloria cried in a shocked voice. "You tell me," Carol scoffed while waving her hand dismissively. "You dingbat! You have completely wasted my time by busting my ass to fetch Gloria and Meathead!" Archie snarled and snapped at Edith infuriatingly.

"What are you going to do now, Detective Stabler? Run home to your fucking wife?" Zira taunted and mocked the young detective snidely. Elliot Stabler then glanced over his shoulder to glower at the dark brown lioness, whose dark, malevolent, brilliant red eyes were discernable to notice in the opaque, murky, endless darkness as they teased and derided him with its maleficent sheen. Vitani's light, colorful, blue, sapphire eyes were slightly less compellingly threatening and menacing than her mother's but still just as deadly cold and aloof. "You know what – You just shut up, okay? You and your damn cronies have been making enough trouble already as it is," he sneered and snapped at her with a harsh and irritated tone. "Stop making degrading and disparaging comments about his wife, Mother," Vitani sighed in annoyance.

"You just shut the damn up, all right, Vitani?" Zira growled displeasingly at her daughter as she exposed her vicious, lethal, sharp teeth to her, but the young light yellow lioness remained unfazed and coolly collected during the whole confrontation. "What's the matter, Zira?" Elliot Stabler smirked at the middle-aged lioness audaciously and disparagingly as Olivia Benson started to rummage through the cabinet looking for a match or a flashlight to light up the bathroom so they could have a decent look around their surroundings. "Did your husband leave you because you were an intolerable bitch?" "My husband did not leave me, you asshole!" Zira roared at Elliot Stabler as her eyes flared and raged with fury. "Oh really? Then why are you all alone with your daughter? I suppose you have no one else but her!" Elliot Stabler continued to tease and jeer at her derisively.

"Ms. Chasens did not want Nuka and Kovu to come along; Nuka was an imbecile and Kovu was thought to be too treacherous. She was not willing to let her plan fail!" Zira insisted stubbornly. "You do realize that when you get out of here you'll be immediately transported to Riker's Island. Do you want to know what Riker's Island is?" Olivia Benson intervened with an ominous warning. "I'll take my chances, detective. I can handle myself thank you very much," Zira scoffed disdainfully as she glared at her warily and mistrustfully. "Listen, Zira. We're not playing here; you're being extremely arrogant you know that?" Olivia Benson persisted to compel and provoke Zira into spilling the beans as she and Elliot continued to grill and interrogate her in the bathroom. "Arrogant? HA! I can take down both of you and slit your throats! I don't see why Riker's Island is any different!" Zira laughed bitterly and sardonically in the face of the detectives as a smirk spread in her thin, black lips.

"Riker's Island is where the most hardened criminals go. There are RAPISTS, PEDOPHILES, CON ARTISTS, THIEVES, MURDERERS, Zira! You do not want to go there. They are going to gang up on you and maybe even try to rape you! But I think you're too hardheaded and stubborn to even listen to me, right?" Elliot Stabler shouted and yelled right into Zira's face as his fixated, harsh, angry stare peered right into her eyes. "You are so goddamn tenacious on me, aren't you? You just won't give up fighting on me, will you?" Zira snarled as she quickly pulled away from him in disgust.

"The problem with you is that you're confused and lost. You are blind to what you see before you; you won't acknowledge the truth!" Olivia Benson now joined in on the conversation and tried to persuade Zira to abandon Ms. Chasens' potentially lethal and murderous plot. "You really think it is easy being a lion, don't you?" Zira started to chuckle and cackle in a bitter and cynical manner as she sneered at the female middle-aged detective and cast a burning, acidic glare at her. "I've raised three FUCKING kids on my own; the love of my life has been slain by that goddamn Simba when he was unjustly overthrown from the Prideland throne, which was RIGHTFULLY his, I have been banished because I was faithful and loyal to him – God, can life get any more brutal and difficult than that?" Zira shot back with a sneeringly enraged and contemptuous tone that was laced with anger, frustrated rage, sorrow, and overwhelming grief and the way she stressed emphasis on certain words told Elliot and Olivia that the mature lioness was just about fed up with life itself. Olivia then considered Zira's comments for a moment while Elliot just looked away from him. Vitani had been quiet and sulking for some time now; she had been used to her mother's endless raging rants and tirades.

"You know what? I think you'll just love Goren; he will definitely get down to the bottom of your very head," Elliot Stabler then momentarily offered a caustic and scathing comment to Zira, at which she snorted dismissively. "No one will get to my head, you hear me? Ha! I laugh in the face of detectives and cops! You hear me? You hear me laugh in your little sham you call the interrogation?!" she retorted and addressed him with her malicious and spiteful, demeaning tone. Elliot was almost beginning to become horrified and put off by her words; the way this woman-lion talked, or whatever the hell she was her venomous and derisory tongue made her looked like the reincarnation of the Devil himself. And speaking of which, that little smug, demeaning, audacious smirk of hers really turned him off – big time. Not that he really was attracted to her to begin with. Besides, he was currently married to Kathy and their youngest son was born not too long ago.

"You know, Elliot. I really don't think it's a good idea to send Vitani and Zira to Riker's Island in their normal forms. People will think we're absolutely crazy for even thinking of shipping them off to Riker's and that we may be in the middle of some drug conspiracy," Olivia Benson spoke up as she finally found a flashlight from deep within the cabinet since she had been sidetracked with the trading of barbs between her long time partner and the nefarious, deceitful lioness and flicked it on with the switch that was on it, and the bathroom was soon then illuminated and washed over with clear, vivid light, revealing the foursome. Elliot had been squatting near the door in the bottom left hand corner and Zira was sitting next to him to his right, with Vitani just 2 feet away from her almost to the upper right hand corner and situated right behind Olivia, who was very close to the bathroom cabinet and directly facing Elliot. "Okay, so we finally solved the problem with the damn light; now can we please figure out a way on how to get rid of our natural forms?" Vitani rejoined impatiently and sarcastically.

Just then, Kronk came barging right into the door, startling Vitani and provoking her right into her defensive position and irritating and exasperating Zira in the process. Elliot and Olivia were also surprised but unfazed. "Hello, I'm Detective Stabler and this is my partner of 15 years, Detective Benson. How may we help you?" Elliot Stabler introduced himself as he politely shook Kronk's hand. "Hello, I'm Kronk. No last name anyway," Kronk grinned sheepishly as he accepted the gesture. "I wouldn't be surprised; 90% of cartoons don't even have last names. Just look at Pluto!" Zira scoffed disgustedly. "Mother!" Vitani scolded her for being so rude.

Zira then snapped her jaws at her daughter and then Elliot yanked on her leash, restraining the Outlander lioness in the process. "This is absolutely degrading and outright shameful! I am NOT some kind of house pet!" Zira quipped with a witty and sharp retort as her electric collar tightened around her neck and she began to gag and choke. Elliot then let go of Zira's leash but then stamped his right foot on it lest Zira would attempt to flee from him. Vitani then cast a bemused and quizzical glance at Olivia Benson with a frown; Olivia was suddenly curious by Vitani's confounded expression.

"Am I the only one in this room who has a bitch of a mother?" she whispered to her in an appalled and abashed voice. "No, I had an alcoholic mother too; she was an English literature teacher who was prone to drinking. She also got raped too, and I was the result of it. That's why I joined SVU, so others won't have to go through what I went through," Olivia Benson sympathized quietly with Vitani, and Vitani's sapphire blue eyes glowed in comprehension and astonished wonder. She could not fathom how this woman, who barely even knew her anyway, could be so compassionate and understanding. Vitani was not accustomed to people reacting to her in this manner; she was used to living a life filled with hardship and tribulation in a land where food was scarce and pride mates were constantly fighting amongst themselves, particularly herself and Nuka. She shook her head at the memory of her and Kovu play fighting.

Zira did not trust Nuka with her plans – ever, and Kovu did not want anything to do with Ms. Chasens' farfetched and diabolical schemes, even though Zira would have loved for Kovu to come along, for he was so useful and viable. Maybe Kovu had changed his mind? That was what Zira thought when she tried to contact Kovu with a newly acquired cell phone and he could not be contacted. Bah, Kovu probably either did not know how to use the cell phone or he did not want to speak to her – he could actually contact her anytime using the cell phone that Ms. Chasens lent him. Then again, the young lion most likely thought that the cell phone was a stupid human invention and there was absolutely no point in contacting his mother with it, why he could just traverse across the continents to find her.

Then again, things have changed in the last several centuries. Africa was now becoming more modernized, even though the Pridelands and the entire universe in which it was inhabited in remained untouched and untenable, and the digital age was now kicking in. Zira seemed more adapted to the new modernized world than Kovu, that is. Zira knew exactly what Elliot and Olivia were thinking; they want her and Vitani to be changed into humans just so they could be immediately shipped to Riker's. Human… That is the most brilliant idea! Zira's eyes immediately lit up and danced at that thought. Maybe she could finally hit on Elliot without people casting befuddled and weird glances at her. It was no use trying to do so while she was a lioness, and besides, it was illegal. Elliot was a pain in the ass 90 percent of the time, but that doesn't necessarily mean he was not an attractive, gorgeous, hunk. Zira chuckled to herself huskily at the thought. The thought of having an affair with a married man in a HUMAN form – that was the kind of game Zira would LOVE to play. God knows where Kovu's real father was anyway, considering that Scar was definitely no father of his, and Nuka was certainly weak in his eyes. Elliot was probably too good for her, but that would not deter Zira from even trying to romance him.

"Uh, Detective Stabler, do you need help with anything?" Kronk addressed the male detective hesitantly. "Yeah, as a matter of fact, we do," Olivia Benson nodded as she stood up, and Elliot Stabler followed suit. Vitani was still biting and scratching her flanks, and Zira was eyeing Elliot curiously, still toying with the possibility to be pursuing him romantically. "We would like to know if you know anyone who practices witchcraft," Elliot Stabler addressed Kronk with a somber and serious statement. "Witchcraft? Well, there is Yzma… She does fool around with magic potions a lot in her schemes and machinations to destroy the Emperor Kuzco, but other than that she has no other magical powers," Kronk yipped in astonishment at the word before suddenly recalling that Yzma had some hand in magic.

"Okay, so what kind of potions does she usually make?" Elliot Stabler continued to issue questions to Kronk, at which he scratched his head and tried to think, the dim-wit he was. He and Rose Nylund could actually become friends if they want to. "Well, Yzma usually makes any kind of potion that would correspond to the plan she would feverishly be working on. Like this one time she turned Kuzco into a rabbit so he would lose an important race that would enable him to keep his chance of being able to regain his throne. Oh! And he also turned into a frog and thought he was the Tree Frog Man. You get the idea," Kronk stuck out his tongue and rested his chin on his fist as he tried to think of a clear explanation for what exactly Yzma does with her potions.

Elliot Stabler nodded as he listened to Kronk's anecdotes. "So, where can we find Yzma?" he enquired Kronk inquisitively. "Yzma should be in the garage in the middle of one of her grand, evil, diabolical schemes that usually backfires. I'm sorry to say that but yeah… but she may be of some help though she isn't the nicest person in the world," Kronk replied his answer to the detectives hesitantly and tentatively. "Relax, buddy. We've faced a lot more nut jobs than Yzma," Elliot Stabler tried to reassure the young man while giving him a wink, and he and Olivia Benson then finally emerged out of the bathroom with Zira and Vitani in tow and then they crossed the dark hallways once more and then they saw Carol, Philip, Archie and Edith again. "Well, aren't you going to find that bitch that nearly pulverized the entire house?" Archie scoffed insouciantly. "Relax, Mr. Bunker. Everything is going to be taken care of, but right now we need to find Yzma," Elliot Stabler informed the middle aged blue collar worker reassuringly before he marched downstairs with his charges and partner, leaving him and his wife feeling rather baffled and unsettled.

"Archie, do the police know what they're doing?" Edith inquired her husband anxiously while feeling rather fretful and alarmed. "Naah; they're all a bunch of crooks as far as I'm concerned. Always running drug money; I don't think that hotshot of a detective and his female slut of a partner are different either," Archie scowled distrustfully and suspiciously. "Archie! Don't be so judgmental!" Edith reproached him reprovingly. "Yeah, Edith is right, Archie. The police are only trying to do their job to make sure neither Harold nor Maude get hurt," Carol sided with Edith as she tried to defend the police who are working so hard to solve this increasingly baffling and bizarre case. "Well I hope this "Maude" isn't as liberal and hoity-toity as that damn Findlay woman!" Archie growled in an exasperated and irascible temper while emphasizing on the word "Maude". "And don't forget that I saved your life too!" Ms. Naugatuck interjected as she clambered on the stairs breathlessly and then she confronted Archie on the landing. "The hell you did!" Archie snorted priggishly upon seeing Ms. Naugatuck. "Now don't get so high and mighty, Mr. Bunker. I know Ms. Findlay has her faults, but she ain't what you say she is!" Archie's eyes narrowed and then squinted as his face leveled down to meet hers. "You talking to me?" he hissed challengingly. "Yeah I'm talking to you, you, big, fat, uncivilized turkey! I can't understand why Ms. Findlay would rather waste her time with you!" Ms. Naugatuck scowled as she began to waltz and dance away from him with a huff as she sashayed down the stairs.

"Screw the pooch, Ms. Naugatuck!" Archie bellowed down after her in the now lit house. "Why I never!" Ms. Naugatuck scoffed defiantly and snidely as she stalked and stormed off into the kitchen to collect her thoughts, which was now where she mostly spent her time now that Maude and the others were gone and have been so for hours. She then pulled out a chair and then sat down in front of the quaint table she had always been fond of. Ms. Naugatuck then noticed a dingy little notepad sitting front of her with a pencil lying to her right. Curious, she then grabbed the notepad and pencil and started to draw pictures to amuse herself. First she drew a picture of herself, with a dainty, detailed sketch of her dress, and with an exaggerated outline of her facial features, thus making her face more plump and rotund with dimples on them, then she scribbled a portrait of Walter, putting some emphasis on his befuddled and astonished expression and his moustache; then she doodled a drawing of Maude where she also elaborated a detailed sketch of her visage.

The British maid then rubbed the lead of the pencil hard into the surface of the paper to darken some sections of Maude's hair and to also lighten the skin tone on her face. Her chin became more prominent and her nose was enlarged, to make her look more like a caricature. Her eyes were twinkling with a dark shade to them and were the size of beads. Ms. Naugatuck even chuckled to herself as she outlined her sketch. Finally her portrait of her beloved employer was complete and then she held it up in the air to inspect it. But the moment she caught something from the corner of her eye, she immediately put down the notepad and then saw that it was none other than Alexandra Cabot! The British/Cockney maid was stunned; how did Alexandra Cabot manage to find her? "Ms. Naugatuck, I just got a call from your employer. She'll be home pretty soon, so why don't you make dinner for all of us?" the district assistant attorney addressed her while shuffling in some papers on the table and then sat down and peered at her intently. "Okey-dokey, ma'am. I'll be there in a jiffy," was all she could muster to say to the blonde, young woman before she quickly got up from her seat and goes to the kitchen cabinet to prepare supper. Alexandra Cabot looked up from her papers and then watched the maid at work before resuming to her work.

Elliot Stabler, Olivia Benson, Zira and Vitani then flooded downstairs gracefully and slowly in single file to the garage as they strolled through the area and studied the various interesting items that lay before them. Yzma and Kronk had only been in the Findlay house for only one day and already they made themselves at home: although Kronk and Yzma now longer had their so called "Secret Lab" to formulate and generate their villainous and heinous plots in and the roller coaster like entrance that stemmed from the lever that leads them through the trap door, they had managed to make some improvising of their own, and for two evil, diabolical, wickedly sinful villains like them, Elliot thought that was highly impressive. A long range of tubes was connected to the ceiling and emanated from one of the bubbling flasks that sat on a plain light brown counter leaning again the wall that also contained a suspicious liquid that Yzma concocted and also transverses throughout the entire ceiling and reached all of its corners without any ends, all the while churning, teeming and brimming with a purple, bubbly, curious concoction Elliot surmised must be for some spell that Yzma was currently making.

There were different flasks and potions of all shapes, sizes and types; some of them were round, big and blue, others were square, rectangular, oval, triangular, pentagon-shaped, octagon-shaped, and even included colors such as cherry red, scarlet wine, azure, sapphire blue, lavender, mauve, plum purple, which was personally Yzma's favorite color by the way, and even light, jaded green. Some of them were also orange amber colored and others were golden saffron and sandy brown. The potions also had all sorts of designs, all with one purpose: to transform that person who has the misfortune to consume it into any form that the individual potion transforms the person into, i.e. a fly potion would transform somebody into a fly and a basset hound potion would morph the person into a basset hound and etc.

Even though Yzma had in the past devised her potions to transform her victim to a member of one general species, she has now focused her attention to turning the person into an individual member of a subspecies, such as an African elephant and a cockatoo. And now she has managed to concoct and devise a potion that could turn animals into humans; the challenge for Olivia and Elliot now is to convince the wicked mad scientist/ex-advisor of Emperor Kuzco to aid them in transforming Vitani and Zira into humans so the two detectives won't look like fools by having them imprisoned in a cell at Riker's Island in their natural forms.

Even though Yzma did not want anything to do with Ms. Chasens' villainous and scandalous plot, (she saw no point in trying to destroy the sacred bond between Harold and Maude if there is no power gain involved and was not about to drag her loyal henchman Kronk in there since there was no point), she suspected that Yubaba may potentially turn her back on the judging panel and collude with Ms. Chasens to achieve her ultimate goal. Being a fellow villain herself, Yzma knew about Yubaba's unbridled, unadulterated greed and suspected that the potential reward money that Ms. Chasens may hold in her possession may be the ultimate key to lure in the elderly witch to gratifying sin. And as Kronk pointed out, Yzma may not be the nicest person on earth, but certainly the authority of the cops could not persuade her to help otherwise… Zira couldn't keep her eyes off Elliot and wondered to herself if she somehow was falling for the veteran detective. Vitani rolled her eyes in repulsion as she watched her mother closely. If her mother was not careful, she could get herself into a heap of trouble in the big city.

Eventually they came to Yzma bending over her desk, pouring in different flasks of multi-colored liquids together to try to create a new kind of potion. Kronk was sitting in her purple inflatable bed, reading the latest novel. She was donned in a white, flaxen, pallid, leather, buttoned down professor vest and also wearing a white pair of leather/polyester pants along with some opaquely dark goggles fastened over her eyes and also a pair of black, polyester gloves and shoes. Yzma was absorbed in her work and did not notice the detectives stepping into her garage-converted laboratory. "Yzma, Detectives Stabler and Benson have arrived with Zira and Vitani. They've come to you to request a favor," Kronk informed his mistress and then Yzma perked her head up from her potion manufacturing and then spotted the detectives approaching her.

"Oh, detectives! I am quite surprised to see you! Please, have a seat and Kronk will provide for you, for I am quite very busy," she exclaimed in shock and disbelief as she lowered her goggles to take a closer look at the detectives before gesturing an available spot for them to sit on near her bed as Kronk supplied them with chairs to sit on and then Elliot and Olivia promptly sat down on the wooden, pale yellow chairs, which were in tacky taste as Yzma had been very frugal and stingy as of late and was mistrustful of New York's consumer system, and the supply and demand of the North American continent in general, (yes I do mean the U.S.), and had not bothered to buy more appropriate furniture. Zira was on Elliot's right side and Vitani sat on her haunches right next to her mother, to her right and to Olivia's left. Kronk then went back to his reading as Yzma resumed her diligent work.

"Well, you see Yzma, Kronk said that you specialize in the magic arts, and we were wondering if there is any way you can help us transport Zira and Vitani to Riker's Island without… any ramifications," Elliot Stabler began nervously as he rambled on and explained to the gazillion year old skeleton and bones why they had approached her for help. Yzma then stopped where she was and then began to chuckle herself into sniggers and giggles and then howled into outrageous, screeching cackles as she bent over and nearly doubled over in laughter. She could not believe what she was hearing; after so many years of trying to get rid of Kuzco ever since that fateful day when he fired her for once again trying to take over his role as emperor without his permission, she would have thought that by now the cops would have arrested her, charged her with conspiracy to commit murder, attempted murder, and abduction, (go figure), found her guilty and sentence her to life in prison without possibility of parole, and have her thrown in jail, and now she was astounded and flabbergasted at the thought of the police actually asking her for help for an awkward and unusual, atypical situation. She could have laughed herself to death over this! It was too much! It was just bizarre, abnormal and off the wall! Yzma then chuckled for a few more times before taking a breather to calm herself down and then peered at the detectives questioning while posing an akimbo.

"All right, now what exactly do you want me to do?" she growled at them, demanding. "We just want you to turn these two lionesses into humans just so we'll be able to make the transition from this house to Riker's Island much more easier and much less embarrassing," Olivia Benson confessed candidly to Yzma and the elderly woman nodded as she shuffled over to her potion collection. She then scanned the labels for a few minutes before spotting a black potion with a human imprint on it and then picked it up with a triumphant "AHA!" She then ambled over to the foursome and then handed the potion to Elliot for him to use. "Give Zira half and give Vitani half to drink; once they drink the potion they should be transformed into humans and then you're all set. Unfortunately, there is no natural way to revert back into your lion forms; the only way for this to happen is if they drink a lion potion. It's the one in bluish/purple with a lion imprint. Elliot, you do the honors," Yzma then crisply addressed the detectives as she gave them strict instructions on how to use the potion. Elliot then popped out the lid off the potion with his index finger and thumb as if it were just another bottle of champagne and then held it to Zira's lips, at which she gulped down half of the potion as instructed and then Elliot handed the potion to Olivia, who then fed Vitani the potion. The two detectives then waited for a few moments – then Vitani and Zira's forms began to change shape and alter themselves.

Zira's neck sprouted about 5 inches more and Vitani's neck also grew about an inch less than her mother's. Zira's body fur then receded and vanished and was replaced with slightly dark toned skin that was resembled a typical Frenchwoman before her tail disappeared as well. Zira's entire body then swiftly changed from that of a lion to a human and Vitani's did the same. In a matter of minutes, Zira and Vitani both lost their complete form as they gained two legs, two arms, human, normal ears, a nose, lips, eyebrows, actual hair that does not blend with your fur, and even a body to match. Mother and daughter were now lying on the floor sprawled together and Zira was the first to wake up. She then looked at her slightly dark hands, which no longer had claws to sheath and unsheathe, (_damn…_ Zira thought to herself at that realization), and then quickly snatched a mirror to look at herself. What she discovered was utterly shocking and disturbing.

Zira thought she was the ugliest thing she had ever seen in her human form. She had thick, bold, eyebrows that practically formed a unibrow, her dorsal stripe was gone, her ears were actually normal, and she also had a rounded, angular, oval-shaped face with a fair, light olive complexion. Her nose was slightly enlarged and prominent with a medium size, and she also had a thin pair of cheekbones outlining her face. Her scarlet, wine-colored red eyes were dazzling and sparkling with life, and she also had a slender, tall, statuesque, yet husky, brawny and muscular build, with muscles rippling all over her body. At this Zira smirked, impressed. Her arms were also strong, graceful, and lanky, just about long enough to reach her hips, and she also had a curvy, tiny waist, which she thought odd, but after having three cubs that would not have been surprising. Or was it?

Zira's legs were equally mighty, robust and supple, vigorous and formidable, capable of walking and running long distances. Zira smiled as she remembered how she had been a great huntress in the past. It only seemed just like yesterday that she had been a lioness, now today she was a female human. The only thing was, her feet were petite, and so were her hands, which bothered her. Her body was tetragon-shaped and curved and rounded itself off into a nice figure, at which Zira again was impressed. She was now grinning as her eyes got used to her human form.

The best part of all, she also had circular, angular and wide ears, had some sort of splotched, bluish/black blemish on her forehead which was in place of her dorsal stripe, curved, rounded, angular medium-sized eyes that electrified and glistened with vivacious, animated spark, and she also had wavy, long, luscious, brunette hair that could easily be tied up with a hair pin into a nice, rounded little bun and she also had bangs nearly overshadowing her eyes. Zira could hardly recognize herself in that mirror – that wasn't her, was it? She looked like she was in her late 30's, early 40's that had been born and raised in France and perhaps raised in South Africa. Maybe one of her parents had been African-American. Maybe that's why she had that mixed skin color. Zenova would now be her new American name, if you can even call it American. Vitani would have to change her name as well, into something more appropriate. Speaking of Vitani, Zira spun around and gaped at her daughter in awe and wonder.

Vitani was the lankiest, skinniest, thinnest woman she had ever seen in her life; her blonde, silky, smooth hair was long, wavy and straight, tied in a ponytail. She had a pale-white, flaxen complexion and her face was similar to her mother's, angular, rounded and oval-shaped, but with a little more curve to it. Vitani was at a more petite size due to the fact that the scarce and barren conditions in the Outlands had significantly stunted her growth, so Zira planned to explain away to acquaintances that Vitani was just simply on the short size. _She got that from her father, _Zira imagined herself saying to people she may encounter on the street. Vitani was so frail and weak in body structure it was almost pathetic; her face was bony, emaciated, and gaunt-faced, with flat, puffy cheeks adding to that weary, starved look.

Vitani also looked very dorky and nerdy as well, but her dazzling, gleaming blue sapphire eyes still lingered with its usual cold, distant, aloof luster. Her arms were elongated, gangly, and lengthy but still stunted in growth. So did her gangling, gawky, long-limbed legs. Vitani also had a thin, tiny nose with angular, cocky, supple ears. She also had bold, dark, furrowed eyebrows, but they were spread far apart as to not make her look hideous. Vitani also had oval-shaped, rounded eyes, very similar to her mother's. As far as Zira was concerned, although Vitani looked very anorexic, she still looked like the typical, all-American teenage girl, about 13, 14, or 15 at most, or even 16, albeit with a slightly British look. Nuka would have been about 18-20 years old had he been turned human. Kovu would probably be in his early teenage years, about 13, and no doubt much darker in color than Zira.

Zira spun around enthusiastically, exhilarated and thrilled with the idea of becoming a human. Vitani just felt awkward and strange; surely she could not learn how to walk literally on her own two feet? Zira then turned to Elliot and smirked at him, a now mischievous glitter flashing in her eyes. Elliot then racked his brains as he stared at Zira uneasily, trying to think up an explanation on how the HELL can a woman with brunette hair have RED eyes?! Vitani would fit in just fine, as blonde people commonly have blue eyes, but Zira would be an oddity among brunettes. And to top it off, she also had a French look about her as well, which would make her look more exotic. "Elliot, this is brilliant! I am so happy to be human! You think I look sexy, don't you?" Zira mused to herself as she posed and teased Elliot playfully, making himself secretly nauseous.

God knows that Olivia could not be possibly jealous, since she was well aware of his marital status, and had respected that thus far. Still, if Olivia did have feelings for him, Zira could possibly be her greatest competition – she was the most intelligent, strongest, sassiest, spirited, confident, and conniving, calculating woman they have ever faced. This was not good, this was not good… Vitani was awfully self-conscious and actually felt quite awkward in comparison to her mother, who must be the most stunning beauty to hit New York so far. It is one thing to be one of the ugliest lionesses in Africa, but to be the ugliest woman on the planet? Forget it! She was so scrawny, so skinny, so lanky, gawky, and gangling… Her narrow and long face made her even more embarrassed and ashamed of herself. Plus she had freckles on her nose and upper face, which made it ten times worse. _I'll bet Nuka would look just as worse, _Vitani thought to herself bitterly as she cast an angry glare at Yzma, at which she promptly disregarded.

"Thank you so much, Yzma. You won't regret this," Zira expressed her thanks to the old sorceress with a hand shake. "No problem," Yzma dismissed her with a wave of her hand and went back to work. Elliot, Olivia, Zira and Vitani then walked back up the stairs together to go to the living room to regroup with the detectives, although Zira and Vitani occasionally stumbled and wobbled on their new, untried legs clumsily on their shaky ascent. Soon the two detectives and the two women met up with their colleagues and their boss again, and Capt. Cragen nodded hello to Elliot and Olivia in order to acknowledge them, but before glancing at the women, he glimpsed at the sky from a nearby window and knew it was getting late once more. It was soon to be dinner time, and Ms. Naugatuck was cooking something special. But he did set his sight on the newly created women and was rather taken aback. The two women looked very familiar, and the facial features they inherited from their lion forms were still intact.

The veteran police captain could not believe his eyes; were those lionesses the same ones that he was going to send to Riker's? "Oh, I'm sorry, Capt. Uh, this is Zira, the brunette woman, and this is Vitani, the blonde woman," Elliot Stabler reintroduced the women to Capt. Cragen as he absentmindedly shook their hands, still absorbed in his thoughts and riddled with absolute shock. Munch and Fin looked pretty bewildered too, and even Fin cast a questioning and anxious, confused glance at Munch, not sure what to say. But even in his confused state Fin could see something in Zira's eyes, and it sickened him to think about it. He had a very bad feeling that Zira may be having eyes for Elliot, and he was greatly disturbed and troubled just by thinking about it.

Even in her lioness state, where she had initially harbored hate for him, as she had always done with her dark, mistrustful, sinister nature, somehow she had managed to fall for him, and if that were to be confirmed, she would stop at nothing to win his love. Fin already saw that Zira was a very determined woman who was not afraid to get what she wants and who had a very tempestuous, alluring, seductive charm around her, even if she was a psychotic, insane, sociopathic lioness. It may be possible for her to be actually diagnosed with some sort of mental illness that could have been brought on by the trauma of Scar's death, but who knows as of yet?

Zira then batted her eyes at him and grinned, anticipating to have her first conversation with him as a female human. Vitani was just nervous and mainly averted her gaze at everyone. Zira then glanced around at everyone before making her announcement. "Everyone, I'm going to change my name from Zira to Zenova when we get to Riker's. Vitani will change her name too," she declared with a hint of finality in her voice. "So it shall be, Zira, if that is your wish. I do doubt what name your daughter might undertake though," Capt. Cragen respected her request and then eyed Vitani questioning, who was trembling and quivering in fear, a feeling she had never felt this intensely before. Capt. Cragen then thought for a moment before he had an idea. "Hey, Zira; why don't you change your name to Zenova Schultz? That'll be an excellent American name for you," he suggested politely.

"Thank you, Captain. Vitani will also have that last name, won't you Vitani?" Zira smiled softly back in return and then she glanced over to see how Vitani was doing. "Yes, Mother," Vitani grunted as she was trying to stand firmly on her own two feet and resist the urge to sit on her haunches, as she had been doing before. Zira then laughed sardonically before grinning at the Captain smugly. "Well, I guess I'll find her a name that starts with a V," she decided firmly. "Forget about names, Mother. We better go eat," Vitani urged her mother just as Ms. Naugatuck emerged from the kitchen and rang out a silver bell for everyone to eat. "Hey, everyone! Dinner is ready!" she shrieked shrilly and then everyone crowded into the kitchen, all the while Elliot and Olivia realized that their most arduous task was to come. "Ah, shit! Liv, we have to teach them how to eat properly! This is so embarrassing, cops teaching criminals how to eat!" he griped and complained as he tossed his head to look at Olivia. But it seemed Olivia had it all figured out, just by looking at her smiling, beaming face.

"Don't worry, Elliot. I got a plan; you take care of Zira, and I'll take care of Vitani. Since I think I might work better with her, I suppose you might work better with Zira also," Olivia revealed her grand plot to Elliot, at only which he groaned even more. He did not anticipate having to work with Zira in the dining table, and who knows what that devious, spiteful, foul-tempered, obscene Frenchwoman (yes she's now a Frenchwoman), might have in store with him. The only thing he knew about her was that she could possibly be lusting for him and she was probably waiting for the right time to seduce him. Elliot would rather commit suicide than succumbing to Zira's lusty demands. Actually, he would rather commit suicide right about now.

Ironically, Zira had the presence and aura of a majestic queen, even a princess, despite of the fact that just hours earlier she had dropped an f-bomb on Detective Fin when she was first apprehended by Special Victims Unit. But now it might be possible she might be falling for one of those same officers that might probably send her away to Riker's, perhaps for a while. The last thing Zira wanted was to be incarcerated in one of the most notorious prisons in the state, and that was not how she would want to spend her first day as a human. Well, life had never been that easy with her anyhow, and she had been perfectly okay with it until now, but this time was very different. And especially since her lion instincts were still powerful and strongly intact in her first 24 hours as a human being, things were bound to go awry, especially with Elliot, including the part that the humans had termed "sex", compared to the word "mating", that was phrased by most animals and living organisms. Since Zira had gone around with more than one mate before, this time should be no different.

Zira was perfectly confident with herself; she knew exactly what she was doing. In order to stall him as much as possible, Zira needed to charm him, entreat him, and seduce him with all she knew, and maybe in time he'd be so entranced by her she'd be able to beat the rap to Riker's! But first… _Oh what the hell… _Zira thought to herself the moment she leaned in to Elliot's face and then kissed him on the cheek, not quite ready to make her move on him yet, especially with everyone watching. Elliot was taken aback and shuddered in her presence, intimidated by that move. Zira just blushed bashfully while smiling sweetly, like the devil she was.

"I don't need to tell you any blimey turkeys to go to the dinner table! The food's going to get cold! You'll be sorry!" Ms. Naugatuck shrieked to the detectives and then everyone else raced right into the kitchen, with Zira and Vitani following them. Just before Zira was about to enter, Vitani then grabbed her by the shoulder and slammed her to the wall. "What the hell were you thinking, Mother? That is called sexual harassment! You can get in serious trouble for this!" Vitani screamed at her mother shrilly as Zira forced herself to endure her daughter's biting, critical words. "I'm a grown woman; I know what I'm doing, Vitani," Zira growled at her in a low, husky voice, her patience quickly wearing thin. "You don't know what you're doing at all, Mother! You do not know anything about human laws! They have far different ideas about how to conduct life! For us lions is to throw caution to the wind, but to them lawlessness means death, chaos and disorder!" Vitani shot back angrily as she lectured her mother severely on the lessons of being human.

Zira then struck her daughter across the face in a furious rage, her anger and possessed love for Elliot all intertwined and bubbling and erupting within her soul all at once, creating harrowing tension within her emotional range; her eyes were flickered and shimmering with bitter, cynical, hatred that was reflected in her heart and her deadly wrath still held a compelling grip on her psyche. Zira then snapped out of her rage momentarily and then saw that Vitani's face was only left with a reddish, crimson mark and no scratch mark at all. This baffled Zira; as a lioness she could have severely injured her daughter by now, but has she been weakened as a human now? But then her eyes burned and raged back into its lethal and toxic wrath and her face blistered and heated up with indignation. She was in the process of striking Vitani once more and her hand was already up in the air.

"I've been to the human city, Mother," Vitani spoke up, unafraid and brave in the face of her mother's increasing anger; "I've taken several walks around the neighborhood and I have studied their habits and customs. They have far different ways of life than us; I know because I've seen consequences when laws are broken, I've even seen put their own brethren to death!" Zira then continued to hold her hand up to slap her daughter across the face just in case while listening to her intently and was greatly fascinated. Vitani then continued to voice her opinions to her mother, still unmoved, still unnerved. She had been treated like crap before and she was now even adjusted to the constant abuse her mother subjected her to, dating back to her childhood.

"I know you're not stupid, Mother. I've known you all my life; please don't make a mistake you're going to regret for the rest of your life. Being a lion was hard, but being a human being is even harder. I beg you Mother please don't let your selfish, lustful desires cloud your judgment. You're better than that! If you won't take my advice at least give me the decency to speak!" Vitani went on with her cogent, compelling argument as she informed her mother on what she was bound to face. Zira then heard what her daughter had to say and was shocked by her stunning audacity, but as a duty of being a mother, Vitani still received the devastating, punishing blow of being smacked across the face by her own mother's hand, which hurt a lot, but not like when she had been hit as a lioness. Vitani seethed and fumed with rage as she glared at her mother with blatant hatred. "You're stubborn; you never listen to anyone! You never listen to me either! All you care about is yourself! You let your own emotions take over you and do the thinking for you! When are you ever going to learn that things always don't go your way?" Vitani snarled and roared at Zira crossly and irately before storming off and spitting right in her face, infuriating and irking the older, middle-aged woman.

"Vitani!" Zira shouted after her. "Don't you dare disrespect me like that!" After hearing no reply, Zira then scoffed and stormed away from the kitchen and went straight outside. She then climbed onto the roof and lay stretched out onto her back looking at the stars. Tears immediately began to brim and fill her eyes as her throat tightened and guilt began to consume her. Zira felt like burying her head in her chest and sobbing all of her misery and sorrow out here on the roof. _Damn you, damn you, you stupid karma! How could you do this to me, God? Why? Why am I in love with an officer who's about to send me away to prison for life? Why?! I am the most selfish bitch in the entire planet! _

Zira then felt a stream of tears cascade down her fair, light olive face and she felt compelled to scream out her agony and rage at having so much confusing emotions building up in her all at once. And so she did; as she screamed in a loud, shrill, high voice at the top of her lungs with her possessive rage consuming her all at once, she hoped God heard her, she hoped Kovu heard her raging cries, she hoped Nuka could hear how angry and frustrated she was, she hoped that Vitani knew how angry and furious she was with her for being so outright disrespectful and slanderous towards her by saying all of those horrible things about being human, she hoped all of the Pridelands and all of Africa heard her pitiful and furious, heartbroken, blood-curling cries but most of all, she hoped that Simba heard it too, because she despised him most of all, and she wanted him to know that she cursed him most of all, of all people.

Finally her sobs slowly but surely began to abate and quiet themselves in intensity and magnitude and after Zira ceased her crying she collapsed and buried her head in her arms and began to wail loudly. She hated herself, oh how she hated herself now! She was such a strapping, powerful, beautiful, sensuous lioness back in Africa, and even Scar loved her dearly, and now here in the state of New York as a woman she was an utter failure. She possibly alienated her daughter and drew the attention of the guests that were currently residing in the Findlay house into her predicament and now she had all but forgotten about the role in Ms. Chasens' master plan that she was to play ever since she had been caught up in the excitement and joy of being a human being.

Right now she wished that Elliot would come up to the roof maybe to even teach her a lesson, perhaps to even rape her. That was the one thing Zira wanted most in the world; she wanted Elliot to love her in the only way he knew how, and if it was going to take her being raped in order to achieve the desired result, then so be it. Zira had been drowning herself in her sorrow and pity that she did not notice Elliot Stabler scaling up to the rooftop and she only managed to stop her crying the moment she felt his arms wrap around her and she sat up and peered up at him with her bloodshot, red, cracked eyes and her tear-stained face. Elliot's face was glistening in the moonlight and he could also see the lunar light vibrating and reflecting in her scarlet, claret eyes. Another tear dropped from her eye as she gazed right into his face and in that moment she knew that he saw her knight in shining armor.

"Elliot," she began, her husky voice cracking and stammering in a vulnerable and shy manner. "I'm sorry…" "I guess I'm not the only one who feels the need to take charge of things," Elliot murmured with a laugh. "You too?" Zira scoffed with a smirk, her mischievous, cynical, demonic self slowly coming back to her visage. "Yeah, most of my children are girls; I have a daughter named Kathleen and she's bipolar; she is also my second oldest. I worry for her sometimes. I have a little boy who was born just a couple of years ago," Elliot smiled as he attempted to make small talk with the lioness. Zira then started to laugh gaily and Elliot also started to laugh with her as well; soon her tears over her anger and frustration over life were gradually forgotten. "My oldest son is named Nuka; he was supposed to be the prince as is customary in our lion laws when Scar ruled the Pridelands but Scar found him too weak."

"Vitani was then born but there was no way in hell she would become leader of our pride, even if she takes after me. She is my second youngest and also my only daughter. Kovu is my youngest child; he was also Scar's stepson AND his chosen heir. Scar appointed him to take over when he died. And so I've been training Kovu toward that goal ever since. I did take Scar's death very hard, I'll admit. He was the one love of my life; I've known him ever since I was young. I'll always miss him, but if I have to move on with my life, I guess I must," Zira admitted frankly to Elliot Stabler as she began to reveal tidbits of her life and some insight as to what her past as a lioness was like.

Being turned into a human by Yzma certainly gave her a new lease on life. After her dramatic outburst on the rooftop she certainly felt better, and her eyes glowed with a brilliant, red hue the moment she glanced at Elliot. A smile spread across her face and her eyes flared up with intense ardor and passion as her face began to light up. Zira had never been one to trust people so readily and she hadn't exactly been the nicest lioness in the world, well, not since Scar died anyway. She was always the outsider, the loner, the survivor, the fighter, and now, this human experience of hers was now having a significant effect on her psychological being – this spell had given her a new start in life. She still had memories of her past life, and she always will, but now she had no more reason to train Kovu to be a murderer, she had no more reason to harm Simba; she had no more reason to do any ill will to anyone. She also had no more reason to avenge Scar, and finally after all of these years she was willing to let him rest in peace, as long as she is in peace with herself. Zira was ready to love again – and she was ready to let Elliot know how she felt about him.

She then leaned towards him after a few minutes and then closed her eyes before she finally gave him a passionate, tender kiss in the lips. Elliot was startled by Zira's move but then kissed her back anyway, surprised by how soft her lips were. Zira then threw Elliot down on the rooftop and continued to kiss him deeply and harder as she lay on top of him and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. Elliot then threw Zira on her back and then continued to kiss deeply into her throat as they pressed hard against each other and their blood pulsed with excitement. Olivia Benson then walked out into the driveway calling out for Elliot Stabler. "Elliot? Elliot? Damn he's gotta be around here somewhere! I know he is!" She then heard the sounds of passion flaring on the rooftop and then the moment she looked up, a wave of shock, horror and disgust struck her as her face blanched and turned livid and she staggered weakly on the ground, about to faint. (I will not tell you what was going on that rooftop or it's going to be rated M). "SHIT!!!!" she hissed as she dashed right into the house and then bumped right into Vitani.

"Olivia! What's wrong?" Vitani made a concerned inquiry when she noted her acquaintance's pale and stricken face. "It's your mother, and Elliot. I-I, I-I, I just… I think you need to sit down for this one…" Olivia stammered tearfully as she tried to tell her new friend what she had seen. Vitani nodded grimly and then the two women walked over to the sofa and then they both sat down. Olivia then placed her hand on her friend's shoulder and then gazed at her with tear-stricken eyes. How could her friend have been so foolish as to succumb to that woman's wanton lust? Vitani understood the silent message her friend was conveying. Lionesses usually don't mate again until either their offspring are grown, moved out of the pride or they wind up dead. And now that she, Kovu and Nuka are all grown up pretty much, Zira was ready to mate again, and since she was now rendered human, she is now receptive to anything that affects humans, especially in sexual reproduction. And if Elliot got her pregnant… "Olivia, I don't know what I would do if my mother were to become pregnant with a child at her age…" Vitani stuttered as she tried to come to grips of her mother's potentially deadly actions, to herself, to her family, and to even the ones she loved. Her mother was now so vulnerable, so open, and so helpless to her own human emotions because of the spell she was currently in thanks to Yzma, and she had let a guy she barely knew take advantage of her!

Vitani and Olivia then came to a decision together. "Olivia, if anything comes out of this, I'll make sure to help the both of them as best as I can," Vitani addressed her decision to Olivia Benson. Olivia then nodded in agreement. "Same here, but what do you suppose we should do?" she replied loyally in return. "We'll help her all right, but in the end, it's up to Mother herself. She's the one making the choice, not me," Vitani decided resolutely. "Same here," Olivia Benson concurred by crossing her arms decidedly. Now Vitani and Olivia were faced with a situation that could change their lives forever – and also could change the course of events that could probably complicate things even further. Zira was about to learn that being human was hell and brutal – and when you're faced with a life-changing decision, it is not all fun and games either. But what would happen when Maude returns home and learns about the dramatic turn of events that had occurred during her absence? Things were about to go from bad to worse before they even get better. And it will be a while before things look up for the better.

**YES!!!! I finally finished this chapter! Sorry it was extremely long though; Chapter 5 will be Part 2 and will also be called Life Is A B-word Part 2. Please rate and review!**


	5. Life Is A BWord, Part 2

**A/N: YEAH! Here is Capitulo Cinco!!!!! Spanish for Chapter 5! This is going really great so far! Now things are really heating up in this epic feature film like fanfiction novel! In Part 1, Olivia just caught Elliot and Zira making out on the rooftop and Vitani has just been informed of the situation that her mother got herself into and the two women now realize they may have a real life situation in their hands. Plus, Maude and company have yet to return to the Findlay house and discover the strange and baffling turn of events that had befallen the household. In the meantime, Stephanie Forrester, Aunt Line, Claire Timkin, Tutti Bomowski, and the Golden Girls get themselves into serious trouble and get subjected to Ms. Chasens' hellish wrath while Ms. Chasens herself and her croonies continue to formulate and elaborate more on their twisted and sickening plot to make Harold and Maude's lives and also those of Maude and her entourage a living hell and possibly inadvertently sabatoge the entire upcoming talent show. However, now that Vitani and Zira are transformed into humans, they must learn how to live in one of America's most toughest cities and deal with the pros and cons of being human; Zira must also choose between turning her back on the good guys and returning to Ms. Chasens' service AND pursuing her newfound love for Elliot. She must also deal with the consequences of giving in to her lust for Elliot in her one moment of weakness, including the one outcome that could change her life forever and also alter the lives of her Outlander family.**

**Furthermore, Kovu, Kiara, Simba, Nala, and Nuka decide to put their differences aside and migrate to America to try to find and contact Zira in the Big Apple before she could potentially wreak havoc in the city of New York and devastate thousands of lives along with a young, female newcomer cub that could possibly have ties to Deirdre, the orphaned, loner, Outlander lioness who currently is in league with Ms. Chasens and now has Tessa in her hands. Omari must also still convince the free-spirited and happy-go-lucky Maude to watch out for her surroundings and keep a wary eye out for Harold's mother, just in case she might snatch her unexpectedly. Things get even more complicated as more and more crossover villains are revealed to be working with Ms. Chasens and Yzma begins to suspect more and more that Yubaba may finally succumb to her greed and betray the judging panel in order to pursue the end result at the expense of Harold and Maude's lives and well being. Will Elliot suffer the dire consequences of his one night stand with Zira and even lose his job as a result and have to deal with his wife later on? Will Maude wise up to Ms. Chasens' plotting and help Harold before it's too late? Will Yzma be held accountable for the unforseenable consequences that had already occured and be blamed for it? Will Ms. Naugatuck become the heroine of the hour? Will Omari find out the truth of what happened to his best friend and girlfriend? These questions will be answered and more when the drama rears its ugly head and Maude Findlay and her friends embark on another series of adventures that reveals the quirky twists and turns that life gives them and strengthens the bonds between them while providing them the inner strength that none of them thought they ever possessed. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the crossover characters portrayed in this epic fanfiction novel except for Omari, Tessa, April Beaucroft, Todd Foster, Deirdre, and the mysterious as yet unnamed lioness cub. I must warn you that this story is about to get more and more unpredictable and things are bound to be somewhat controversial. If you do not like the content that is being depicted in this story the moment you first read it, please do not read any further. I do not want to receive reviews blantantly criticizing several of the scenes described in this novel because I choose to write these types of scenes whenever I want and if you do not like it, tough. However, tips on how to improve the plot and story itself, character development, etc. are welcome. **

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The house was now still and quiet on a starry and moonlit night, with all of the crickets chirping their contented, sweet song and a grey, black spotted owl hooted as it glided and soared high in the sky searching for prey. The grass rustled and swayed in the cool, soft breeze and all of the birds fluttered to their vacant nest to retire for the night as stray cats prowled and crept around the Findlay residence scavenging for food while concealed in the tall, lush green stalks and a tail could be seen flickering out lazily. The Nissan Armada was still sitting out in front of the house, and Ms. Chasens had witnessed Zira's passionate, lusty, ardent make-out session with Elliot Stabler and the moment she spotted Zira throw caution to the wind and threw herself into the police officer's arms and the two new lovers embarked onto a fervent, passion-filled lovemaking, her blood boiled and exploded with rage and she found herself in the throes of a terrifying wrath.

"Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! I cannot believe this! Minnie, look at this! Victor, look at this! Just look at those two necking and kissing and slobbering all over each other! It's making me so sick that I think I'm going to puke!" she hissed in repulsive disgust and vicious fury as she beckoned Minnie Castevet and Uncle Victor to watch the spectacle with her face blistering and scorching in a crimson hot red hue and her eyes radiated and flared in temperamental anger. "Oh, is that what you're making a fuss about?" Minnie addressed her boss with a quizzical and bemused expression while Uncle Victor cast a wary glare at her. "You don't understand, you nitwitted, pathetic, frivolous, empty-headed little twit! Zira has deliberately betrayed us by sleeping around with that godforsaken police officer! She is a slut, a whore, tramp, and a prostitute and is to not be trusted!"

"She has abandoned the plot in favor of siding with the good guys and running into the arms of her lovey dovey cop! Well! Looks like we won't need her and Vitani anymore! They'll get theirs one of these days, I'll see to that! I'll make sure their flagrant treachery does not go unpunished. And I'll make sure Yzma will get hers too, for assisting the betrayal of two of our best agent spies in this whole entire entourage! I would have never discovered and stumbled upon Yzma's plotting if it weren't for Stewie Griffin and Leroy, alas Experiment 629!" Ms. Chasens screamed and hollered at her two henchmen ragingly and infuriatingly as she snapped a quick insult at Minnie Castevet before announcing her prompt and swift decision to them as she took a pause to light up a cigarette and inhale a puff before exhaling out with a forced huff from her lungs. Stewie then peered out of the car and then aimed his laser ray gun out of the window while scanning the area for any intruders with his deviously crafty, narrowed eyes.

"I still can't believe that you kidnapped that baby from his home just so he could help us with our ultimate master plan!" Minnie Castevet exclaimed in a disapproving, scolding voice. "Hell, Victor's massively trained and highly specialized mercenary army really helped us stall and divert the Griffin family by using excessive violent means against them and a number of torture methods so we could get inside the house and snatch Stewie from there," Ms. Chasens chortled with a contemptuous scoff. "Yeah, too bad that we lost a lot of men along the way," Uncle Victor lamented the tragic outcome that resulted while shaking his head. Leroy then sniffed around the air suspiciously dressed in a plaid, black, velvet, alien suit while wearing a black leather dog collar with a silver tag attached to it dangling around his neck as he was emitting a sharp growl from his throat with the flicker of his ears. He didn't understand what was the point of him joining this team of crossover characters anyway if the only purpose is to permanently ruin the lives of two people who were dear, good friends.

"Well, in order to acquire Leroy, I had to make a hard bargain with Dr. Hamsterveil. Seems like he was completely unwilling to part with his favorite experiment without a good price. I told him that if I could borrow Leroy for a while, if my mission were to succeed, I'll give him any percentage of the profits I may garner as a result of my success. I even offered him an opportunity to come down from Earth to wipe out the remainder of the Findlay clan once I get my hands on Harold & Maude, perhaps to even take over the world after that point. I informed him that as soon as I completed my part of the mission I'll teleport using my time traveling rhinestone diamond lavaliere, (which could only be activated by inserting in a silver, antique, compact key that is attached to a long line of string worn around my neck right into the piece of the jewelry), to the prison in which he is currently imprisoned in and free him. Then success will all be mine," Ms. Chasens leered evilly and wickedly with a smirk as she mused and described her encounter with Dr. Hamsterveil in order to obtain Leroy.

"I don't think it's a good idea to bring in an alien and a baby on board; it might be a really bad idea. Your plans could backfire you know," Minnie Castevet timidly pointed out her opinions to Ms. Chasens, at which the young woman veered around to glower at the elderly, blonde woman and sneer. "Don't tell me what would and wouldn't work because I know exactly what I'm doing! If you don't like my ideas and plans you can just simply walk out of this car and say Sayonara!" she snapped and rejoined testily and bitterly at her as Minnie Castevet felt her harsh, fierce, cold, stern glare peer right into her face. "I say, do any of you have any biscuits? Because I damn well won't tolerate this any longer!" Stewie made an inquisitive inquiry out of everyone before cursing out everyone. Leroy then lunged at him savagely and brutishly and then Stewie shot at him with his ray gun and then Leroy dodged and evaded the laser beams that were shot at him at amazing speed by skittering and vaulting on the wall in zigzagging somersaults.

"Blast! Why won't you die, dog?" Stewie cursed under his breath as he continued to fire laser beams at the red alien. "Stewie, will you please pipe down for a moment? I think your bedtime is near," Deirdre commented to Stewie softly and gently in a motherly manner. "Damn you woman! Damn you to hell!" Stewie barked at the young grey/silver Outlander lioness angrily while cussing at her. Leroy snarled at him angrily and then sidled over to Deirdre while circling around the spot he was about to settle on and then lay down on the passenger seat as he slumped his head onto his crossed arms and closed his eyes to go to sleep, albeit with his nose twitching.

"Well, I guess we don't have much to go on now, other than Stewie and Leroy uncovering the conspiracy that Yzma was formulating with the detectives to have the two lionesses defect from our posse. But I think Yubaba might have some potential yet… Maybe if I lure her to our side by appealing to her maternal instincts we could have an advantage!" Ms. Chasens rambled on with her thoughts as she glanced over her shoulders with a knowing gleam in her eyes to view the large, oversized, rounded, yet curved-shaped hazel oak/birch baby basket that lay before her that was covered in blue and white blankets along with a fluffy, cottony, downy pillow and the moment she slowly and quietly approached the basket while crawling on her knees, (with Stewie observing the scene with great interest), she then removed the blankets and it revealed a chubby, portly, rotund, plump baby boy named Bo, who happened to be Yubaba's infant son.

As revenge for Yubaba having previously turned down Ms. Chasens' offer to join her efforts to destroy Harold and Maude due to the fact that it did not seem appealing and interesting enough, and that there was no monetary value involved, Ms. Chasens resorted to having Pterano swoop down into the bathhouse while having Sierra and Rinkus deal with the inhabitants that worked and served there and snatching the baby while it was left unattended in Yubaba's office, which was foolish of Yubaba to do so as she trusted Lin and Haku with the task of caring for him; there was no one else who was willing to put up with the spoiled, pampered little brat.

Yubaba would have gladly taken Bo with her, but the prospect of entering a world in which she was not completely familiar with and the fact that there was no one in the city who knew her that would be available to care for the child terrified her, so she had no choice but to abandon him, which was completely stupid on her part, and Yubaba wasn't usually the one to make blatantly stupid decisions. Sure she wasn't completely evil enough to go through with some courses of action that other villains of some other higher rank would not hesitate to embark on, (God knows that she was the most greediest bitch out there), but she was nasty and cruel enough to be viewed as the most reviled and notorious character in the entire cartoon world. But Ms. Chasens knew that eventually Yubaba will find out that Bo was not where he should be and go on a panic-filled frenzy in an impromptu rescue mission to find him. She loved to play and toy with people's emotions, especially heroes AND villains.

Ms. Chasens then retreated to her driver's seat while Rinkus was wringing and twisting around his tail nervously and then turned to the young, blonde woman. "Ms. Chasens, shouldn't we be heading off already? Someone is going to spot us out in daybreak and rat us out. Besides, it's getting really cramped in the car, and boring. I want to go and terrorize somebody already," the young pink pterodactyl whined and moaned in a whimper. "Oh shut up your blabbering!" Sierra barked at him irritably and then smacked him across the head, causing him to cry out in pain. "Friends, friends, now calm down. We'll get our chance soon enough," Pterano assured and promulgated to his friends soothingly and placidly. "With a voice like that, you could get a job as a preacher," Rinkus commented in observation as Pterano eyed him knowingly and spread out his wings. "Yeah, dream on, Rinkus," Sierra scoffed mockingly.

"If you guys want to stretch out your wings so badly, why don't you do the patrols right now and make sure there are no spies out in the streets?" Ms. Chasens suggested with an exasperated and petulant tone. "Good idea, Ms. Chasens; see you later!" Rinkus agreed heartily as he, Sierra, and Pterano swooped out of an open window and then soared out into the skies in a sashaying motion as they took out into the skies. "And be back by midnight!" Uncle Victor hollered after them. Tessa then shivered and trembled in cold as she leaned against the wall in fright with her heart palpating and her ears flattened and folding against her head. Leroy's green, slimy drool was seeping and dripping from his sharp, pointy, canine jaws as he was grinning with a self-satisfied and smug smirk. Tessa thought she was going to scream and her hands flew to her throat as she clasped them around her neck but no sound emerged from her mouth. She was too terrified to speak. Deirdre was too interested with herself and too self-occupied to even help her, and God knows if Leroy was presently having any sick and perverted thoughts racing in his mind.

He then charged at her and then threw himself on her in an attempt to assault her while Tessa valiantly tried her best to fight him off by clawing and smacking him away from her ferociously. She then shoved him away from her and then thrust her claws right into his butt, causing him to scream and howl in travail and agony as he jumped 3 feet in the air and then scuttled to the other side to lick his newly garnered wounds. "I say, Bo, isn't that lioness cub a bit tough on poor Leroy? I suppose he hasn't been laid in months. I wonder what you would do in that situation, eh, ol' chap?" Stewie enlightened his thoughts to the morbidly obese Japanese baby as he continued to gorge himself with biscuits as he fervently crammed and stuffed them into his mouth. Stewie was taken aback by his gluttony.

"Ugh! Ugh! You fat, sloppy, chucky little pig! I suppose your momma's fat too, hmm? Your momma's so fat she cannot maneuver herself around the house! I mean, she had to be the fattest, sloppiest, vile, foul-tempered woman who ever lived! You hear me, Chuckie? Well how do you like that, hmm? Yeah! How does it feel, punk? Your momma is nothing but a fat ass, a fat ass! You hear me? She's a fucking…" Stewie then went on a tirade in which he insulted, taunted, mocked, derided and made fun of Yubaba by resorting to name calling and yo mamma jokes, and as he continued to slander and slate Yubaba's name right in front of Bo, Bo began to become irritated and upset with the upper English accented Rhode Island babe and finally as he was about to finish his sentence, he then pounced on the toddler and began to beat and plummet him with fists.

"AHHHHHHHH! Help! Help! Help! There's a mad baby on the loose! Lois! Lois! Help me damn you! WAAH! WAAH! I don't want to be beaten up by some Japanese punk!" Stewie wailed and whimpered cowardly as Bo proceeded to clobber and throttle the young babe with his fists and then he bashed his head into his face and then Stewie nearly doubled over from the impact. Bo then took out his rattler and then shrieked in a shrill, high pitched voice before he came charging and rushing at him like a maniac while swinging his rattler high above his head like a lasso. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Stewie hollered at the top of his lungs and then Bo body slammed him to the ground and then started to strike and bludgeon him with his rattler as their never ending fighting continued.

"WHAT?! No! Damn you, you useless, pathetic bitch! How the hell could those godforsaken pterodactyls just fly in and seize my baby right under your nose? You are so fucking damn pathetic! If I had not been so damn paranoid about the people in this city… Well fuck you! Haku could have done a fucking better job! He's the best damn apprentice I've ever hired! I would have never hired him if I didn't! Well, you're wasting my time; it's late and I want to go to bed already. Well then. Make sure nothing awry occurs in my bathhouse or you'll have hell to pay once the goddamn talent show is over! Good day!" Yubaba then shouted and yelled right into the phone as she berated, reprimanded and scolded Lin in a furious, incensed tirade while standing right outside the Findlay house and then slammed the cell phone shut before slipping it into her pocket.

"God this is annoying…" she sighed as she took out a cigarette, lit up and then took a drag to calm her nerves down. Yubaba was infuriated and livid that Lin and Haku, ESPECIALLY Lin, who was SUPPOSED to take CARE of her infant son, had utterly failed in their task to do so and prevent Pterano and his flyer henchmen from abducting the young boy and using him as some pawn to incur her wrath and spur her into action so she could walk right into their trap!

Yubaba was not stupid. She knew that they were expecting her to act irrationally so they could utilize Bo as the ultimate bait. She had to act calm and figure out a way to retrieve her son and have him returned safely to Japan once this entire fiasco has concluded. She'll personally deal with Lin and Haku later when she returns from her trip to America. Too bad she didn't bring Chihiro along either; she would have been a hell of a help too, and besides, she and Bo share a great bond, so that would not have been a problem. However, when Yubaba got through with those bastards who took her son… they would had wished that they never laid a hand on her dear, little boy. Despite of her major personal flaws, which included her hot temper, her propensity to curse and swear at a moment's notice, and of course her unbridled, uncontrollable greed, Bo was her pride and joy, and if anything were to happen to him… Yubaba would completely lose her mind. She could not live with that.

This was almost as bad as handing her son over to the Mafia, or perhaps just as bad. Haku should have taken care of those pterodactyls, with his expertly trained skills in magic and his ability to shape shift into a dragon, they would have been wiped out instantly. No way in hell they would have even stood a chance against him, even if Pterano had a pterodactyl army of his own, similar to Uncle Victor's. Ms. Chasens must have recruited a villain who specialized in magic to dispose of Haku like that. Yubaba managed to calm down her racing thoughts with that theory.

Haku could not have been so stupid, not after she had spent all her time and money personally training him. He was a highly advanced magician for God's sake. Something went horribly wrong back in the spirit world, for her to lose Bo like that. Yubaba knew there were some pedophiles in New York that would not mind getting their hands on her baby, and that was what partly fueled her paranoia. Yubaba then sat down and then leaned against the wall as she bitterly and ruefully tried to enjoy her latest smoke. She felt so distraught, so devastated, so embittered… she really wished that she could snag the first guy that walked by her and screw him. Just like Zira did the moment she first saw Elliot. Yubaba felt so lonely; sometimes it's not easy being the world's most hated witch.

Just then she heard some Carlo Santana music play next door and then she subconsciously began to get up from where she had been sitting and then started to sway and dance to the music while snapping her fingers in rhythm to the music. Her feet shuffled back and forth and then she began to hum the melody to herself while singing the words almost from under her breath as she closed her eyes and let the music take her. But just then she heard giggling and chuckling from above the roof and then Yubaba quickly scrambled up the roof to investigate. The moment she completed her ascent and then pulled herself up to the surface, she then got to her feet and was horrified to find Zira and Elliot Stabler necking at each other and Yubaba felt her rage flare up and explode in a matter of minutes.

"FUCK YOU! You are a fucking whore, Zira! How the hell could you do this to yourself! This is not like you damn it!" Yubaba raged and ranted at the amorous couple with an explosive flair of her temper as she could feel herself seethe and fume in her anger. Then, tremors began to rock and shake throughout her body as her eyes began to fill up with terse and embittered tears. Yubaba's fists clenched as she sneered at Zira and Elliot with outright contempt, with a flicker of wrath twinkling, sparkling and glistening in her eyes. Zira just stared at her, and Elliot was stunned and dazed at Yubaba's dramatic outburst. Yubaba then began to breathe in quickly in sobs before she cried out with an irate ire, "I hate you!!!!" And then with a loud yell at the top of her lungs she then capered off the rooftop crying in tears and then as she raced out into the street her echoing wails could be heard all other the entire neighborhood.

Yubaba then reached a lake near the junkyard in the far reaches of town and then collapsed on the banks of the body of water as she buried her head in her arms and just sobbed. Her world was now falling apart: her son had just been kidnapped and her fellow villainess and sister character had just slept with the same police officer who was about to send her away to the most notorious prison in New York. And to top it off a prepubescent boy, probably about 9 or 10-years-old has a major crush on her. "I hate myself, I fucking hate myself," Yubaba whimpered as she sniffled and then perked her head up to view at her reflection.

Tears were dripping and raining down her face and her eyes were glowing and heating a dark, cherry red as a result of crying, her hair standing up and bristling with lush, dangling, wavy, loose curls resting on her shoulders and neck. A streak of grayish/white hair glimmered and gleamed at the edge of her scalp and then Yubaba began to peer even more closely at herself and then gasped at her own reflection. Just look at her! She was the most repulsive, disgusting, revolting and hideous thing to have ever been born. She had an oversized, enlarged head, her puffy, beehive-shaped hair stood out, and she was so old and wrinkled! Why did Zira get to have all the guys and she doesn't? But then, she heard someone call her name.

"Yubaba! Yubaba! Where are you?" A whiny, nasally voice called out into the night and then when Yubaba spun around to see who it was, she was stupefied to find that Cartman was racing right towards her! "Cartman, you freaking fat ass, what are you doing here?" Yubaba sneered as she glowered at him in annoyance and then Cartman skidded right in front her and doubled over to catch his breath. "Damn, Yubaba! I heard you crying all over the neighborhood and I've been following your voice everywhere. When I tracked you down into that lake, I had to go in and find you. I had to ditch that Findlay bitch and that damn Harmon whore and their stupid, wimpy friends," he panted exhaustedly as he rambled on everything in one breath and then paused to catch his breath once more. "Why the hell do I even matter to you? What do you want? Do you want Maude and the others to come looking for you again? They risked their asses to go next door so they could get you and return to the house!" Yubaba shot back at Cartman brazenly as she turned away from him and stared down at the still lake. "I'm sorry, Yubaba. I really am; I couldn't bear to see you so upset. Now tell me; what's wrong?" Cartman persisted as he put his arm around her comfortingly but then Yubaba only pushed him away.

"What do you want to know? My sister hates me to death; my son has just been kidnapped because of my two stupid, incompetent workers who can't even fend off three goddamn pterodactyls, and Zira's being a whore because she's sleeping with Elliot. I just caught them kissing on the rooftop and I think she may even be carrying Elliot's lovechild. Yzma should have never turned her into a human! I could care less if the police got their sorry asses laughed at by the rest of the precinct just because they got two lionesses sent to Riker's Island and they're the only ones there! Sometimes I think I was brought into this world just so I could get mocked at by the rest of God's lovely creation!" Yubaba expressed and confessed her angry frustration towards everything she has witnessed for the past day or two to Cartman as she stared out into the shimmering and luminous lake with a fixated, hard, fierce stare; she also had a haggard and fearsome expression written and depicted on her face with her arms crossed behind her back thoughtfully and remarked her last sentence with a sarcastic tone. Cartman then hugged Yubaba with a warm, caring embrace only for her to shove him away once more.

"Are you trying to hit on me, you perverted, fat ass?" Yubaba snarled at him hostilely. "Why would I try to hit on you?" Cartman questioned the elderly witch, puzzled. "Don't lie to me, all right! You've been eyeing on me ever since we first met! You didn't want me to go since you were in love with me! Face it kid, you want to fucking go to bed with me!" Yubaba fired back at him accusingly with a petulant, harsh, snappish tone. "That's not true! I only like you as a friend!" Cartman cried in surprise as he vehemently tried to defend himself from her accusations.

Yubaba was not convinced. She wasn't sure if she would want to sleep with him if he were to be an adult, but she was definitely positive that she did not want to touch this kid by committing statutory rape; besides, the SVU detectives happen to work on cases that involve a crime of a sexual nature and she would surely be arrested if caught. That was not how she would want to end her trip in America, plus, she would also lose custody of her baby, which she did not want. To make matters worse, if she tried to tell people that Cartman was coming on to her, no one would believe her and instead would twist those accusations around in a 180 degree and then promptly accuse HER of trying to make a pass at the young boy and trying to seduce him so she could sleep with him. If not for the age difference, Yubaba and Cartman would certainly have made a good couple.

"Don't do this to me, kid! You're going to get me in serious trouble!" Yubaba insisted stubbornly, still convinced that Cartman was infatuated with her. The advances he made to her convinced her otherwise. Cartman then leaned in towards her and attempted to kiss her, but then Yubaba pushed him away and then brandished out her wand and pointed it at him in a defensive stance. "Why don't you try sleeping with a girl your age, huh? You are utterly pathetic to try to seduce me to sleep with you. If you don't stop with those advances right now I'm going to use a spell on you that will teach you a lesson once and for all! I'll make sure that your mother won't see you ever again!" she jeered and growled at him mordantly and caustically as she moved around the area in a circle as Cartman approached her, not willing to give up. He then took her by the hands and wrapped her tightly in his embrace, making sure that she would not resist him, and before Yubaba could stop him, Cartman then kissed her tenderly in the lips and an enraged Yubaba threw him down on the ground and then started smacking him on the head in a fit of rage.

"Curse you, you brazen, shameless, wanton little brat! You're a real asshole, you know that! Shameful! Absolutely shameful! Kissing an old woman like me like that! I'll put a spell on you yet!" she ranted and raved at him angrily as she continued to beat and strike him repeatedly while Cartman screamed and wailed in terror. "MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!" he shrieked in a high pitched voice. Then, just as she was about to hit Cartman again, something came over her. Yubaba then peered down at Cartman softly with a dazzling twinkle in her eyes and then lowered down her fist and gazed at him as she felt a new feeling stirred in her. Was it inevitable that it would come to this? What would her twin sister say? _Yubaba, you slovenly, despicable, greedy, self-satisfying bitch! How could you do this to yourself? How could you allow this to happen? How could you allow yourself to take advantage of that kid…? _

"Cartman, I'm sorry I hit you. I shouldn't have done that. Come on, get up. Let's get you out of here before anyone finds us," Yubaba then murmured tenderly and sympathetically to Cartman as she pulled the battered and bruised boy to his feet. Cartman then rushed to her and kissed her hard in the lips again, at which Yubaba rebuffed him. "Oh… no. NO! NO! I am not about to sleep with you while you're in your kid form. I'm going to have to advance your age with a spell so that none of us would get busted for this liaison," Yubaba scolded him reproachfully before she informed Cartman of her decision.

"Wait… You're actually going to transform me into a man?" Cartman imposed a question on her curiously. "Yeah, something like that. Close your eyes and don't open them until I tell you to. Then once you are transformed into an older version of yourself you can lust after me all you want," Yubaba replied impassively while nodding her head. Then, Cartman closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands as instructed, and then Yubaba took a few steps back as her dressed swayed with her movements and then she flourished her wand with a wave. Then once Yubaba tapped the air with her wand, a sudden change swept over Cartman and then he grew and increased in size until he was finally a grownup man. He was still fat and chubby with a portly and rotund build and his head was still gigantic and enormous and the size of a grapefruit, but his voice underwent a drastic change; it was deeper, grittier and huskier. Yubaba then inspected him for a few moments before a puzzled frown emerged on her face as she knitted her brows. "You still look like a fat ass but it will do. Come on; it's getting late and Maude and her friends might be worried about us," she sighed decidedly and then beckoned him to follow her, at which he obliged.

Yubaba then dashed out into the street and raced back home, with Cartman hot in pursuit. He then caught up with her as he scurried home as fast as he could with the wind blustering and blowing against his face as it nearly knocked his hat away from his head and the two were speeding at a pace of 50 mph in the dark and desolate streets. The young man then managed to clutch Yubaba's hand and this time Yubaba found herself accepting the gesture and then the two companions barreled their way home, laughing and screaming all of the way. They were well on their way to embark on the biggest adventure of their lives.


End file.
